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It's hard to strike that balance, huh? Your wording edits definitely work though, and the synopsis already feels much better! Personally, I'm jealous! My own synopsis is barely two sentences, but yours took up entire paragraphs! For your synopsis, I would go for: Or something similar. All I did...

I can do world-building, emotional depth, and distinct character voices fairly well. I think describing scenery and infusing them with emotion is my greatest strength. I tend to only write in one particular style, so that lack of flexibility limits my general writing ability. I also find it hard...

Wow, my story/concept is actually a little similar to yours! It's titled Who We Once Were. It's about two sisters who hold a great power inside of them and are running away from a seemingly omniscient Church across a vast and beautiful continent. It has changes of pace, but I spent the first 4...

Most definitely I would break up the synopsis to make it easier to read. The words are phrased beautifully, but I can't make it past the second sentence without having to stop because it's just so dense. Break it up into smaller paragraphs, single lines, that kind of thing. Other than that...

Lockdown

Hi, if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you could review my story: Who We Once Were. Thanks!

Emissary

Radionuclide

Next

Shorn

I've seen the moon Among the Andean mountains I've seen the moon Walking the rainy streets of Chicago I've seen the moon On the Parisian cobblestones I've seen the moon Upon the shining seas I've seen the moon Atop the London Tower I've seen the moon Deep in the Mojave I have seen the moon in...

To me it reads like a run-on sentence. I would suggest take out the dialogue completely, and revamp the synopsis structure. Because I can't get myself to read the synopsis. If I can't understand your hook, then I won't read your story. For example, you start with "In a world where crimson eyes...

Kings

Directory

Arid

Ytterbium

Magnesium

Manganese (a hard, brittle metal on the periodic table)

Nebula

Enormity