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Be careful, mud and shit don't stick to royalty so throwing it in their eyes isn't effective.

I read it on the Internet, isn't that proof enough?

I Won’t Lose To Tentacles! (She loses to tentacles in chapter three)

This is something you should be abusing Amazon's "look inside" feature for. You can usually read the first couple chapters.

When the best time to post your story is changes, you should ask frequently.

"Greetings future undead minions and rejoice, for with your deaths I shall rise again!"

No, the silly bastards who'll end up dead with basements full of toilet paper are. I'll actually need it.

Hoard toilet paper.

One per star?

Is "harem girl" more or less objectifing than "capture target"?

Smut if you're lucky, closed polls or obsolete author's notes if you're not.

I double check I haven't left any evidence, bill my client a couple hours and look around for a new cemetery.

Go for controversial instead. People aren’t always looking for something popular but they always want to know what the controversy is about.

If you’ve seen The Usual Suspects, Verbal Kint is an unreliable narrator and all the scenes he describes are false narratives.