Second-hand embarrassment check: Does my humor fit in a thriller or does it ruin the mood?"

[MissRiWrites]

Hey everyone,

I’m currently writing a psychological thriller/mystery Before the Storm Gathers – Prana , and I’m having one of those moments where I’m starting to hate everything I’ve written.

The story gets pretty heavy, so I’ve been trying to sprinkle in some comedic relief to stop it from being a total slog. But now I’m stuck in my own head about it. Every time I re-read the "funny" parts, I honestly get second-hand embarrassment. I genuinely can't tell if I'm actually balancing the mood or if I'm just killing the tension and being super "cringe" instead.

I’m worried I’m either making it way too depressing to read, or the humor is just totally jarring.

If anyone has a minute to check out a few chapters of Before the Storm Gathers – Prana and tell me if it’s working or if I’m just trying too hard, I’d be a lifesaver. Don't hold back—if it’s bad, tell me it’s bad. I’m just way too deep in the weeds with this thing to see it clearly anymore.

Thanks, guys!!

 

[Ellie_in_Pink]

Can you give a link to a specific chapter/scene that's particularly giving you issue?

 

[Eldoria]

There are at least 2 narrative techniques you can use to wrap a psychological thriller with comedy:

(1) Using a comedian character as a narrator is unreliable for wrapping a psychological thriller plot. This is an advanced narrative technique because your narrative must be able to work on 2 layers of narrative simultaneously, the comedy layer on the surface and the psychological thriller layer under the carpet.

(2) Using a comic relief character to reduce tension. Sometimes you need a silly character who is out of place in a psychological thriller plot to give your readers a breather before continuing the tension of the story. This technique is relatively easy to apply without much modification to your narrative structure because you only need to add a clown character in the plot.

The story gets pretty heavy, so I’ve been trying to sprinkle in some comedic relief to stop it from being a total slog. But now I’m stuck in my own head about it. Every time I re-read the "funny" parts, I honestly get second-hand embarrassment. I genuinely can't tell if I'm actually balancing the mood or if I'm just killing the tension and being super "cringe" instead.

Why do you feel cringe-worthy? Honestly, I haven't read your chapter. I just suspect you're forcing the comedy scenes. So they feel unfunny (cringe-worthy). You need to make the comedy happen naturally/organically. How? Use comic relief or sitcoms. For sitcoms, you can provide an absurd payoff after a serious setup.