Well, I've read three of your chapters in one sitting as a casual reader. My opinion here represents my reading experience. So you can consider it or not.
Overall, I think you have an ambitious idea by trying to take on five protagonists simultaneously in isekai. When reading the first three chapters, I immediately associated your fiction with a mainstream isekai fiction called "High School Prodigies Have It Easy Even in Another World" - at least conceptually or in terms of ideas.
However, your chapters are still not well executed, especially in terms of narrative structure. Some narrative errors I found include:
First, these chapters tend to be heavy on storytelling. Scenes are delivered by an omniscient narrator. This makes the narrative have a considerable narrative distance from the reader, where the reader is only positioned as a passive observer.
Second, your chapters are dense. Starting the prologue by introducing five characters at once can burden the reader's perception.
Casual readers generally have a short attention span. If you introduce five characters at once, it is very likely that the reader will have difficulty remembering your characters.
Moreover, if your character introduction is done through a narrator, this can significantly decrease the impression.
Third, the transitions between scenes in chapter 1 are too rough and sound like a raw movie script. Transitions are marked by the narrator's voice, such as "The scene shifted to..." It breaks immersion.
Fourth, the characters' emotions are too raw. Using the narrator to explain the characters' emotions, such as whether they are angry, whether they are surprised, whether they are confused, etc, makes your characters feel flat. The characters feel more like plot devices than living characters.
Fifth, the chapters have many characters with rapid dialogue changes. This makes the reader prone to head-hopping. Readers have difficulty identifying who is speaking.
Sixth, the setting feels more like an aesthetic setting than a living atmosphere that influences the characters. As a result, readers need to use their imagination to visualize the space, time, and environment in which the scenes take place. This can easily lead to white space syndrome.
Seventh, the characters feel more like plot devices or chess pieces than living characters. This is because the character introduction narrative is delivered through the narrator's voice and the characters also have less screen time. As a result, readers will find it difficult to connect with the characters.
Well, those are some of the narrative structural errors I encountered while reading your chapters. In terms of ideas, they might be quite refreshing, though not entirely original.
But the execution is still lacking. Well, maybe I'm overdoing it by dissecting every mistake... and it's also difficult to fix them all at once. Therefore, I suggest the following:
First, learn the principle of show it, don't tell it! Get used to writing through showing to provide a better reading experience.
Don't make the reader just a passive listener, make them an active interpreter. This will make your narrative feel alive in the reader's mind and feelings.
I won't explain this principle at length because you can find it online.
Second, instead of focusing on five protagonists simultaneously, it's better to focus on one anchor protagonist. You need one protagonist who is the center of the story.
Make that protagonist the driving force of the plot. Give him motivation to move forward. Give him a human setting. Use him to explore and explore the world.
Like in the reference anime I mentioned above, the white-haired MC (I forgot his name) is the central protagonist. As for the other four protagonists, you can gradually introduce them as they interact with the central protagonist.
This way, your readers won't be confused about who to follow... and might even connect more emotionally with your characters.
Well, that's all my feedback.
Regards.
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