Dad Jokes

[LeilaniOtter]

This is my dad's favorite.
Me; Dad I'm full I can't eat any more
Dad; no your not full your wise so eat.

Is it odd that I didn't understand this one? Please explain. *^^*

 

[RepresentingThree]

I specialize in skeleton jokes, and here are a few of my favorites from my list

46. What does a skeleton vampire get when it tries to suck blood?

Necks to nothing.

33. What do you call a who skeleton ding-dong ditches?

A dead ringer.

22. Did you know ancient skeletons would eat candy through their nose?

That's how we got nasal cavities.

19. What is it called when a skeleton has a broken haircut

A hairline fracture!

 

[Cipiteca396]

Dad Jokes?
Here's the thing:

Spoiler

 

[BearlyAlive]

A man with a termite problem walks to the cashier. "Is this stuff good for bugs?", he asks and the cashier answers: "No, sir. It'll kill 'em."

 

[Juia_Darkcrest]

Did you know that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?

 

[LeilaniOtter]

Did you know that if you were born in '45, 33 years later, you'd be 78?

That's a record!

 

[AYM]

Did you know, if you extracted all of the blood vessels in your body and lined them up end to end, you would fucking die?

 

[Incoming]

A doctor comes home drunk.

His wife says, "Dear, you shouldn't drink too much."

The man replies, "But it was what I ordered."

 

[Sylver]

Ooooooo I love Dad jokes!
How do you know a Vampire is unwell?

He be Coffin

What do you call a Seagull that lives by the bay?

A bagel

Which states are the most promiscuous in the U.S.?

Swing states

 

[Playerkartik]

Spoiler: Warning 18+

19

 

[Juia_Darkcrest]

Do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

 

[sleepandeatallday]

Is it odd that I didn't understand this one? Please explain. *^^*

I'm guessing it's more of a name... like the dad said that you are not full(name?). You're wise so eat?
Maybe consult other dads on it! They have expertise on this!

I specialize in skeleton jokes, and here are a few of my favorites from my list

46. What does a skeleton vampire get when it tries to suck blood?

Necks to nothing.

33. What do you call a who skeleton ding-dong ditches?

A dead ringer.

22. Did you know ancient skeletons would eat candy through their nose?

That's how we got nasal cavities.

19. What is it called when a skeleton has a broken haircut

A hairline fracture!

46) 7/10
33) 9/10

22) 10/10
My weird sense of humor somehow loves this one

19) 7/10

Dad Jokes?
Here's the thing:

Spoiler

0/10!
Disqualified! You are disqualified!

A man with a termite problem walks to the cashier. "Is this stuff good for bugs?", he asks and the cashier answers: "No, sir. It'll kill 'em."

10/10
too good to be labelled a dad joke though

Did you know that the shovel was a groundbreaking invention?

6/10 for the dad joke
and then add 3 extra brownie points for the pun!!!!

Did you know that if you were born in '45, 33 years later, you'd be 78?

That's a record!

2/10
you have the makings of a great dad joke teller! Just.... never come back to me with maths in your joke :)

Did you know, if you extracted all of the blood vessels in your body and lined them up end to end, you would fucking die?

4/10

I mean isn't that obvious! ....but yeah! I count it as your win! It's annoying enough to pass as a dad joke.... something my dad would say to annoy me!

A doctor comes home drunk.

His wife says, "Dear, you shouldn't drink too much."

The man replies, "But it was what I ordered."

6/10

Ooooooo I love Dad jokes!
How do you know a Vampire is unwell?

He be Coffin

What do you call a Seagull that lives by the bay?

A bagel

Which states are the most promiscuous in the U.S.?

Swing states

XD
6/10 for the joke and then 1 extra brownie points for the vampire joke!!!

Spoiler: Warning 18+

19

....*silence*
3/10 for the joke
and 2 brownie points for creativity.

Do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

7/10

wise words indeed!

 

[Sylver]

6/10 for the joke and then 1 extra brownie points for the vampire joke!!!

I shall enjoy the brownie with gusto om-nomnom!

 

[Playerkartik]

What do you call a deer with no eyes...?
No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eye-deer!!
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or penis???
STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER

 

[sleepandeatallday]

What do you call a deer with no eyes...?
No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eye-deer!!
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or penis???
STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER

9/10
Took some time but I finally got it!

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

Is it odd that I didn't understand this one? Please explain. *^^*

Dad interpreted my being full and fool so the opposite of fool is wise I think.

 

[BearlyAlive]

Did you know that 100% of those who breathe die, and even if scientists found a cure, they'd never breathe a word about it?

 

[sleepandeatallday]

Did you know that 100% of those who breathe die, and even if scientists found a cure, they'd never breathe a word about it?

8/10

Really!? A 100% death rate! How lethal!