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You can use the following synopsis formula (typically used in commercial novels): I've explained this formula too many times. The point is to transform your synopsis from a plot summary into the emotional experience promised in your story. This way, your synopsis will serve as a hook to make...

Subtext: talk less, mean more...

Narrating emotions in a varied way is one of the advanced skills in showing. It's quite complex because the author needs to understand human psychology. If you read about psychological theories, you'll find many schools of thought, such as behaviorism, cognitive psychology, humanism...

The problem isn't your sentence structure, but rather the narrator's voice. The way the information is conveyed is more expository/telling. Saying "Aren was curious" is telling. This pulls your readers out of the scene, making them passive listeners. Remember, in showing, the reader acts as the...

Dude... I'll be honest with you. Your chapter feels like a choppy cinematic film. As a reader, I had no trouble imagining the scenes in the chapter. But the pacing isn't smooth; it's choppy. Because every time you narrate a scene through action, dialogue, and atmosphere... you insert a...

I've read three of your chapters. My general impression is that your chapters tend to be expository (telling) with the narrator delivering worldbuilding, characterization, plot, and conflict rather than letting the scenes speak for themselves (immersion though showing). In the prologue, your...

Dude... I wanted to hold back. But sorry... this time, I can't. I agree with @greyblob his feedback on her fiction. His feedback is quite detailed and constructive. I hope you and the author @Cookiez_N_Potionz of this fiction read it. I appreciate his constructive feedback... because it will...

I'm going to try adapting some mother's song (from various countries) as lullabies for her child in my chapters. One of them is this one... what do you think?

I also use a multiple POV approach. You're not alone.

It needs to evaluate POV based on its characteristics. In a first POV, information should be framed according to the subjective experience of the "I" character. In an objective third POV, information should be framed according to the narrative of a cinematic scene. By understanding the...

Good, the rewritten version is better than the previous one. However, unfortunately, this POV leak occurs not only in battles but also in previous chapters. In the prologue, for example, the narrator provides exposition related to worldbuilding. This narrative would be more organic if you...

You can always rewrite the early chapters, dude. Treat your fiction as a product that will be continually revised until there are no more gaps to critique. And most authors revise their early chapters periodically as their narrative skills develop.

Isekai is oversaturated. There are hundreds of thousands to millions isekai fictions floating around (check out syosetu and other mainstream publishing sites). In a saturated market, readers tend to get bored (especially experienced readers). They might only read the synopsis and the first...

Try the legendary book, Save the Cat! This book is more about how to craft scenes that will make readers/viewers fall in love with your characters. It started as a practical guide to writing a film script, but now it also has a format for novel. Of course, even legendary book is not immune to...

Well, I've read three of your chapters, dude. I've also read reviews of your work from other reviewers, both positive and negative. My impression is that, overall, you have a good ability to narrate the atmosphere of the story. You can draw me, the reader, into your world through sensory...

The gist of your story is about this: Why are you spinning around in worldbuilding? Giving a synopsis with worldbuilding is the best way to alienate potential readers. Your readers are human beings who want to relax after a tiring day of activities. They don't come to read world history...

Let me see your fiction first... oh, it's only a month old. It's too early to conclude engagement from such a young fiction. Keep up the good work. :blob_melt:

It's irrational if you look at it from the perspective of a magical girl with thousands of years of age without any development. :blob_melt:

As a white magical girl... I should be riding a broomstick, crossing the land at subsonic speed, dancing in the sky with the birds. But I DON'T WANT TO. I'm afraid of heights. My legs tremble when I look down. I'd rather travel by land transportation than cross the land on a broomstick. I'll...