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Yesterday was our anniversary. 25 years married. 32 years living together. We said the same thing we do every year. We threw our pseudopods up in the air like we were on a Roller Coaster, shouted, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Then, "One more time around the sun, my love?" We both agreed.

You are in violation of cosmic piracy code 577-alpha-sextant-c. We check all nearby alternate realities for copyright infringement and plagiarism. It is clear that your story, Hortan Hears A Whore, was printed in 1793 by George Washington not more that three universes away. How dare you, sir?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Wait wait wait... your latest chapters are struggling to reach 100? Chapter 125 of my story, I'm at... 293k words. I have 18 views. 4 of those views are mine... and you think that you are doing poorly? Dude, I WISH I had 100 views a chapter. Yeah. Easy. Take your...

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! MOUTH BONES! DISGUSTING MOUTH BONES!

I have no idea. It's a triple script meaning that the Federal Government gets a copy of the script when you get it prescribed. It's one of the higher ranked controlled substances.

Methylphenidate? (aka Ritalin) Ehh... It's got some kick, but it won't go the distance. Now Crystal Meth? That does nothing to combat sleep deprivation. It just gives you energy while degrading your mental acumen. No no no... If your goal is to stay awake AND do some writing, there is only one...

You want to limit me to only one CHAPTER? How about a BOOK? Tales from the trenches. A dark comedy Fan Fiction about the Seige of Vraks. It's an anthology. It starts out funny, but by the end you are rooting for a rotting skeleton that is animated only by shame as it wields a rusty shovel trying...

As a cloud of spite and eyes that exist beyond mortal ken, I slice at life all the time. I find that most forms of life tend to be much more controllable when properly bifurcated.

I am uncertain about the lack of Maiden. What if I had been married so long that the maiden I married had made it to Crone rank?

Pretend? OH! RIGHT! Uhh... Hold on. I got a chart I need to check. Lets see... flow chart... flow chart... where is my flow chart... AH. Okay. So... I am supposed to... Hrmmm... I give up. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to claim to be. I'm gonna check my laundry.

gesundheit.

So I asked an AI to do a "Are you human" like test from Bladerunner. Here's some of my answers: Why Yes, I am quite the Human. I involuntarily moisten my corneas and everything! By the by... out of everyone who works here, who would you say is the juiciest? **Can you follow this light with...

You got beaten into a coma and have damage to the hypothalamus too? Provigil. Normally it's used to treat narcolepsy, but when you have chronic insomnia, it replaces the missing enzymes you need to be able to fall asleep. Make sure to wear a hat as you need to raise the temp of your brain by...

Uhhh... what? I'm... married? I haz a confused.

The void is in a committed relationship. Abstract representation vs clearly defined parameters for exploitation GO!

*me creating sock accounts* ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

You keep the void in your heart? I'll let it know. I'm sure it'll be flattered. The void has been rather depressed lately and knowing you care will be sure to brighten its day. Not that any amount of illumination can brighten THE VOID.

So it's PTW? Ugh. Whatever. I guess I use whatever the default is. I dunno. I'm not sure exactly what part of the visual spectrum you mammals use.