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  1. Story_Marc

    3 Questions to Answer When Designing Magic Systems

    The one thing I'd disagree with is the idea that "X should check out Y if they want to learn about magic systems." Only in that, people should check out X if you want to learn about this specific brand of magic system. For instance, we can look at Stands from JoJo. It is a beloved setup due to...
  2. Story_Marc

    3 Questions to Answer When Designing Magic Systems

    Which, going from this and what I went into, using your example... 1) Falls into natural ability with the subclass of race and possibly genetics for human sages. 2) What fuels, again, nature, internal (personal abilities) example which works well with stories designed around. 3) How does it...
  3. Story_Marc

    3 Questions to Answer When Designing Magic Systems

    ...That's the point of this? To point at the many patterns and make it easy to create your own magic system and determine the rules that govern it.
  4. Story_Marc

    3 Questions to Answer When Designing Magic Systems

    I made a thread previous on this first video I made, but I can't find it, so this is quicker. I've completed a series of videos on designing magic systems that can help out anybody at the beginning who is struggling or wants a new perspective on putting them together. I break it down with...
  5. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I'd pass on this one too. There's three reasons why. First, I found the pacing slow and boring early on. Starting out living his life, doing his practice stuff could be fine, but it just keeps going and going and I don't see why I should care. I kept wondering what the hook is. Then, once it...
  6. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I'll be doing two of these tomorrow since I should have some free time away from my various projects.
  7. Story_Marc

    6 Concepts of Magic

    The core idea is that it's a recipe for results. "Cookbook" is just the term. Otherwise, what I describe is, as said, rigid and all. Plus it falls into the ideas of Fantastical Science or Science Fantasy. Splitting it would make no difference and be closer to the art variant mentioned if more...
  8. Story_Marc

    6 Concepts of Magic

    I created this to help out everybody working on magic systems, and I figured, why not post it here and point people to it? Hopefully, it can help you out with whatever you're doing. It's one of the three things I consider when designing a system.
  9. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    So, my immediate reaction would be to drop this because your grammar is amateur and so I find it annoying to read. Let’s touch up on some basics here with the first sentences. Finally Free, I let out a relived sigh as I walked sluggishly. My feet hurt from a long day of work and my head was...
  10. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    In your case, I'd put a "no" due to how uncompelling the opening sentences are alone. First, starting with "snap" is a bad idea because you shouldn't do onomatopeia alone like that. To quote what I shared in the past... Second, the prose is boring to read. Let's look at these first three...
  11. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    It does. Though it isn't anymore hooking. You still have the exact same issue with semi-colons because you're trying too hard to be literary and the character lacks any real hook IMO to invest in him.
  12. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I'd require access first. :P You need to set it so anybody can look.
  13. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    There is no but. Or probably. You're using the semi-colon wrong. Just use a comma or a period. Don't use the semi-colon if you don't know how to use it as a tool. Anyway, if you want to emphasize the character himself first, the character needs to be far more interesting. Personally, I go back...
  14. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    Hmm... Guess I'm back in business real quick... First, stop using the semi-colon; you're doing it wrong and overusing it. I explain it somewhere in this thread. I recommend going through it unless I turn the lesson into a YouTube short, which... I might do it tomorrow, given how I am. Anyway...
  15. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I think I might start doing this again next month, here and there. I had a lot to do late last year, so I had to stop doing this, but I've been preparing some stuff to make this easier. I think I'll need 2 weeks or so first. I'm going to comb through all this and find common issues. I've been...
  16. Story_Marc

    Feeling discouraged for writing for 2 months now

    My suggestion is to not worry about if you destroy it or not. You have no way of knowing to begin with since whether or not it is "good" is subjective. Just focus on addressing whatever problem exists before you as best as you can and have fun while doing it. If it isn't up to par, you can just...
  17. Story_Marc

    How do you write?

    I do it like this.
  18. Story_Marc

    PLEASE, introduce me to some good stories ?

    Tolkien was a better world-builder than a storyteller anyway. I've actually tried to read Lord of the Rings. It wasn't fun.
  19. Story_Marc

    PLEASE, introduce me to some good stories ?

    What type of stories do you already like? If you can name a few specific ones.
  20. Story_Marc

    First Chapter Analysis

    I wouldn't stress "hooking readers" too much with prose alone. Though I'm not calling it "unconventional" or anything. I'm just saying it's much more readable. I say work with your natural voice instead of trying to be something you're not since the latter will lead to far more frustration...
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