Anyone else struggle to write romance

Ytiamy

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Now I'd like to ask this question. Of the people who are struggling to write romance, how many of you have never experienced romance? I'm going to go ahead and raise my hand. ✋️
I did experience the "so-called" romance in real life, but it never gave me butterflies. Honestly? After coming home from dates with my ex, I'd imagine romance with them afterward. That made me feel something. But when I was actually with them? Nothing.

Now that I'm writing romance, I don't feel it at all. It's like my earlier imagination drained all the romanticism out of my real life. And now there's nothing left for the page either.
 

Cookiez_N_Potionz

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Kinda.

That's why I wanted to challenge myself in the romance genre and I did it. Wrote a GL about Modern Greek Mythology
 
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So, I had a bit of a realization today while writing.

I’m just not a good romance writer. When I read back through my novels, I couldn’t feel the love in the air at all.

That sent me down some internal rabbit holes, and I figured something out: I don’t think I actually like men...or at least, the idea of romance with men. And no, that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. I’m a straight woman, and I’ve got nothing against guys.

But I honestly cannot picture romance scenes in my head with anyone. The moment I try, I lose all interest and motivation. I end up slapping some generic fluff on the page just to move on. Maybe it’s trauma response, maybe something else. I’m still unpacking it.

So my question for you all: has anyone else run into this kind of block? If yes, how do you work through it? If no, I’d still love any advice you’ve got.
To be fair, I've been treated like shit with every guy I've been with. So when I write my romance, I write the way I'd want to be romanced if I ever got the chance to finally find someone that was amazing anyway.
 

Ytiamy

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To be fair, I've been treated like shit with every guy I've been with. So when I write my romance, I write the way I'd want to be romanced if I ever got the chance to finally find someone that was amazing anyway.
Except when I write, I can only think of the ways I have been treated. And how I dealt with it in the past. I have always escaped from difficult situations that involved confrontations with my ex and it shows when I write.

Now I feel like - meh. If you wanna leave, leave. Who am I stop you?
What I've learned from this thread is that I need a crappy romance to learn how to effectively write good romance.
Not if you have a vivid imagination.
Kinda.

That's why I wanted to challenge myself in the romance genre and I did it. It's a GL about Modern Greek Mythology
I am curious. Can you post a link of your work? I'd love to read.
 
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Except when I write, I can only think of the ways I have been treated. And how I dealt with it in the past. I have always escaped from difficult situations that involved confrontations with my ex and it shows when I write.

Now I feel like - meh. If you wanna leave, leave. Who am I stop you?

Not if you have a vivid imagination.

I am curious. Can you post a link of your work? I'd love to read.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hate to see others suffer like that. Maybe this seems stupid. But when I write, I see my characters as my kids, so I know I want the best for them. Have you tried something like that? I wish there were some other advice I could give. Never give up, though you got this!
 

Ytiamy

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I'm sorry to hear that. I hate to see others suffer like that. Maybe this seems stupid. But when I write, I see my characters as my kids, so I know I want the best for them. Have you tried something like that? I wish there were some other advice I could give. Never give up, though you got this!
That's interesting. When you say kids, like grown up ones? How would you as a parent be able to imagine a romance scene of your child? I am curious.

And thanks for the encouragement. I am already over it. I am just talking about my past.
 
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That's interesting. When you say kids, like grown up ones? How would you as a parent be able to imagine a romance scene of your child? I am curious.

And thanks for the encouragement. I am already over it. I am just talking about my past.
oh yes like my two characters are 16 and 17 so if you still call that kids I mean yes and no to me. As for my real child I cant even imagine her in a romance scene. But, honestly I think of it less like 'watching my kid' and more like being a parent who wants their child to finally be happy. Jason grew up as a weapon, he never knew what love or safety was. So when I write a romance scene for him and Aria, it’s not about the 'act' it’s about his eyes opening to the fact that he’s allowed to be a person, not a tool. I’m protective of him because I want to make sure the person he’s with actually deserves his trust and vise versa if you want an example of some of the romance between them let me know I can get you some scenes if thats what your asking.
That's interesting. When you say kids, like grown up ones? How would you as a parent be able to imagine a romance scene of your child? I am curious.

And thanks for the encouragement. I am already over it. I am just talking about my past.
Also this might be another good example

Example Jason reaches for Aria in his sleep because he’s terrified his happiness is just a dream. As his 'creator' or 'parent,' the romance isn't about something scandalous, it's about the relief that when he reaches out, she’s actually there. My protective vibe makes the romance feel real because I’m writing about two people finding safety in each other.
 

CharlesEBrown

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Example Jason reaches for Aria in his sleep because he’s terrified his happiness is just a dream. As his 'creator' or 'parent,' the romance isn't about something scandalous, it's about the relief that when he reaches out, she’s actually there. My protective vibe makes the romance feel real because I’m writing about two people finding safety in each other.
I had a moment like that between two characters. Was a bit more ... obnoxious though, I think....
Several hours later, Malcolm awoke with a mass of red curls covering his chest and a warm body curled up beside him. “So it wasn't a dream this time?” he mused aloud, not realizing she was awake.
“Aww! You’ve had dreams about me?” he heard Audrey’s playful voice say.
He hoped the room was too dark for her to see his blush. “Uh, yeah, I guess I have,” he confessed, a little nervously.
“Were they good ones?” she pressed.
He took a deep breath before answering. “Remember back in our Junior year when I seemed to be avoiding you for about two days?”
She was surprised that she actually did remember that and said so.
“Well, the night before that I had a dream where we were out riding our bikes, and you hit something and fell off. I stopped and helped you up and you kissed me. I don't think there was more to it than that, but I woke up and, uh, well, the bed was sticky…”
There was a short moment of silence and then: “Oh! You had a wet dream about me!” she said; she tried not to laugh but couldn't help it…
“Yeah, but you were my friend - heck, until I was assigned David as a partner for a computer lab project, you were my best friend, ever. And having a dream like that about a friend seemed, somehow, wrong. I was afraid you would somehow sense it and not want to be my friend any more.”
“To be honest, at that point I was kind of hoping we could somehow be more than friends. But I was happy to just hang out, regardless,” she replied. “Oh, you know, I had a dream kind of like that, at about that time, too, and even one which you were in, but, uh, well, you weren't the guy who, ah, triggered me.”
“Oh?”
“Well it was the night after we spent most of a day watching all those Errol Flynn movies…” she began, but hesitated to continue…
Curious to see where this was going, Malcolm prodded: “Captain Blood? Robin Hood?”
She laughed: “No, strangely it was, ah, General Custer. There was just something about that uniform…”
“Really?” It was Malcolm’s turn to try not to laugh and fail.
“Yeah, in the dream, we were watching They Died With Their Boots On and he just stepped out of the screen. You said ‘Hi sir. I am Malcolm and this is Amazing Audrey, and we both love your work’”
“That does not sound like me…” Malcolm said.
She laughed again, and continued: “He said ‘could you leave us for a moment?’ and you said ‘If I can get your autograph first, sure.’”
“Now that DOES sound like me,” he admitted.
She swatted at him playfully and continued: “He signed a huge book you happened to have with you for some reason, and you left, oddly whistling a song that I knew back then but do not remember now. And he said he came out of the screen because he loved my eyes and wanted to make love to me…”
“Can't blame a guy for that. Even back when they were that beautiful blue but especially not now,” Malcolm said.
She rolled over, and rose up on her elbows, one to each side of his chest and positioned her face inches above his, her hair cascading down and forming a kind of waterfall around their heads. “You really love my green eyes?”
“Audrey, I like everything about you. I think I always have, but it scared me back then. Scared me so much that I let our friendship lapse when I thought you wanted to be with someone else - based on a lie, I now know but I didn't then. I was afraid I might ruin things for you, or that it might hurt me too much to see you with someone else and just lost contact.”
She ran her eyes over his face while considering this, and then asked: “But it doesn't scare you now?”
“Oh, no it terrifies me - but in a way that I now find more empowering than petrifying, if that makes any sense.”
She met his gaze, her eyes catching the light that filtered through her auburn curls, and smiled. “That makes more sense than anything else since I was called in to that bizarre murder scene,” she said, and lowered herself to kiss him.
The kiss was deep, passionate, and she felt him stirring when she broke it off. He reached up then and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down to his side. With a light laugh, he said: “I know it kind of feels like I am ready to go again but, well, I’m not sure if this will make sense, especially coming from me, but, unless you really want it, I think I have had enough sex for a while. I just want to cuddle.”
“That is more than okay with me,” she said, moving over and snuggling against him. “You can hold me as long as you want.”
 

Ytiamy

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oh yes like my two characters are 16 and 17 so if you still call that kids I mean yes and no to me. As for my real child I cant even imagine her in a romance scene. But, honestly I think of it less like 'watching my kid' and more like being a parent who wants their child to finally be happy. Jason grew up as a weapon, he never knew what love or safety was. So when I write a romance scene for him and Aria, it’s not about the 'act' it’s about his eyes opening to the fact that he’s allowed to be a person, not a tool. I’m protective of him because I want to make sure the person he’s with actually deserves his trust and vise versa if you want an example of some of the romance between them let me know I can get you some scenes if thats what your asking.

Also this might be another good example

Example Jason reaches for Aria in his sleep because he’s terrified his happiness is just a dream. As his 'creator' or 'parent,' the romance isn't about something scandalous, it's about the relief that when he reaches out, she’s actually there. My protective vibe makes the romance feel real because I’m writing about two people finding safety in each other.
Really interesting. This is def a new angle to look at romance.
I had a moment like that between two characters. Was a bit more ... obnoxious though, I think....
I love this snippet on Malcolm and Audrey. Audrey seems interesting.
 
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CharlesEBrown

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Really interesting. This is def a new angle to look at romance.

I love this snippet on Malcolm and Audrey. Audrey seems interesting.
They are one of the more entertaining couples for me to write. Actually, I think I'd probably be bored by either of them alone but have a lot of fun with them together.
 

Ytiamy

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They are one of the more entertaining couples for me to write. Actually, I think I'd probably be bored by either of them alone but have a lot of fun with them together.
It seems like Audrey held more power over Malcolm. Malcolm is just happy to be in her presence lol
thank you I guess its how I always look at writing romance its weird I guess lol
Well whatever helps you write. Even if it's weird.
thank you I guess its how I always look at writing romance its weird I guess lol
Well whatever helps you write. Even if it's weird.
 
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