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Okay, so, I read this, and this was an incredibly strong opening. There is so much you're doing well in it. You started the scene at a good place, I got an immediate sense of the characters, I like the drama you used, the foreboding mystery of things, etc. Also, that opening line is so great a...

Alright, so, in your case, yes, I would since I think you do well with introducing the characters, I like Azalon and Cornell's convo, and I like the characterization with Azalon being more thoughtful, meticulous, and friendly while Cornell has the whole weary about the adventurous lifestyle...

Alright, let's do some speed running. First up, I have a question: why is this first-person present tense? I'd just like to know the logic behind that cursed combination. Also, I'd lose this: I hate having to refer to this over and over to understand what's going on since it isn't intuitive...

A "dad" is the last thing I see myself as. :ROFLMAO:

Your birthday? If so, Happy Birthday! And here's hoping I don't disappoint. :ROFLMAO:

Hmm... I'm curious how you'll respond to the erotica vignette I wrote called "Breakfast in Bed."

Thomas Edison disagrees. ? But yeah, I'm not into plagiarism, but otherwise, I view AI as a tool. People who try to use it in the most generic way possible get generic results. People who push it further and further can push themselves further. It's just an assistant at the end of the day.

Can do that, at the very least! There are examples where it works well and where it doesn't. Personally, I believe gradually easing into more characters and building off of things is the best way to go. I know I've experienced this when trying to read The Stormlight Archive. I've tried time and...

I know lots of people like having lots of main characters and POVs. I also know how tricky this can get with ease. So, to help people wade through that sea, I made this. As always, I hope it helps out.

I didn't know there was a rulebook to begin with.

Hmm... Alright, I'm game to give this a try. If this seems like something that would interest you. Click the cover art for the link. Genre: Mystery/Suspense Synopsis Part crime solver, part crime causer, the cunning heiress Cassidy Cain uses her privilege and wits for those without her...

Ahh, okay on that! The fact that's where the story starts makes it a bit harder to tell, but I can see how it works there. And yeah, that's a case where it can fall into the exception. I'll expand on what I could've said before then on rogue body parts when the exception comes into play. But...

Apologies, these can blend in a lot at times. I like your opening myself, though I do think it might lack an immediate hook into the core story because of how long everything goes with the description and worldbuilding. I can see the more gradual pace sabotaging with some, though I also...

Nothing because they refuse to engage with anybody.

Just for the record, I believe what you're looking for is an alpha reader -- though I could be wrong. Alpha readers help you with big-picture mistakes with structure, character, pacing, and plotting. Beta readers catch little words, like awkward phrases, grammar, typos, etc. They're more on the...

Well, this was a unique one to do. I'd pass on this one personally, but my top reason would be that the premise doesn't interest me personally. That said, I give you props for writing with this in mind. Now, ignoring that, there was something I noticed reading the prose that impacted things as...

I should be doing this again next week. There's something I'm thinking about doing this week to make this easier on me once again. And tackle reoccurring issues I notice in a way that's informative.

Kudos for the shoutout! Yeah, I write criminal side. I focus predominately on phantom thievery with cons, heists, and mystery solving. And staying ahead of the law while doing things, so cat & mouse type stuff too. I tend to be more cerebral-focused if that's what you want.

That version would throw off the pace of the scene for me. I prefer sentence speed that mirrors the action itself. As for @Sebas_Guzman example, that is a good foundation for the version I might use it for, though it comes down to intent on my part. The period version makes for a more measured...

Oh yeah, you don't have to worry about hard feelings at all with me. This was fun! :ROFLMAO: People seriously underestimate how much I genuinely enjoy going into stuff like this. I mean, you don't end up studying as much as I do if you don't enjoy the process. At most I hate going into the...