Would you read this?

[A-Random-Writer]

This is my own universe based off a game me and my friends played in middle school.


The skies above earth darkened. Crowds went silent. Phones shut off. A giant starship hung above the planet.

"What is that?"
"Thats not one of our ships"

The planet shook as another ship came from seemingly no where.

"There's two of them..." panic began to spread.

<Warning Warning unidentified aircraft near Republic air space. All civilians to proceed to the nearest nuclear bunker- >

A beam flew down from the starship slamming into the speaker instantly vaporizing it.

People began to run around trying to find cover in buildings. They were still vaporized.

Soon the earth shook again.

"This is the EUS Unity you are attacking human establishments. Stop your attack."

Fighters craft began to take off from the unity swarming the massive star ships.

They turned their guns towards the Unity.

"Hold- hold your fire. This is a human- planet"

Another beam flew from the ship striking an outer engine on the Unity.

The fighter swarming the hostile ships were shot down almost instantly.

A police officer down below sat and watched the destruction.

"Damn. This is it isn't it." He drew his pistol and aimed it towards the sky.

Bam! Bam! Two shots rang out.

Nothing.

He slouched down still staring at the skies.

A beam of light came down. He wasn't there anymore.

<Offical public service announcement from the president of the nation.>

<Today April 23rd 2101 the peaceful nation the Galactic Republic of Elitoga has been attacked. Our only two operational starship have been heavily damaged. Our freedom as humanity is at risk. I stand here asking for your support to push back this threat or we face the extermination of Mankind its self.>

 

[A-Random-Writer]

This is just a rough draft btw

 

[Conqueror_Quack]

This is just a rough draft btw

Make it a poll.

 

[A-Random-Writer]

Ok

 

[A-Random-Writer]

Since most people say they need more to tell if its readable then once I get to my computer I will write a full chapter and see if its worth continuing

 

[TinaMigarlo]

cowboys and aliens, I dig. And if the indians would have had death beams, things might have turned out different. Gotcha on the trope.

 

[Emotica]

To be honest, I'm unsure. This draft is extremely rough. Even ignoring the major grammatical issues, it's unclear what the actual plot is. Aliens attacking humans in the near future? If you pretend that you know nothing about your own story, and read this line-by-line and keep a separate notepad of what the reader would be thinking, is it aligning with your vision? A beam shoots a speaker? What speaker? Where is it? Why would a large starship target a random speaker? There isn't just one speaker warning all of humanity of an invasion, is there? How loud is that one speaker? Why would the hostiles even be concerned with a speaker? Furthermore, you said this is your universe, but what makes it distinct? It's 75 years from now, and there's presumably FTL or gravity-defying travel, but that's incredibly generic for any kind of science-fiction.

To me, it's kind of reading like you know what's happening, but you're skipping over necessary details like where things are, setting, etc. For instance, who pointed their guns at a giant starship? The fighter (jets)? In your universe do they fighter jets specifically point their guns as opposed to mostly just changing their angle of approach? There's no wrong answer to that, but it's unclear from a reader standpoint, and that's the main critique. Spellcheck and some kind of grammar software could fix prose to an extent, but it's entirely on you to make the narrative sensible.

If you're super passionate about this idea, my honest recommendation would be to read a couple books that emulate the genre you're aiming for. Writing can be fast-paced, but you're at full throttle. It's like listening to a television show instead of watching one; you need a lot more context to be explicitly stated. (Without exposition.)

All being said, don't give up! We call them rough drafts for a reason. If this is your intro, and it's important that your universe is specifically yours and not simply a cookie-cutter backdrop, then your most important task is making it clear why your universe is different than the ones we already know of. If there isn't a real reason, then it's perfectly fine for the only true difference to be that it's 75 years into the future, but you'll have a lot of question in the science-fiction community about how we got to the context of your story. For instance, if nuclear bunkers are everywhere, you don't have to linger on it, or even explain it, but it does beg a question and you'll at least want the reader to be able to rationalize it themselves if you don't.

Probably.

There are no rules, except to try your best. Good luck!

 

[A-Random-Writer]

To be honest, I'm unsure. This draft is extremely rough. Even ignoring the major grammatical issues, it's unclear what the actual plot is. Aliens attacking humans in the near future? If you pretend that you know nothing about your own story, and read this line-by-line and keep a separate notepad of what the reader would be thinking, is it aligning with your vision? A beam shoots a speaker? What speaker? Where is it? Why would a large starship target a random speaker? There isn't just one speaker warning all of humanity of an invasion, is there? How loud is that one speaker? Why would the hostiles even be concerned with a speaker? Furthermore, you said this is your universe, but what makes it distinct? It's 75 years from now, and there's presumably FTL or gravity-defying travel, but that's incredibly generic for any kind of science-fiction.

To me, it's kind of reading like you know what's happening, but you're skipping over necessary details like where things are, setting, etc. For instance, who pointed their guns at a giant starship? The fighter (jets)? In your universe do they fighter jets specifically point their guns as opposed to mostly just changing their angle of approach? There's no wrong answer to that, but it's unclear from a reader standpoint, and that's the main critique. Spellcheck and some kind of grammar software could fix prose to an extent, but it's entirely on you to make the narrative sensible.

If you're super passionate about this idea, my honest recommendation would be to read a couple books that emulate the genre you're aiming for. Writing can be fast-paced, but you're at full throttle. It's like listening to a television show instead of watching one; you need a lot more context to be explicitly stated. (Without exposition.)

All being said, don't give up! We call them rough drafts for a reason. If this is your intro, and it's important that your universe is specifically yours and not simply a cookie-cutter backdrop, then your most important task is making it clear why your universe is different than the ones we already know of. If there isn't a real reason, then it's perfectly fine for the only true difference to be that it's 75 years into the future, but you'll have a lot of question in the science-fiction community about how we got to the context of your story. For instance, if nuclear bunkers are everywhere, you don't have to linger on it, or even explain it, but it does beg a question and you'll at least want the reader to be able to rationalize it themselves if you don't.

Probably.

There are no rules, except to try your best. Good luck!

You're completely correct. Very very rough draft of what i had in mind and yeah i need to put more effort into worldbuilding ( I think that's the corect term) for it to make sense
I will make it its own story then post a link to it in my Bio thing