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Holy shit :sweat_smile:

Ayyyyy y'know what? This wasn't bad. Actually, for scribblehub standards, I'd argue it's pretty great lmao. Great usage of the senses--I could practically feel and smell the world. Honestly very fluid and great prose. I have two critical points. As the others said, the main thing to think about...

You’d think being a mid-20s, first year zoomer would let me think out of the box like that but nope. I’m constrained to the ever present tragedy of vertical scrolling :blob_no:

Scrivener. Kinda don’t feel comfortable working on a website.

You don’t wanna hear it, but it’s time to grow some thick skin. Shit happens all the time. No way to prevent getting hate.

:blob_hide:

Slow burn >>> quick Realistically tho, people will want that super quick hook to keep them reading. Finding that balance is what makes a good writer. Honestly I did check out your story, and the first few paragraphs were pretty interesting, so I’ll be back to share some thoughts after I read more

>looks at Toaru Majutsu ?

scrivener, sync'd with dropbox across multiple devices. Although I might check out this obsidian program some folks are talking about. ?????????????? I uhh I don't know how you take it like that. He made it a trait for his MC, yes, but it's supposed to be because that trait is gross as shit...

My MC, Avice, from my first series on here I guess, since she’s basically the Avatar lmao. Honestly I don’t put much thought into power

Story of my fuckin life Me like slow burn. What I don’t like is stories never showing the couple in an actual relationship.

my favorite chapter is ten paragraphs of dialogue i have in my outline that will never see the light of day :)

Okay. This is extremely messy. I couldn't make it past the prologue the stuff before the Chapter 1 title. My eyes basically glazed over. The main problem? The lack of the mythic and infamous "show don't tell". Obviously there's nuance to that phrase, but I really am talking about the basics...

I live for the signature Tempokai “this is where your _____ dies” classic.

HUH. Bro….. Welp. I learned something new. Thanks for sharing it.

Or just do a Shinju no Nectar and make the women just look like average humans lmao

Would help if you posted the link :blob_popcorn:

Based (not based when we have to write synopses tho LOL)

Damn, I missed the link (im suspecting OP removed it after the edit today lmao) Or just remove the what to expect section to improve it significantly :blob_evil:

Writing a parody doesn’t mean you can throw shit to the wind and wave everything away because “it’s a parody” lmao. As Charles said, parodies actually have more work put into them because you need to know what you’re parodying. Some of my favorite stories are parodies. Not because they’re just...