Would love if someone gave me a really honest review of my new story...

[Sabrina_Valentine]

So I'm only three postings in (chapter 1 is like 10K), and I am wondering if my story is moving too slowly. I'm the kind of author who likes the slow burn, building up to things and getting to know the characters and world first.

I've realized, browsing some other stories that this typically isn't the norm on here with people jumping right into the action at chapter 1, often at the expense of showing the readers who the MC is. I'm worried that because of my style, and the norm, that my story is suffering because of it.

My Life as an Ero-Magi Sucks! All Roads Lead to Perversion!!

Even after being a family for two years, step-siblings Izayoi and Akiza have the worst possible opinions of each other. The animosity has reached a breaking point and Akiza wants to move out. Time apart sounds ideal until they both start experiencing strange dreams. In these fantasies, they're...

www.scribblehub.com

Any help?

 

[Lloyd]

Sorry, but I don't read filth. You got 50 readers with only 3 chapters though so you doing fine.

 

[sanitylimited]

your story hasn't started. you are still in the introduction phase.

considering how taboo sex is supposed to be way too many conversations/thoughts focus on it. their is no struggle between morality and reality.

 

[Renezuo]

Sorry, but I don't read filth. You got 50 readers with only 3 chapters though so you doing fine.

This doesn't seem like particularly useful feedback in any sense. Maybe take it easy.

 

[WinterTimeCrime]

This doesn't seem like particularly useful feedback in any sense. Maybe take it easy.

New blood.

Also, different authors have different ways of writing stories. It may seem absurd, but it's true. While there may be a seemingly popular strategy or technique used, it's always best to show your genuine attitude to your work. Your readers will realize your efforts and do one of two things once they start reading: Give it a chance or disregard it.

I'm not really into westernized light novels, but from a reader's standpoint, your first chapter is good regarding pacing, sentence structure, and grammar. Interesting word choice sometimes, and the quips made by the MC make it seem like he's witnessing things, like seeing his mom wake him up for the very first time (He described his mother's physique as if he'd known her to be this way but then stated dad has great taste as if they just made acquaintance. Kind of confusing). But honestly, your general audience (both LN enjoyers and SH readers) won't care about inconsistencies like this, especially when it seems to play out like a comedy, and jokes like that are to build onto the character themselves.

It looks great. Just keep writing, and new readers will come. I hope this helped.

 

[Sabrina_Valentine]

your story hasn't started. you are still in the introduction phase.

considering how taboo sex is supposed to be way too many conversations/thoughts focus on it. their is no struggle between morality and reality.

Not sure I understand this part "their is no struggle between morality and reality".
Do you mean I can't just want to fit that into like the first chapter, which naturally I agree.
Or do you mean it's too early to really judge since the chapters have not progressed to a phase where those struggles are explored?

New blood.

View attachment 17604

Also, different authors have different ways of writing stories. It may seem absurd, but it's true. While there may be a seemingly popular strategy or technique used, it's always best to show your genuine attitude to your work. Your readers will realize your efforts and do one of two things once they start reading: Give it a chance or disregard it.

I'm not really into westernized light novels, but from a reader's standpoint, your first chapter is good regarding pacing, sentence structure, and grammar. Interesting word choice sometimes, and the quips made by the MC make it seem like he's witnessing things, like seeing his mom wake him up for the very first time (He described his mother's physique as if he'd known her to be this way but then stated dad has great taste as if they just made acquaintance. Kind of confusing). But honestly, your general audience (both LN enjoyers and SH readers) won't care about inconsistencies like this, especially when it seems to play out like a comedy, and jokes like that are to build onto the character themselves.

It looks great. Just keep writing, and new readers will come. I hope this helped.

Thank you.

I wanted to take this time to write this out as this I found to be an amazing response AND I appreciate it. The feedback, critique, all of it I register and take note of. I'm still fairly new at this (Scribblehub, not writing), so I'm not sure how 'success' and popularity is gauged on here.

When I browse and see like XXmillions of views, hundreds of thousands of favs etc, in like a year or 1.5, it can be a bit intimidating. Everyone wants to be successful, and everyone wants to give it their all.

Once again, thank you. Terrific response.

 

[sanitylimited]

what i mean, is that the setup of sex for pleasure being bad is irrelavent. everyone is completly open to lustful sex.

you set up a premise to make your book unique, and then ignored it

 

[Sabrina_Valentine]

what i mean, is that the setup of sex for pleasure being bad is irrelavent. everyone is completly open to lustful sex.

you set up a premise to make your book unique, and then ignored it

Ah, I see.

Ironically enough, (5) heavily deals with just that issue, since the male character as shown has one friend while his sister, has many.

As mentioned before, I like to build towards things. But I 100% get what you were saying and have accounted for it, even if I haven't explained it in the narrative. (The first entire volume has been completed and is available so if that was something that was concerning, you can put your mind at ease)

Also, thank you for checking it out and letting me know what you think.

 

[Dearest_Violet]

So I'm only three postings in (chapter 1 is like 10K), and I am wondering if my story is moving too slowly. I'm the kind of author who likes the slow burn, building up to things and getting to know the characters and world first.

I've realized, browsing some other stories that this typically isn't the norm on here with people jumping right into the action at chapter 1, often at the expense of showing the readers who the MC is. I'm worried that because of my style, and the norm, that my story is suffering because of it.

My Life as an Ero-Magi Sucks! All Roads Lead to Perversion!!

Even after being a family for two years, step-siblings Izayoi and Akiza have the worst possible opinions of each other. The animosity has reached a breaking point and Akiza wants to move out. Time apart sounds ideal until they both start experiencing strange dreams. In these fantasies, they're...

www.scribblehub.com

Any help?

Your cover is fantastic! The font is especially nice to look at it!

 

[Sabrina_Valentine]

Your cover is fantastic! The font is especially nice to look at it!

Thank you. I had it commissioned once I finished Volume 01. Didn't feel right not to give it a lot of TLC after writing on it for so long.