Can I get a review?

[ipsofacto]

Ephemeral, Yet Eternal | Scribble Hub
Hello! I am new and I want to know if my story suits the platform.

 

[c37]

Ephemeral, Yet Eternal | Scribble Hub
Hello! I am new and I want to know if my story suits the platform.

Welcome froren.

 

[ipsofacto]

View attachment 47421
Welcome froren.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

I don't know, can you?


Hi, I'm old and insane.
Welcome to SH, you're here forever.

 

[SouthernMaiden]

Ephemeral, Yet Eternal | Scribble Hub
Hello! I am new and I want to know if my story suits the platform.

I read it. Some of the formatting needs work, needs mobile friendly spacing.

I think with a concept like this it either needs to be a short story or short novel. Or something needs to happen to give the protag more agency.

Like how much can they interact with the world, if at all?

Overall, do like the concept! And I think it could turn into a good story. Bit early to tell for me at this point

 

[Eldoria]

Ephemeral, Yet Eternal | Scribble Hub
Hello! I am new and I want to know if my story suits the platform.

Well, I've read two of your chapters. My impression is, are you sure this is a fantasy genre?

Your synopsis describes this fiction as philosophical. I was hoping it would at least touch on popular philosophical fiction narratives like Sophie's World.

However, what I found was just a confusing protagonist rambling. Your narrative is introspective using the first POV but too many questions without explanation. Your narrative keeps asking and asking.

I know you want to invite the reader to reflect and think. But this is too much. Asking question after question feels more like an interrogation.

If you want to discuss a philosophical concept, you need to focus on the formal object. For example, discussing existence. Focus on how your narrative proves the existence of your character, as René Descartes said, "Cogito, ergo sum."

I find your narrative is still chaotic and the logic is not coherent. I don't feel like I gained any new understanding after closing your chapter.

The strength of philosophical fiction is how narrative can lead the reader to new understandings (usually philosophical and theoretical).

Try reading Sophie's World. Learn how the author crafts a down-to-earth narrative for readers to explain various philosophies from classical to postmodern times.

Also, another complaint: your chapter format is messed up. Casual readers will get tired of reading your narrative.

Give each paragraph a line. Don't stack paragraphs like that without a line break.

Lastly, is this fiction a good fit for the SH platform? It's still too early to tell. Some genres do stand out (fantasy, for example).

But that doesn't mean other fiction doesn't have readers. There are niche markets, albeit small and segmented ones.

So, if you're willing to be patient in attracting readers, then writing, reading, evaluating and refining your narrative, and releasing chapters regularly... are efforts you can control.

Well, that's a bit of feedback from me.

Regards.

 

[SouthernMaiden]

Well, I've read two of your chapters. My impression is, are you sure this is a fantasy genre?

Your synopsis describes this fiction as philosophical. I was hoping it would at least touch on popular philosophical fiction narratives like Sophie's World.

However, what I found was just a confusing protagonist rambling. Your narrative is introspective using the first POV but too many questions without explanation. Your narrative keeps asking and asking.

I know you want to invite the reader to reflect and think. But this is too much. Asking question after question feels more like an interrogation.

If you want to discuss a philosophical concept, you need to focus on the formal object. For example, discussing existence. Focus on how your narrative proves the existence of your character, as René Descartes said, "Cogito, ergo sum."

I find your narrative is still chaotic and the logic is not coherent. I don't feel like I gained any new understanding after closing your chapter.

The strength of philosophical fiction is how narrative can lead the reader to new understandings (usually philosophical and theoretical).

Try reading Sophie's World. Learn how the author crafts a down-to-earth narrative for readers to explain various philosophies from classical to postmodern times.

Also, another complaint: your chapter format is messed up. Casual readers will get tired of reading your narrative.

Give each paragraph a line. Don't stack paragraphs like that without a line break.

Lastly, is this fiction a good fit for the SH platform? It's still too early to tell. Some genres do stand out (fantasy, for example).

But that doesn't mean other fiction doesn't have readers. There are niche markets, albeit small and segmented ones.

So, if you're willing to be patient in attracting readers, then writing, reading, evaluating and refining your narrative, and releasing chapters regularly... are efforts you can control.

Well, that's a bit of feedback from me.

Regards.

Good feedback as usual.

 

[ipsofacto]

I read it. Some of the formatting needs work, needs mobile friendly spacing.

I think with a concept like this it either needs to be a short story or short novel. Or something needs to happen to give the protag more agency.

Like how much can they interact with the world, if at all?

Overall, do like the concept! And I think it could turn into a good story. Bit early to tell for me at this point

Thank you so much for reading✨️ I will edit it out to suit formatting.

Well, I've read two of your chapters. My impression is, are you sure this is a fantasy genre?

Your synopsis describes this fiction as philosophical. I was hoping it would at least touch on popular philosophical fiction narratives like Sophie's World.

However, what I found was just a confusing protagonist rambling. Your narrative is introspective using the first POV but too many questions without explanation. Your narrative keeps asking and asking.

I know you want to invite the reader to reflect and think. But this is too much. Asking question after question feels more like an interrogation.

If you want to discuss a philosophical concept, you need to focus on the formal object. For example, discussing existence. Focus on how your narrative proves the existence of your character, as René Descartes said, "Cogito, ergo sum."

I find your narrative is still chaotic and the logic is not coherent. I don't feel like I gained any new understanding after closing your chapter.

The strength of philosophical fiction is how narrative can lead the reader to new understandings (usually philosophical and theoretical).

Try reading Sophie's World. Learn how the author crafts a down-to-earth narrative for readers to explain various philosophies from classical to postmodern times.

Also, another complaint: your chapter format is messed up. Casual readers will get tired of reading your narrative.

Give each paragraph a line. Don't stack paragraphs like that without a line break.

Lastly, is this fiction a good fit for the SH platform? It's still too early to tell. Some genres do stand out (fantasy, for example).

But that doesn't mean other fiction doesn't have readers. There are niche markets, albeit small and segmented ones.

So, if you're willing to be patient in attracting readers, then writing, reading, evaluating and refining your narrative, and releasing chapters regularly... are efforts you can control.

Well, that's a bit of feedback from me.

Regards.

That's such a well detailed feedback! I can agree with you in so many aspects. I do understand your words regarding the logic, because I pictured this to be a experimental fiction. The reason I tagged it under fantasy, is precisely because I couldn't get a suitable genre. I have read Sophie's world! Glad to find another reader who has read this masterpiece! I will patiently wait till I post all the chapters then I will edit plots out. One of my biggest weakness is flow.
Thank you so much for analysing and giving such a meaningful feedback. It means a lot to me!!!

I don't know, can you?


Hi, I'm old and insane.
Welcome to SH, you're here forever.

glad to be here forever

 

[Eldoria]

I will patiently wait till I post all the chapters then I will edit plots out. One of my biggest weakness is flow.
Thank you so much for analysing and giving such a meaningful feedback. It means a lot to me!!!

Well, I've bookmarked your fiction. I'll be patient and see how your narrative develops into a philosophical narrative.

 

[Makimaam]

There’s a lot to like in your book. It is atmospheric without elaborate scenic description. There’s a melancholy in it. And there is subtle melancholy within both characters that isn’t told explicitly but shown through actions. The dialogue is natural and nice to read.

However, all of that brightness is dampened by the following glaring issues you must address.

1. Number your chapters.
2. Space your paragraphs.
3. Fix punctuation:

"Do you ever feel happy when you're with me?", she asked.

Or

"You're late.", she extended a hand towards me, perhaps to invite holding it.

4. Add dialogue tags or action tags. This isn’t a big problem in the prologue, but it is annoying to track in Chapter 1.

5. Refine prose for less repetition

My legs pushed harder against the pedals. I was accelerating on my bicycle. I reached the bridge. My feet pressed against the brakes of my bicycle.

And there are many more. Proofread it again and again. This kind of introspective story might not be for everyone here on SH. The idea isn’t new either, but the earnestness in your author voice elevates it. Now you need to fix your grammar.

 

[ipsofacto]

There’s a lot to like in your book. It is atmospheric without elaborate scenic description. There’s a melancholy in it. And there is subtle melancholy within both characters that isn’t told explicitly but shown through actions. The dialogue is natural and nice to read.

However, all of that brightness is dampened by the following glaring issues you must address.

1. Number your chapters.
2. Space your paragraphs.
3. Fix punctuation:

Or



4. Add dialogue tags or action tags. This isn’t a big problem in the prologue, but it is annoying to track in Chapter 1.

5. Refine prose for less repetition


And there are many more. Proofread it again and again. This kind of introspective story might not be for everyone here on SH. The idea isn’t new either, but the earnestness in your author voice elevates it. Now you need to fix your grammar.

I promise I will refine my grammar! I will edit out according to your suggestions too. Thank you so much for reading ✨️✨️

Well, I've bookmarked your fiction. I'll be patient and see how your narrative develops into a philosophical narrative.

✨️✨️