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Dude... I'll be honest about my reading experience after reading your prologue. My brief impression is that I had a hard time distinguishing your main characters. Jakes and Casimir's voices are too similar... and strangely, I found it easier to recognize the Good Doctor (who is actually...

The engagement is too crazy. The gap between views and bookmarks is too lopsided. Perhaps more views are generated by bots than organic (human) readers click.

Where is link of the story? :blob_melt:

Your thread is drowning. I'm raising it to give it visibility. :blob_melt:

Are you planning to kill her @AliceMoonvale ? Your name is too brutal. :blob_melt:

Okay. It's my honest impression after reading your chapter. Dude... what's the point of that description in the plot? This static description slows down pacing (time freezes in the story world). Insert descriptions of the character's appearance in action to speed up pacing. Dude... do you...

Excessive description cause overdose for the reader. :blob_dizzy: :blob_melt:

I'll be honest with you, dude. I'm a tolerant reader, and I won't complain about occasional diction and grammar errors. I'm more concerned with the visualization and immersion of the scene based on my reading experience. After reading your two chapters, I'm pretty sure... your narrative...

Dude/ sis... I hope you're still breathing and enjoying a cup of tea this weekend. You know... opening a feedback thread means leaving your door open to the public. :blob_melt:

@Louhi is a good girl :blob_aww:

This narrative structure is poor, not because of the use of passive voice, but because of the use of exposition to explain the situation. Saying, *it (the room) was empty; the dungeon wasn't dangerous* is telling. It's the narrator's voice to summarize the scene. It's fine if the author writes...

Suspicious message! :blob_hmm_two: Causal readers usually prefer to express their appreciation more quietly by leaving a like or a short comment like "thanks for the chapter" (tftc). It's rare for readers to praise.:blob_melt:

What if each chapter could be considered a short story because it could be understood as a standalone discourse?

I'll stop here. I don't want to hijack this thread. Sorry, sis @Emotica