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I'd probably have enjoyed it more in the larger context. As an excerpt on its own, it didn't illicit much. Which neatly segues to another point. Its hard to judge how humor lands or when it just falls flat.

It's jank, i know

The out of left field jokes are the Disney favorites and not sure they work in the literary medium just as well.

Those are good suggestions, but that would take careful setup. What I'm trying to do is lighten the mood. I don’t want the story to take itself way too seriously. So, i am trying to use a pseudo comic relief character as a foil for the protagonist.

Humor Writing the trench warfare of writing. Oh mighty one won't you assist this filthy vagrant on his quest? Excerpt Option 1: The crisp autumn air whipped dust across our faces as we made our way through the bazaar’s tight backstreets. My gaze darted cautiously from shadow to shadow, wary of...

Heyo, if you find the time, kindly check out the following. Ps: Much obliged by the way

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1096576-son-of-the-sun/chapter/1170315/

Chapter 8 is done and dusted. Hip-hip. Thoughts, critique is very welcome. https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1096576-son-of-the-sun/chapter/1168300/

Greetings, here's chapter 8. Have been under the weather of and on so some typos etc might have crept in.

Cheers I’ll look into it. Word just isn’t the best at catching small errors. I’ll go over it again. PS: Much obliged.

Ok chapter 7 is done and dusted. Somehow, after the nips and tucks it grew in size. https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1096576-son-of-the-sun/chapter/1151212/ PS: Thoughts, critique all is very much appreciated.

Greetings, a major retooling effort. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I thank you for your time. I feel more confused after the feedback than before. Obviously I need to brush up on things apparently.

Heyo, feel free to check mine out if you want and give your feedback. It is in the signature. PS: Much obliged.

A significant retooling effort has been undertaken for it (For the first seven chapters). Waking up in a ditch with no memory of who he is or how he got there, Solen embarks on a perilous journey to piece together his shattered past. As he navigates through old and new challenges, he discovers...

This should be the definitive version. Sincere apologies

My bad correction again

Fingers crossed this is the final form of chapter 5. By this point I'm getting sick of the transformations too.

Cheers, I'll try to get rid of them along with some more of the flab. It was looking more like an info dump the longer I stared at it. Edit: His students are a bit of an afterthought yes.

Greetings, another moderate retooling. Kept getting stuck with this one. Not 100% confident but must push on.