Dad Jokes

[sleepandeatallday]

Exactly what the title says! Tell me your worst or best dad jokes and I'd rate them out of a score of 10! Extra points for some dark humor added in!

 

[Bimbanana]

Im not an english speaker, but i teach my 7yo a little bit of english.

I told him if someone asked him "Do You Understand?",
He needs to answer with "I Stand Under You"

 

[NapLovingImmortal]

Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.

 

[Bimbanana]

My dad was a sailor. Everytime he caught me sneaking in the house at 3AM,
He always shaking his head and say:

"Whale whale whale..."

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

 

[TASTYLEADPAINT]

Tell you my dad jokes? But all my good ones -

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

@Hans.Trondheim it's your time to shine.

 

[AggravatingLab]

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.

 

[sleepandeatallday]

Im not an english speaker, but i teach my 7yo a little bit of english.

I told him if someone asked him "Do You Understand?",
He needs to answer with "I Stand Under You"

Yess! 7/10!

That 7 year has the potential! You need to cultivate from the start!

Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.

5/10

Ever wondered how skeletons even stayed in place with no tendons or muscles or ligaments holding the bones together?

My dad was a sailor. Everytime he caught me sneaking in the house at 3AM,
He always shaking his head and say:

"Whale whale whale..."

5/10
....though I'm still confused? What did whale mean?

View attachment 47771

8/10

Tell you my dad jokes? But all my good ones -View attachment 47772

9/10
I am biased! It had the potential to get full marks but I hate chemistry with a burning passion! QAQ

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.

4/10

 

[Nevafrost]

5/10
....though I'm still confused? What did whale mean?

Maybe, it was supposed to be "Well well well" but he was sailor so...

 

[Worthy39]

Unfortunately, I do not have the authority to tell dad jokes. I was told by a dad (not my dad, just some dad who I have no relation to, nor do I know their child) that I am not allowed to use them until I become a father. I can't even remember what dad joke I made that day, but it was so bad that a random father approached me and told me I'm not allowed to.

 

[SRB]

Who’s the fastest pop star? Taylor Swift

 

[sleepandeatallday]

Unfortunately, I do not have the authority to tell dad jokes. I was told by a dad (not my dad, just some dad who I have no relation to, nor do I know their child) that I am not allowed to use them until I become a father. I can't even remember what dad joke I made that day, but it was so bad that a random father approached me and told me I'm not allowed to.

I'll award you 10/10! Whatever joke you made, it was bad enough! And that's where the essence of dad jokes lay! You have the talent!

Who’s the fastest pop star? Taylor Swift

no scoring.... don't wanna offend any swifties..... those fans are crazy *shivers in fear*

 

[Bimbanana]

I also teach my son to avoid people who perform pantomime.
Because they tend to do unspeakable things...

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

Remember twin if February didn't March then April May.

 

[LeilaniOtter]

One day,, Professor X was reviewing the application of a young girl who wanted to attend Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. As they spoke, the Professor asked, "Alright, so what exactly is your superpower?"

The girl glanced up at a ceiling fan a few feet above them and then pointed. "I can predict how many pulls of the cord a ceiling fan has to go until it shuts off entirely. This one needs three pulls."

Professor X looked a little confused. "How exactly is that a superpower?"

The girl shrugged with a smile. "Well, first see if I was right."

The Professor shrugged too, stood up and reached for the cord, pulling it three times. The ceiling fan turned off. "Well, that's certainly interesting. But like I said-"

The girl interrupted, waving a hand. "Oh, I know. I was lying. My superpower is actually curing paraplegics."

 

[AggravatingLab]

Damn, mine is the worst rated one till now? Don't even know if I should take that as a compliment or not. Welp still got a few more so here goes.

I was at the bank making a deposit and the woman next to me asked if she could check her balance. So, I pushed her over.

A father is walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. The priest begins the ceremony and comes to the part where he says "who gives this woman away" The father pipes up and says "I do and I want a receipt"

 

[sleepandeatallday]

I also teach my son to avoid people who perform pantomime.
Because they tend to do unspeakable things...

7/10
That was really clever!

Remember twin if February didn't March then April May.

8/10

One day,, Professor X was reviewing the application of a young girl who wanted to attend Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. As they spoke, the Professor asked, "Alright, so what exactly is your superpower?"

The girl glanced up at a ceiling fan a few feet above them and then pointed. "I can predict how many pulls of the cord a ceiling fan has to go until it shuts off entirely. This one needs three pulls."

Professor X looked a little confused. "How exactly is that a superpower?"

The girl shrugged with a smile. "Well, first see if I was right."

The Professor shrugged too, stood up and reached for the cord, pulling it three times. The ceiling fan turned off. "Well, that's certainly interesting. But like I said-"

The girl interrupted, waving a hand. "Oh, I know. I was lying. My superpower is actually curing paraplegics."

9/10

This is an elite joke! Literally! I had to google what paraplegics means! It's such a fancy term! But the joke is genius!!!

Damn, mine is the worst rated one till now? Don't even know if I should take that as a compliment or not. Welp still got a few more so here goes.

I was at the bank making a deposit and the woman next to me asked if she could check her balance. So, I pushed her over.

A father is walking his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. The priest begins the ceremony and comes to the part where he says "who gives this woman away" The father pipes up and says "I do and I want a receipt"

The worst it's rated the better the dad joke it'll be! Cause all dad jokes are bad! That's the essence!

7/10

 

[Sunsetinapainting]

This is my dad's favorite.
Me; Dad I'm full I can't eat any more
Dad; no your not full your wise so eat.

 

[sleepandeatallday]

This is my dad's favorite.
Me; Dad I'm full I can't eat any more
Dad; no your not full your wise so eat.

3/10

Truly a dad joke! Never say that again! *shivers*