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Omfg this is brilliant since I dont use italics for thoughts. Love ya for that one.

Situation goes like this. Guy finds girl Id and states her name. I'll be writing her nickname for the rest of the story, but we don't know the nickname yet. Should I start by calling her by the ID name then transition when she states her nickname. Also it's not a situation where she can just go...

Ok back. I can say this isn't going to be my type of series. That being said, the way you made that chase scene was amazing. The way you Painted the picture of them getting closer (literally and metaphorically) was amazing. The twist at the end was decent. I'm not really a drama/love fan so I...

You mean [ ] auto save when you copy paste? If so yes, yes they do. Also yea, i need to work on formatting the convos so much.

I can tell you i cant critique your work. I read it from time to time when I'm procrastinating. It's great. Didnt recognize your name.

Is it in this section? I will if I can find it. No promise itll be as indept as his jemini's was

I like tough criticism. The cartoonist characters i didn't feel for Berry but I totally understand that for Rena (the psycho girl if you didn't reach the name. Also imma move the name introduction up. It'll solve some pointed out problems and help dialogue.). Rena however is suppose to fit the...

Idk what else to say. It's a sci-fi show inspired by cowboy bebop. It's called the Black Bazaar Blues. It's episodic. Um I've been working on it for a while and I'm releasing it monthly to apply pressure on myself lol. All types of critique are welcome. Don't like it? Why. Grammar issues, I'd...

"Decorated with colourful lights and festoons they looked like giant drops of candy" They should be *that or a start of a new sentence. "Outside the Well of Death spectators cheered on happily as I struggled to keep my mind focused on the path curved on the wall inside the cylindrical arena."...

For me atleast, what keeps me in the story for a horror/mysterious show/story is the character. Your characters seem far enough away from basic trope characters but I have no connection to them. I feel this is coming from a few places. The view point is a narrator who mainly following Dash...

Step one visualizing something cool. An event or concept i think is cool enough to build around. Step two, make it into something. A major event, the world, the backstory. Make the cool thing into something you want to reach and write. Step 3, reach in it chapter 3 or 4 and stop writing the...

I try to keep a in mind the difference in time the events happen but I steer away from dates because of unnecessary complications it can cause.

Glad I was scrolls through old post and got to see this. Me likey the twist. I couldn't think what she could be.

The idea is there, I'm awful at first person stories. Also "It description proclaimed I could notice important yet small things that normally go unnoticed and that when I noticed" is the best worst sentence I've ever come up with lmao.

What if this is how real life works but we just don't know because we haven't killed anyone ?

So would police gain exp if they have to kill a criminal? Seems like a interesting route as well. Some father figure to mc has levels because he's a cop and confronts mc about his levels.

Stay up writing a needlessly long story or go to sleep? Welp don't want to have nightmares about this so...

Yours sound like the most nearest my situation. It's third person right? So would the flashback, 1. Have character telling it 2. Have the character thinking about it 3. Have the narrator telling the flashback to the reader.

Thrid person. Also thanks Lopez, the links really helped. I re-wrote it and atleast it looking correct now. Idk what was going through my head, but it went from third person narrative to first person and made no sense at first.