Looking for Honest Feedback on My Dark Romance Novel – The Devil’s Silent Vow

[Nehamoira]

I’m currently writing a dark romance novel titled “The Devil’s Silent Vow.” I would really appreciate it if you could take some time to read it and share your honest feedback.
I’m especially interested in your thoughts on the characters, emotions, and overall story.
Any kind of feedback—positive or critical—is welcome and will help me improve.
Thank you

-Nehamoira

Novel Link - https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2225506/---/#comments

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Since nobody else answered:
I'm not the person you would want to give you feedback in any of the book's contents, because I don't like hetero romance. But I do dark gay romance, so from that standpoint, I don't get why there is so much... going on?
Like, I get it, people are being sissy about things that are obvious, but if the first thing I see is content warnings over content warnings, when I already got the message from the "dark romance" type of synopsis, I just get bored.
On the topic of getting bored: Your synopsis is frustrating. It goes on and on forever and what with all these single line? Don't get me wrong, a story should be properly set. But that isn't "properly" and it's the synopsis to boot.
I didn't even catch the name of the protagonist, until you mentioned it in you preface, which was just as tedious to get through, as mentioned above.
Even IF I was interested in reading such a story, I wouldn't get there, since I would have closed the tab in annoyance before that.
I would advise to revise. The synopsis is the first thing readers get to know of your story. It needs to be impactful, not be a complete wash.

 

[Nehamoira]

Since nobody else answered:
I'm not the person you would want to give you feedback in any of the book's contents, because I don't like hetero romance. But I do dark gay romance, so from that standpoint, I don't get why there is so much... going on?
Like, I get it, people are being sissy about things that are obvious, but if the first thing I see is content warnings over content warnings, when I already got the message from the "dark romance" type of synopsis, I just get bored.
On the topic of getting bored: Your synopsis is frustrating. It goes on and on forever and what with all these single line? Don't get me wrong, a story should be properly set. But that isn't "properly" and it's the synopsis to boot.
I didn't even catch the name of the protagonist, until you mentioned it in you preface, which was just as tedious to get through, as mentioned above.
Even IF I was interested in reading such a story, I wouldn't get there, since I would have closed the tab in annoyance before that.
I would advise to revise. The synopsis is the first thing readers get to know of your story. It needs to be impactful, not be a complete wash.

Hey, thank you so much for replying—I really appreciate it
I know this isn’t your kind of genre, so it genuinely means a lot that you still gave it a try and shared your thoughts.

I understand what you said about the synopsis, and I’ll definitely work on making it shorter and more impactful. This is actually my first time writing, so I’m still figuring things out and really needed honest feedback like yours.

Also, can I ask you one thing? Do you think I should just shorten the author’s note or remove it completely?

Thanks again for being honest, it really helps

 

[Eldoria]

This isn't feedback, but your fiction isn't showing up on the author profile page. Your account status is still a member, not an author. Try seeking help with your fiction's visibility issues.

Note: Your fiction genres are not my cup of tea. I'm not reviewing it, more out of personal preference.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Hey, thank you so much for replying—I really appreciate it
I know this isn’t your kind of genre, so it genuinely means a lot that you still gave it a try and shared your thoughts.

I understand what you said about the synopsis, and I’ll definitely work on making it shorter and more impactful. This is actually my first time writing, so I’m still figuring things out and really needed honest feedback like yours.

Also, can I ask you one thing? Do you think I should just shorten the author’s note or remove it completely?

Thanks again for being honest, it really helps

When it comes to the length of a synopsis: Think of the back of a printed novel and imagine your text on it. If it's too long to fit, you know it shouldn't be this long. Take it as a rule of thumb, until you gather enough experience.

The author's note - and with that I mean that obsolete extra chapter - is something I would completely remove. You can put something in as a note underneath or above your actual first chapter, using the "Author's Note" function among the formating options of the site. If you want to include Content Warnings, that is up to you; I personally don't like them, because it feels like an infantilization; I can gather that it's for adults, the synopsis, the cover and the genre tell me the direction and if I have some sort of trauma or things I can't read (which I do) it is my own responsibility to take care of that, not anyone else's. As soon as I reach a part I can't deal with, I can stop reading. But that seems to be a lost art.
Anyway, it's up to your discretion, you won't make everyone happy either way. But the entire extra chapter is just bloat and feels like the author is trying too hard to get that point across.

This isn't feedback, but your fiction isn't showing up on the author profile page. Your account status is still a member, not an author. Try seeking help with your fiction's visibility issues.

Note: Your fiction genres are not my cup of tea. I'm not reviewing it, more out of personal preference.

I didn't even notice that, lol. Good catch.

 

[Nehamoira]

When it comes to the length of a synopsis: Think of the back of a printed novel and imagine your text on it. If it's too long to fit, you know it shouldn't be this long. Take it as a rule of thumb, until you gather enough experience.

The author's note - and with that I mean that obsolete extra chapter - is something I would completely remove. You can put something in as a note underneath or above your actual first chapter, using the "Author's Note" function among the formating options of the site. If you want to include Content Warnings, that is up to you; I personally don't like them, because it feels like an infantilization; I can gather that it's for adults, the synopsis, the cover and the genre tell me the direction and if I have some sort of trauma or things I can't read (which I do) it is my own responsibility to take care of that, not anyone else's. As soon as I reach a part I can't deal with, I can stop reading. But that seems to be a lost art.
Anyway, it's up to your discretion, you won't make everyone happy either way. But the entire extra chapter is just bloat and feels like the author is trying too hard to get that point across.

I didn't even notice that, lol. Good catch.

Hey, thank you again for your earlier feedback, I really appreciated it
I tried to rewrite my synopsis based on what you said and make it shorter and more impactful. Do you think this version works better? Should I replace the old one with this?
Also, I’m a bit confused about something—my profile is still showing as “member” instead of “author,” even though I started publishing my novel on March 11. I’m not sure why it’s like that.
If you have any idea or suggestion, I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks again for your help

The Devil’s Silent Vow
The Cruelest Love Is the One You Can’t Escape
Sera Romano ran from her family’s empire and built a life no one could take from her.
She was wrong.
Her story begins at her own wedding—white dress, sixty witnesses, a man she loved waiting at the altar.
Until Damien Ashford walked in.
The King of Death.
The most dangerous man in Blackbridge City.
A man who never wanted anything he couldn’t have.
Until her.
He didn’t just interrupt her wedding.
He destroyed it.
Took her future, her freedom—
and forced a vow from her lips in front of everyone she loved.
Now the city whispers her name alongside his.
Because something about Sera Romano—
a runaway princess who was never meant to be his—
broke every rule Damien Ashford ever lived by.
And buried beneath fear and fury…
there is a past between them.
A choice made three years ago.
A mistake neither of them survived.
And Damien Ashford did not come this far to let her run again.
Some obsessions don’t need reasons.
They just have a name.
Hers.

 

[Makimaam]

Wow.

 

[Nehamoira]

Wow.

Thank you so much
I’m really happy you liked it!

Can you tell me what you liked the most? I’d love to know

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Hey, thank you again for your earlier feedback, I really appreciated it
I tried to rewrite my synopsis based on what you said and make it shorter and more impactful. Do you think this version works better? Should I replace the old one with this?
Also, I’m a bit confused about something—my profile is still showing as “member” instead of “author,” even though I started publishing my novel on March 11. I’m not sure why it’s like that.
If you have any idea or suggestion, I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks again for your help

The Devil’s Silent Vow
The Cruelest Love Is the One You Can’t Escape
Sera Romano ran from her family’s empire and built a life no one could take from her.
She was wrong.
Her story begins at her own wedding—white dress, sixty witnesses, a man she loved waiting at the altar.
Until Damien Ashford walked in.
The King of Death.
The most dangerous man in Blackbridge City.
A man who never wanted anything he couldn’t have.
Until her.
He didn’t just interrupt her wedding.
He destroyed it.
Took her future, her freedom—
and forced a vow from her lips in front of everyone she loved.
Now the city whispers her name alongside his.
Because something about Sera Romano—
a runaway princess who was never meant to be his—
broke every rule Damien Ashford ever lived by.
And buried beneath fear and fury…
there is a past between them.
A choice made three years ago.
A mistake neither of them survived.
And Damien Ashford did not come this far to let her run again.
Some obsessions don’t need reasons.
They just have a name.
Hers.

Why is it broken up like this? I get the idea that you want to create pauses, but that's too much. oô
Example:

His obsession doesn't need a reason,
but it does have a name - hers. <- Use that as the hook, if you want one.

Sera Romano ran from her family’s empire and built a life she thought no one could take from her. Yet she was wrong.
Fate caught up to her at her own wedding: White dress, sixty witnesses, a man she loved waiting at the altar, until Damien Ashford walked in.
The King of Death; the most dangerous man in Blackbridge City. A man who never wanted anything he couldn’t have - until he met her.
He didn’t just interrupt her wedding; he destroyed it; took it from her.
He took her future, her freedom, and forced a vow from her lips in front of everyone she loved.

A past that was meant to stay buried - a mistake neither of them survived.
And Damien Ashford did not come this far to let her run away again.



I cut out all the bloat down to the important parts. If there's anything super important, which I wouldn't know, you can add it back in. But I wouldn't do much more than that, since dark romance novels don't have much to hide in the first place and you want to keep something untold.
As for the issue with your profile: You will have to go to the actual Scribble Hub site, scroll all the way down and hit up the email adress from the "contact" option down at the bottom of the page.

 

[Nehamoira]

Why is it broken up like this? I get the idea that you want to create pauses, but that's too much. oô
Example:

His obsession doesn't need a reason,
but it does have a name - hers. <- Use that as the hook, if you want one.

Sera Romano ran from her family’s empire and built a life she thought no one could take from her. Yet she was wrong.
Fate caught up to her at her own wedding: White dress, sixty witnesses, a man she loved waiting at the altar, until Damien Ashford walked in.
The King of Death; the most dangerous man in Blackbridge City. A man who never wanted anything he couldn’t have - until he met her.
He didn’t just interrupt her wedding; he destroyed it; took it from her.
He took her future, her freedom, and forced a vow from her lips in front of everyone she loved.

A past that was meant to stay buried - a mistake neither of them survived.
And Damien Ashford did not come this far to let her run away again.



I cut out all the bloat down to the important parts. If there's anything super important, which I wouldn't know, you can add it back in. But I wouldn't do much more than that, since dark romance novels don't have much to hide in the first place and you want to keep something untold.
As for the issue with your profile: You will have to go to the actual Scribble Hub site, scroll all the way down and hit up the email adress from the "contact" option down at the bottom of the page.

Hey, thank you so much for all your help, I really appreciate it

Your feedback honestly made a big difference. I tried to fix everything you pointed out—kept it cleaner, reduced the breaks, and used the hook like you suggested.

This is my updated version. Do you think I can finalize this now, or is there anything else I should tweak?

Also, thank you for pointing out the member/author issue. I’ll contact them and send an email about it soon.

Really appreciate you guiding me like this

---

The Devil’s Silent Vow
The Cruelest Love Is the One You Can’t Escape

His obsession doesn’t need a reason—it has a name. Hers.

Sera Romano ran from her family’s empire and built a life she thought no one could take from her. She was wrong. Her story begins at her own wedding—white dress, sixty witnesses, a man she loved waiting at the altar—until Damien Ashford walks in.

The King of Death. The most dangerous man in Blackbridge City. A man who had never wanted anything—until he wanted her.

He doesn’t just interrupt her wedding—he destroys it. He takes her future, her freedom, and forces a vow from her lips in front of everyone she loved.

Now the city whispers her name alongside his. Because something about Sera Romano—a runaway princess who was never meant to be his—broke every rule Damien Ashford ever lived by.

There is a past between them. A choice made three years ago. A mistake neither of them survived.

And Damien Ashford did not come this far to let her run again.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Also, thank you for pointing out the member/author issue. I’ll contact them and send an email about it soon.

You should thank @Eldoria for that, though.

 

[Nehamoira]

This isn't feedback, but your fiction isn't showing up on the author profile page. Your account status is still a member, not an author. Try seeking help with your fiction's visibility issues.

Note: Your fiction genres are not my cup of tea. I'm not reviewing it, more out of personal preference.

Hey, thank you so much for pointing that out earlier, I really appreciate it
I’m so sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed your comment before
I’ve already contacted Scribble Hub support about the issue, so hopefully it gets fixed soon.
And no worries at all about the genre! I completely understand, everyone has their own preferences

You should thank @Eldoria for that, though.

Ohh, my bad you’re right. I should’ve thanked @Eldoria first.
I think I got a bit too focused (and a little hyper ) trying to fix my synopsis, and I completely forgot to reply properly.
Thank you for reminding me
And honestly, I really appreciate all the help from you guys, it means a lot to me

 

[TheKillingAlice]

Hey, thank you so much for pointing that out earlier, I really appreciate it
I’m so sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed your comment before
I’ve already contacted Scribble Hub support about the issue, so hopefully it gets fixed soon.
And no worries at all about the genre! I completely understand, everyone has their own preferences

Ohh, my bad you’re right. I should’ve thanked @Eldoria first.
I think I got a bit too focused (and a little hyper ) trying to fix my synopsis, and I completely forgot to reply properly.
Thank you for reminding me
And honestly, I really appreciate all the help from you guys, it means a lot to me

Well, the community is there to help (if someone feels obligated).