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Tell me if it does help. I've been curious if it will help those who don't have it as a first language since I've been simplifying it to the core things I often want to go over but can't. As for whether or not to drop it, why not do what you can to wrap the story up and then do something new...

Well, your first error is not putting this in the feedback forum, where this is better suited. The second is not giving a link to your work.

For me, this reads like a teenager having fun with their earliest work. Why? 1) The onomatopoeia is childish. 2) There are inconsistent tenses. "Walks" is present tense, while "changed" is past tense. A consistent tense would be... Another example... A better way would be... With...

Hmm... I could give some legitimate "unorthodox" things I've done... Though it all makes sense to me. For instance, I use the color pie from Magic the Gathering to help figure out my character's approaches and philosophies to things, what they'd best align with, and why. For instance, I...

For the MC, it's difficult for me to form much an opinion because of my hatred of LitRPG. When it comes to garnering interest, concept/genre is the first thing that pulls someone in. If that doesn't work for a person, it's hard for them to form an emotional engagement to things like the...

I'd choose the first one of the two, though I didn't enjoy either. Though, I'll add that I overall hate LitRPG and that second reminded me why. That said, I do think you should keep to the humorous tone you're going for. I think that's a good touch even if it doesn't appeal to me specifically.f...

I picked regular Envy since she's Envy Prime. All the other Envys disappear without her. That's how the multiverse works.

Given that I'm a top-heavy bi-brain writer (not like that, it's neuroscience), I need both outlining and pantsing. For me, I outline the macro and pants the micro. The bigger stuff act as waypoints that I'm always working toward.

Flatter away, I'm not one to complain! :cool: Seriously though, I do appreciate it! And I should be able to do this (and the others) this week since I'm taking care of this week's script sooner than I have been lately. I have been reading everything and just gathering my thoughts.

I'm almost surprised anybody read through that, given that it's just a visual example of how that can sabotage one's own prose. :LOL: I hope the final two in this series can help out too! That and many, many others I have to make still. My list keeps growing... :er_what_s:

While outside my norm, sure, I can give it a try!

Alright, first up, the common problems I've pointed out before for others, lots of telling and guide narrator stuff over filter. So, to help you improve your prose, I recommend these two videos first, so you understand the logic behind things and can see what I might be seeing. So, for some...

Meant to post this earlier, but I've been constructing my new bicycle for the last 2 hours or so. Anyway, I'm continuing my dive into prose, this week going over the third C: Coherence. This translates to paragraph-related stuff, which led me to talk about pacing, how to organize a paragraph...

Sure, let's give this a try. I'm actually holding back a lot since I put a lot of work into my characters, particularly with understanding their psychology. I might go a bit over, apologies if it's too much, I'm trying to do this some actual justice. Name: Cassidy Cain Description From The...

Hmm... Something about this feels a bit bland to me as a start. Now, prose MIGHT be the issue, which you're another who I feel could benefit from a lot of prose-related lessons, so... I'm going to focus on 3 things for you. First, the thing I keep bringing up here, relying heavily on telling...

This is painful to read. I took a look out of curiosity and, frankly, this reads more like avant-garde crud. All of this feels like it's just being different for the sake of being "unique" and "special" as opposed to anything being informed creative decisions.

Always glad to hear this since I often feel like they're pretty eh in the greater YouTube landscape. :biggrin_s: At any rate, I hope this stuff is useful! Especially so people like @Iamnotabot don't feel like smut is hard to write anymore. :s_wink: Also, while I'm here... Glad to provide what...

I'm back on prose this week. In fact, for those who haven't subscribed to my channel (which I'd appreciate it if you do, it helps me grow, which makes it easier for me to help more people who are interested), I'm going to devote this month to just completing the full series on The 5 Cs for...

Kudos! And yeah, this is just a small example of what I can do. Just a quick dose of entertainment and immediate gratification in a short span of time. If it interests someone in the bigger work, that's great, but my main goal was to create a concentrated narrative experience that allows the...

My question on why he just gives up instead of trying to prove his innocence becomes even stronger given the intent. To help you with pacing, I recommend a video I made some time ago. Okay, first, with formatting dialogue, you want to identify the speaker as soon as possible more often than...