Anyone else struggle to write romance

[SouthernMaiden]

So, I had a bit of a realization today while writing.

I’m just not a good romance writer. When I read back through my novels, I couldn’t feel the love in the air at all.

That sent me down some internal rabbit holes, and I figured something out: I don’t think I actually like men...or at least, the idea of romance with men. And no, that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. I’m a straight woman, and I’ve got nothing against guys.

But I honestly cannot picture romance scenes in my head with anyone. The moment I try, I lose all interest and motivation. I end up slapping some generic fluff on the page just to move on. Maybe it’s trauma response, maybe something else. I’m still unpacking it.

So my question for you all: has anyone else run into this kind of block? If yes, how do you work through it? If no, I’d still love any advice you’ve got.

Nope. I'm the opposite of you, in that I like every gender.

But in general, what I think makes romance compelling are the small gestures. The playful touches, what it feels like to hold hands, pet names, inside jokes, late night conversations, getting to know all your partners weird quirks.

That sort of stuff. Getting to really know the side of them they don't show to others.

 

[Ytiamy]

A bit different, but I have been writing an established married couple, which needs a romantic familiarity to be established. The things that have worked for me:

- Lots of smiling at each other
- Physical touch. Touching an arm, cupping face, kiss on the cheek.
- Teasing. They know each other well enough to tease or poke fun at each other.
- Supporting each other, protective of each other around others. Working together to get through things.
- Established routines, things they take for granted about each other. In-jokes they share.
- Disagreements or falling out! Don’t have everything smooth sailing. Sometimes they’ll piss each other off. Sometimes they’ll be selfish. Sometimes they’ll hurt each other.
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Omg. I think recreating love in a place where love should have already existing is the toughest thing to do IMO. All the best

I had a similar realization as a reader. For most of my life, I thought I didn't like romance as a genre. I just never enjoyed romance movies or books. Then I read a lesbian romance novel and had a realization. It wasn't romance I found boring, it was men. I know that sounds horrible, and I have nothing against men (I've lived as one for most of my life), but I just don't find them entertaining when it comes to romance stories.

As a writer, I'm not very good at romance, probably because I'm not a very romantic person. Despite this, I have included romance in some of my stories. I totally relate to your "I couldn't feel the love in the air." When my characters fall in love, it feels more like a statement of fact than something the reader feels along with them.

You cracked me up!! But yes you're right. I feel like writing, 'they were in love and be done with it'

I mean, yes, that's a very common romance formula, especially in anime.

But that is not the romance formula for the feel-good romance movies on the holidays, and for Romance books, there's a whole slew of formulas.

And when it comes to stories that have romance but are not romance-first, there's even more options.

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On a separate topic, it occurs to me to specify that the dynamic I was describing in my previous post starts developing somewhere past chapter 300. Not that I have had that dynamic going for over 300 chapters or such. I realized that my wording might have been vague.

So my novel isn't romance-first either. But I feel like it needs to be seasoned with the right spices enough to keep readers engaged, but also enough that I actually enjoy writing it as the author.

Right now, though, both as a writer and a reader, the romance section feel like they're missing a lot of key ingredients. Something just isn't landing. Specially when I am trying aim at the slow burn trope. Romance becomes boring.

That said, the points made earlier in this thread by you make a lot of sense. I am starting my research soon on the references you made.

Also I'm starting to think the problem isn't necessarily my skill...it might be my internal framework for what romance is supposed to look like on the page. And if that framework is skewed because of real-life stuff, then of course the fictional version is going to feel hollow.

Nope. I'm the opposite of you, in that I like every gender.

But in general, what I think makes romance compelling are the small gestures. The playful touches, what it feels like to hold hands, pet names, inside jokes, late night conversations, getting to know all your partners weird quirks.

That sort of stuff. Getting to really know the side of them they don't show to others.

You're right.

I can write all the romantic beats. The longing glances. The accidental touches. The almost-kiss pulled back at the last second. I can write a thousand of these moments.

But when I go back to revise? I feel nothing.

No flutter. No warmth in my chest. No stupid little smile on my face.

And I'm pretty sure that's a me problem

Ah, yes I'm also a connoisseur of "Lifetime Romance" especially writing in the Female Lead perspective. But trust me, the OP wants a manic pixie romance. They're easy to write from the "Male Lens" and is the standard formula for anime. I specifically said that is not the entirety, but that formula is what he needs and low key wants. every man wants a pixie girlfriend.

This is standard and easy to follow story structure new entrant into romance can write (using himself as an insert. not subtle, nuanced ambiguity like every one else on this thread suggests. and nothing from a Woman's POV, leave that to the ladies or ME, YURI WRITERS.

The Manic Pixis is a simple. The OP can apply it immediately. Everything else up here is vapor.

Recently I watched a cdrama Speed and Love. I feel like it has a lot of what you described. I mean most east asian dramas can evoke this feeling through slow burn and have this manic pixie love thing you are mentioning.

 

[Worthy39]

For me, I haven't had a ton of romance yet, but my protagonist is dating someone, I guess. Not much to it, he's depressed, traumatized, but reliable and overall a nice person, and she's scared, and just one of those people that can make anyone feel better by being around her (if you've met someone like that, you get it). Not necessarily super energetic or anything, she just has the kind of personality that brightens up a room.

Well, she makes him feel better about everything he's been through, she feels safer with him around, it works for now, not a super healthy relationship, though. Still debating whether or not to have them grow together and make it work, or break up on good terms when they're both in a better place and no longer need the relationship.

 

[Aevoltaire]

I find cozy romance fairly easy to write, but I've always been a bit of a romantic. The basic formula to me is to start with people who can be friends and have the potential for deep bonds outside of romance, then mix in sexual attraction, and from there build ever deeper bonds of trust and love.

But if you are aromantic, then I can see how friends + sex doesn't automatically meld into a deeper relationship for you.

So, with that in mind, might I offer a suggestion? This is actually based on how I am currently developing things with some younger characters, well past chapter 300 of my serial, though it may want tweaking for your story.

If you want to keep the sexual tension and such, have a character who is specifically and openly only having short term relationships/friends with benefits. The idea is basically that they are on friendly terms and find each other attractive, but their paths overlap for only relatively short periods of time. So, during that time, they simply enjoy each others company (including flirting and sex) without there being anything particularly romantic.

For my particular setting, the people in this situation may repeatedly cross paths, so they usually also have a rule that if they are currently having a fling with someone, and they meet one of their other occasional lovers, there is no switching. Basically, ditching one person to hang with another person is just rude, and I'm carrying that concept across. You don't have to be in love to get your feelings hurt. This means that everyone's expectations are set; if you run into an occasional lover and thinking about hooking up, and they tell you that they are currently seeing someone else, there's no questions about them choosing one person over the other, they are just following the rule set that keeps everyone from getting hurt feelings.

Of course, my setting has some very egalitarian aspects to it, and several of the people in questions are often duty bound to travel a lot, and potentially be gone on multi-year trips once they have enough experience. This rule is not something handed down from above, it's wisdom passed from senior to junior, and spreads out to other people with similar lifestyles. This may not work for what you want to write. But I figured there was no harm in offering the idea.

I really like this idea, definitely might play with it in the future!!!!

 

[Bartun]

I'm no romance writer, but for any romance to work, you have to make the reader invest emotionally in the characters. There's nothing more off-putting than a forced romance between characters you don't even care about.

However, people will start 'shipping' any characters if they have good chemistry, even if their interactions are completely innocent. That's what you need to aim for, but it takes time.

Hope this helps!

 

[Zagaroth]

I'm no romance writer, but for any romance to work, you have to make the reader invest emotionally in the characters. There's nothing more off-putting than a forced romance between characters you don't even care about.

However, people will start 'shipping' any characters if they have good chemistry, even if their interactions are completely innocent. That's what you need to aim for, but it takes time.

Hope this helps!

That relates how a particular relationship in my story expanded from 3 people to, mm, let's call it 3+1 people, rather than 4. It's complicated.

On the one hand, my readers were definitely vibing with the idea of this fourth person joining the group, which had not been my original intention but I was also feeling the tension.

OTOH, she had history with one of the trio, and part of that history was that she doesn't actually do monogamy very well, despite having sincerely tried before.

The final arrangement is a little complicated by circumstances, but this was not at all part of my plans. She was supposed to be a whirlwind of mostly benign chaos that was around for *maybe* a month before leaving the story. Then something happened to give her cause to stay for longer to help someone out (who is not part of the trio). Which meant that she was interacting with every one more, and everything just built.

I really like this idea, definitely might play with it in the future!!!!

Glad you like it. :) These rules I developed relatively recently as I thought about how things were going to play out as certain character meet, some of whom have history, and this is what made the most sense given that this has been a recurrent situation in that area, with these organizations, for literally centuries. Given the nature of them and the other wisdom that would be passed down officially, there had to be some sort of social contract going, and it didn't feel right to have it be 'top down', as a lot of this starts with teenage trainees.

A lot of liberties can be allowed here, given that certain enchanted tattoos are mandatory for the trainees, regardless of gender: birth control and basic disease resistance — also works on colds and the flu! Less expensive versions have reduced or no protection against disease, as that is the more difficult enchantment, but the trainees get the top tier version.

 

[Ytiamy]

For me, I haven't had a ton of romance yet, but my protagonist is dating someone, I guess. Not much to it, he's depressed, traumatized, but reliable and overall a nice person, and she's scared, and just one of those people that can make anyone feel better by being around her (if you've met someone like that, you get it). Not necessarily super energetic or anything, she just has the kind of personality that brightens up a room.

Well, she makes him feel better about everything he's been through, she feels safer with him around, it works for now, not a super healthy relationship, though. Still debating whether or not to have them grow together and make it work, or break up on good terms when they're both in a better place and no longer need the relationship.

I would surely love to read it.

I'm no romance writer, but for any romance to work, you have to make the reader invest emotionally in the characters. There's nothing more off-putting than a forced romance between characters you don't even care about.

However, people will start 'shipping' any characters if they have good chemistry, even if their interactions are completely innocent. That's what you need to aim for, but it takes time.

Hope this helps!

I know right!!! I am talking about this!!