What one spell would you make if you're a wizard in a world with a soft magic system?

NotaNuffian

This does spark joy.
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Dude. I went with the 100' long tongue spell that can extend as a free action, MEANING, I Could lick people at the SPEED OF THOUGHT.
I prefer to give it to my toad familiar. Which I usually put on stilts to quatruple it's land speed. Then stack so many buffs on my toad it can "stroll" at approximately six times the speed of sound. (Although as a thought experiment, I once figured out all the buffs, everywhere in d20 3.0/3.5, and calculated how to get my toad familiar to sprint to Barnard's Star (about 50 light years away) in six seconds.

TL/DR: Don't try to out-weird me. I find stranger things in my breakfast cereal than most of the so-called "weirdos" of Scribble Hub,
Ok. So what made you typed out so many of the weird shit?

Also, I am very intrigued by Quintessence, especially as a preservative for dying creatures if fully immersed.

Ps. Is it truly forever until damaged or removed by owner?

This reminds me a lot of The Legendary Mechanic's Black Ooze. Does exactly the same thing as you state but with a lot of difference.
1. It cannot be damaged as all forms of attack just slide off it.
2. Can only work on incapacitated/ non-resisting target.
3. Can preserve the body but not the soul.
 
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Cipiteca396

Monarch of Despair 🐉🌺🪽🌊🪶🌑🐦‍🔥🌈
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I mean, one could assume all the classic spells already exist, if one wished to give a different response.
Assuming all the other spells exist already, there's nothing new for me to make. :sweating_profusely:

Cleaning cantrips, dressing cantrips, writing cantrips, music cantrips, memory cantrips, studying, healing, shields, teleportation, crafting, homunculi, cloning, house- it's all done already.

I guess a spell that helps me learn more spells faster...
The Inconveniencing Spell: Once per day you can cast this spell to make someone's entire day inconvenient. They wake up on the wrong side of the bed. They stub their toe when they get up. Then they step on legos left in their kid's room. They take a shower, but the water isn't the right temperature. They go outside after getting dressed and step in dog poop. The cycle continues for their whole day, and it works for any era.
Oh so that's why...
You gain the ability to stretch your tongue great distances and manipulate it as if it were a true limb.
:blob_shock: That's gross. Can't you just use your hair or a tail or something like a normal person?

Though I guess it's better than using sexual organs.
Femboy cockslut transformation!

Why? For the glory of Mara, of course.

View attachment 20900
Is the range target or self?
 

NotaNuffian

This does spark joy.
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Though I guess it's better than using sexual organs.
We have Love Sausage for that.

Also, cooked sausage.
The Inconveniencing Spell: Once per day you can cast this spell to make someone's entire day inconvenient. They wake up on the wrong side of the bed. They stub their toe when they get up. Then they step on legos left in their kid's room. They take a shower, but the water isn't the right temperature. They go outside after getting dressed and step in dog poop. The cycle continues for their whole day, and it works for any era.
So, Bad Luck but minor?
 

TheEldritchGod

A Cloud Of Pure Spite And Eyes
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Ok. So what made you typed out so many of the weird shit?
Because you use Transfer Pain, when you should use share pain with a construct tongue in your mouth. Then you take half the HP damage and your tongue takes the other half, but it'd be impossible to target the tongue directly. All your spell does is eliminate condition debuffs.

Also, I am very intrigued by Quintessence
Yeah. I love all the weird spells/powers. It's always neet when you take something nobody intended as useful and warp into insanity.

like
LOUD OF KNIVES

- PLAYER’S HANDBOOK 2 (3.5)

Conjuration

Level: Cleric 2, Sorcerer/Wizard 2

Components: V, S, M

Casting Time: 1 standard action

Range: Personal

Target: You

Duration: 1 round/level

You conjure a cloud of sharp knives around you. The knives float in the air around your upper body, pointing in the direction you look.

Each round as a free action at the beginning of your turn, you can release one of these knives at any target within 30 feet that you can see. This is a ranged attack that uses an attack bonus equal to your caster level + your key ability modifier. Each successful hit deals 1d6 points of damage +1 per three caster levels (maximum +5) and threatens a critical hit on a roll of 19–20. Damage reduction applies to knife attacks from this spell. The knives are treated as magic for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction.

Material Component: A knife.

Optional Material Component: Using a silvered dagger (22 gp) in the casting of this spell allows the knives to overcome damage reduction as if they were both magic and silver, but the knives deal 1 less point of damage.

Editor (Blaster): A very efficient spell in terms of dealing damage and, to some extent, preserving action economy. If you want a free attack every turn, then you can even persist this spell. Note that this spell gains significant benefit from abilities like Warmage Edge or metamagic feats that add rider effects like Fell Weaken or Fell Drain. And frankly, its a FUN spell. Anything that gives you a free attack is worth taking a look at. And remember, it’s a FREE action, so nothing says you can cast this spell, oh, a thousand times and have a thousand attacks. As a rule, I’d keep to my dex bonus, but that’s straight out of my ass. Anyways, take a look at the metamagic feats, especially Persistent Spell.

Editor (FAQ): Does firing into melee result in a -4 penalty? Yes. Does the spell componate fall under the 1gp limit of a spell componate pouch? Yes, a wooden butter knife would qualify, thus available in the spell componate pouch.

Metamagic

Empower: A +2 level adjustment for +50% damage. The problem is it’s damage over time, so the amount of damage is small. That said, if you have it in a rod, not a bad idea.

Energize: A +1 level adjustment to do +50% to undead but -50% to everyone else. If you know you are hunting undead this Metamagic feat rocks. Otherwise, meh.

Extend: If you are going to use this spell, extend becomes very important. In damage over time, the more time you got, the better. Then again, if combat doesn’t last that long, what a waste.

Fell Drain: A +2 level adjustment to drain 1 level for a few hours. A level drain as a free action. Now you’re cooking with gas! This is highly recommended.

Fell Weaken: A +1 level adjustment to lower strength by 4 for one minute, as a free action, but the strength penalty doesn’t stack. The low level adjustment is the only reason I’m keeping it on the table.

Maximize: A +3 level adjustment gives you maximum damage. With a low damage spell like this, not worth it. Move on.

Nonlethal Substitution: Hey, maybe you’re trying to be nice. You throw nerf daggers instead.

Persistent: A +6 level adjustment to have a free action attack available to you any time you want to use if for 24 hours. Add extended for 48 hours in a 9th level spot. Cast 4 8th level and 4 9th at 20th level, then the next day cast 4 8th and 4 9th but still have the 4 9th for the day before… next thing you know, you got 12 free action attacks a round. You are surrounded by a cloud of knives you can barely see through, but the mental image is there. You might want to use invisible spell, just so you don’t scare the crap out of everyone. Or maybe you don’t. What better way to let the world know you are having a bad day then to be surrounded by a cloud of knives as you sit down at the bar. Casually shoot things with knives whenever the desire pops into your head. Make knife art on the wall. Hold doors open for ladies by putting a knife in the dirt propping the door open. I assume the knives disappear a few rounds after being thrown, but maybe they don’t. Give out free knives to your friends. Use a knife that has your face on it so you can hand out your signature weapon to every child you meet like the Lone Ranger and his silver bullets. I know I trash this metamagic feat, but I think I finally found a spell I would match this feat with.

Repeat: A +3 level adjustment causes the spell to fire again the next round. Actually, not a bad choice. If you decided to layer a few dozen clouds, you’ll need to cast them as quick as possible. Using a 5th level spot speeds that up dramatically. And you can fire the daggers as you cast the spell that lets you fire more daggers.

Wounding: A +2 level adjustment and you get 1 point of damage a round until the target heals. Again, damage over time is usually a waste. But this spell is damage over time, so if you are going to go for DoT, go for DoT, you know?

Scrolls

Cloud of Knives [Arcane/Divine] (SL2/CL3): 150 gp

Damage: 1d6+1 = Avg 4.5 hp (33.33 gp/hp)

Duration: 3 rounds (11.11 gp/hp)

Cloud of Knives [Arcane/Divine] (SL2/CL6): 300 gp

Damage: 1d6+2 = Avg 5.5 hp (54.54 gp/hp)

Duration: 6 rounds (9.09 gp/hp)

Cloud of Knives [Arcane/Divine] (SL2/CL9): 450 gp

Damage: 1d6+3 = Avg 6.5 hp (69.23 gp/hp)

Duration: 9 rounds (7.69 gp/hp)

Cloud of Knives [Arcane/Divine] (SL2/CL12): 600 gp

Damage: 1d6+4 = Avg 7.5 hp (80.00 gp/hp)

Duration: 12 rounds (6.67 gp/hp)

Cloud of Knives [Arcane/Divine] (SL2/CL15): 750 gp

Damage: 1d6+5 = Avg 8.5 hp (88.24 gp/hp)

Duration: 15 rounds (5.88 gp/hp)

As you can see, cloud of knives gets increasingly expensive as you go up in level, but the potential damage climbs dramatically because of damage over time. Unlike other damage over time spells, this one is a free action, thus allowing you to do other things without it getting in the way. There isn’t a spellcaster who could not use a free extra attack.

Cloud of Knives Empower [Arcane/Divine] (SL4/CL9): 900 gp

Damage: 1d6+3 x 1.5 = Avg 9.5 (94.74 gp/hp)

Duration: 9 rounds (10.53 gp/hp)

Damage goes up a bit, and so goes cost. If you got the money to blow, great. If not, stick with multiple copies of a lower version.

Cloud of Knives Energize [Arcane/Divine] (SL3/CL6): 450 gp

Damage: 1d6+2 x 1.5 = Avg 8 (54.55 gp/hp)

Duration: 6 rounds (9.09 gp/hp)

A much more economical undead slayer. And you can buy two for the price of one empowered version. Keep in mind it’s limitations, but it can never hurt to have a spare follow up attack to finish off that one ghast who survived your fireball.

Cloud of Knives Extended [Arcane/Divine] (SL3/CL15): 1125 gp

Damage: 1d6+5 = Avg 8.5 (132.35 gp/hp)

Duration: 30 rounds (4.41 gp/hp)

So if you find yourself looking at a 30 round battle, this might be a good spell to have at the ready. If you aren’t going to be in the middle of pitched combat for a while, maybe a version that isn’t as lengthy is in order.

Cloud of Knives Fell Drain [Arcane/Divine] (SL4/CL9): 900 gp

Damage: 1d6+3+5 = Avg 11.5 (78.26 gp/hp)

Duration: 9 rounds (8.70 gp/hp)

Of course the point isn’t the damage, it’s the one negative level a round you are giving to some unlucky bastard, which includes -5 hit points. Hell, use it on a prisoner who’s resisting interrogation. Once he’s down to 1st level you can try talking to him again.

Cloud of Knives Persistent [Arcane/Divine] (SL8/CL15): 3000 gp

HP Damage: 1d6+5 = Avg 8.5 hp (352.94 gp/hp)

Duration: 14,400 rounds (00.02 gp/hp)

If you only shoot it once, very expensive. If you shoot it every round for an entire day, it’s 2 copper a hit point. Even if you only use it for 3 hours it’s 2 silver a hp. And lets not forget the ‘cool’ factor. A cloud of knives around your head pointing at whatever you look at. Now, if you like to look at boobs, that could get you in trouble. However, if you want to attract someone who’s into danger, your on the right track. Frankly, I love this version.

Cloud of Knives Repeat [Arcane/Divine] (SL5/CL9): 1125 gp

Damage: 1d6+3 x 2 = Avg 6.5 + 6.5 (86.54 gp/hp)

Duration: 9 rounds (9.61 gp/hp)

Cast the spell twice at 2nd level or use this and save an action. If you have a concept that involves shooting a hundred of these knives a round, then twin will help you set up your knife fog bank.

Cloud of Knives Wounding [Arcane/Divine] (SL4/CL9): 900 gp

Damage: 1d6+4 = Avg 7.5 (120.00 gp/hp)

Duration: 9 rounds (13.33 gp/hp)

If you are going to do DoT, do DoT. Remember that those wounds will add up. It’s 1 hp the first knife, then 2 hp, then 3, then 4…

Cloud of Knives Fell Drain/Empowered/Wounding/Extended [Arcane/Divine] (SL9/CL17): 3875 gp

Damage: 1d6+5 x 1.5 = Avg 12.75 (303.92 gp/hp)

Duration: 34 rounds (8.94 gp/hp)

On top of the base damage, your targets lose a level and start to bleed for one hp a round, as a free action. Very quickly your enemies will learn to stay 35 feet away from you.

TL/DR Cool spell. Surrounds you with a cloud of force knives where you can shoot ONE as a free action once a round.

I figure out how to use it at range, then chain it, then split it, so I hit one party member with the same spell 40 times. (I do so love abusing the War wizard Prestige class) It lasted for 9 rounds. Each spells is another cloud of knives.

Picture this guy who is just a pair of eyes in the middle of swarm of knives ten feet across, He can shoot 40 daggers every 6 seconds at anything he is looking at, and EVERY KNIFE TURNS TO FACE WHATEVER HE IS LOOKING AT for almost a minute.

Oh, and the halfling was dual wielding six handed scissor swords. How could he one-hand use a six-handed sword meant for marilith demons? Magic, mutherfucker.

or

RAY DEFLECTION

- SPELL COMPENDIUM (3.5)

Abjuration

Level: Bard 4, Sorcerer/Wizard 4

Components: V, S, F

Casting Time: 1 standard action

Range: Personal

Target: You

Duration: 1 minute/level

Saving Throw: None

Spell Resistance: No

As the spell is cast, a brief shimmering field appears around you. Small motes of silver float within the field.

For the duration of the spell, you are protected against ranged touch attacks, including ray spells and ray attacks made by creatures. Any ray attack directed at you is automatically reflected harmlessly away.

Focus: A glass prism.

Editor (Buff): Rays can be deadly. Keep'em away with RAY-B-GONE! I mean, crap. Immune to every reach spell. Immune to Disintergrate. Immune to archmage distance cheese. Immune to Ocular spell. Immune to orb of X. Con your DM into allowing it into a magic item, body slot bracers, on all the time for 2,000 x 4 x 7 = 56,000 gp. Hell, it’d be worth it at twice the price.

TL/DR: Every ray attack auto misses. Put this on your best friend the monk and have him take the alternate 2nd level ability to reflect ray attacks back at the attack, but only if he misses you. Then the ability to switch places with other party members with the Self Sacrifice maneuver. Become a living nightmare for beholders.

or....


TL/DR: Why Artificers are a nightmare. At 7th level you can, for the right XP price, craft a 9th-level spell into a scroll. And what better than a scroll that summons a swarm of POO MONSTERS! And if you are Lawful Good, they are Celestial Poo Monsters. Yes, the player crafted seven scrolls of these just so he could read them all before attacking the Church of Bane. He summoned them because he wanted The Banites see an army of Poo Monsters from the Seven Heavens appear to lay siege to the evil temple and listen to them cry out.

"HOLY SHIT!"

ps after leveling the place they fertilized the land so food crops grew.
 

NotaNuffian

This does spark joy.
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Because you use Transfer Pain, when you should use share pain with a construct tongue in your mouth. Then you take half the HP damage and your tongue takes the other half, but it'd be impossible to target the tongue directly. All your spell does is eliminate condition debuffs.
Well one, I am suffering a headache now and the peppermint tea is not helping, so I typed the third thing that came into my mind. First two ideas were to alleviate the pain.

Also, I did not follow-up with your line of thought/ post, therefore I did not click reply on your post and instead post as an individual post to the question. I am typing to the OP I guess, so I should have replied the OG post instead.

Cloud of knives... how many knives really? It feels broken.
 

NotaNuffian

This does spark joy.
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It must have been, because it's one of the weaker spells in 5e. Heavy nerf.
Duh, I imagine conjuring a "cloud" of knives.

Knives are dangerous. Sharp, pointy and dangerous.

What is the measurement of "cloud"?

Also, summoning magic is always BS to me, where did that thing come from? Narnia? At least fireball can go with the fire tetrahedral.
 

ThrillingHuman

always be casual, never be careless
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Also, summoning magic is always BS to me, where did that thing come from? Narnia? At least fireball can go with the fire tetrahedral.
The steel pipes from the summon steel pipe ritual I usually employ are generally produced in a factory in some corner of Hell where they send sweatshop managers
 

APieceOfRock

Yuri Lover, endeed!
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We witches actually have a game called mage cup where we limit ourself to one kind of curse or ritual we can employ and then we have a battle royale.
My favourite choice is summon steel pipe.
Methinks metal pipes are the best instrument
I summon cats inside them and make them exit out of their mouths, i would call it "Return to cat"
you;re torturing the cast. Stop
A spell to gaslight someone. With enough imagination, I can manipulate people however I want.
"Remember two weeks ago when you borrowed money from me? Yeah, I want it back now."
can't believe I got to use this pic again so soon
:blob_upset:
Color to Hug”
Upon seeing a particularly beautiful shade of color, be it literal or metaphorical color of the world, this puppet plucks the color which shall join the rest of the colors which caught her button eyes. All can be found in her eternal embrace.
Idk how it would be useful but cool spell
Shapechange. The OP version.

I feel sad because I always give the same answer to all these hypothetical questions...
"It's over, villain. I AM THE OBAMA PRISM NOW!"
Sexual organ alteration

Possible effected areas: butt, breasts, penis, vagina, ovaries, testicles.

Effects: allows the caster to alter any target creature's effected area's in terms of physical ratios, traits, and placement. Cannot remove effected area's from the creature's body or destroy them without giving a form of payment of sacrifice. Swapping an effected area with another creature is possible.

Warnings: Not legal in 32 countries (we know you don't care which ones so why even say which ones). Ineffective against non-sentient creatures. This spell will not explode an enemies genitalia, that is the "Penis Blast" spell located on page 34, and no, it is not what you think.
"It's over, Johnny. You're now trans in one of the 32 countries!"
The Inconveniencing Spell: Once per day you can cast this spell to make someone's entire day inconvenient. They wake up on the wrong side of the bed. They stub their toe when they get up. Then they step on legos left in their kid's room. They take a shower, but the water isn't the right temperature. They go outside after getting dressed and step in dog poop. The cycle continues for their whole day, and it works for any era.
*Gets hexed in the 1300s*
"Aye, dat lassie doin' math!"
In all seriousness

Physical enhancement alteration

Effected areas: the whole body

Effects: allows the caster to turn all pain I receive for an amount of time into natural physical strength. Strength will be equal to pain received in muscle and mental strength. Physical growth will be retained as naturally built muscle but can exceed natural human limits under the right conditions.

Warnings: Caster may suffer as a result of too much muscle growth, such as not be able to reach certain parts of their backs, walk through doorways straight on, and resist posing in front of mirrors.
The most non-mage spell anyone can think of (Anti-magic is still magecraft :(
Spell: return to monkey table.

Turns anyone into a pretty wooden table, the design depends on the creature the spell was cast upon.
Lemme pull out the Book of Weird Places to Have Sex On.
Heal anything.
Simple, effective, can make a fortune.
You can probably stop any villain by healing their trauma. Does not work if they wanna burn the world the moment they were born.
emboy cockslut transformation!

Why? For the glory of Mara, of course.
And its evolution: futa cockslut transformation!
Pain Transfer: Transfer own pain to others within a 500,000 km radius. Warning: It does not help with healing.
"Hey fuckers! Guess who stubbed her toes this morning!"
Curse magic, long lasting, super customizable, and very powerful what’s not to love?
:blob_drool:
ude. I went with the 100' long tongue spell that can extend as a free action, MEANING, I Could lick people at the SPEED OF THOUGHT.
I prefer to give it to my toad familiar. Which I usually put on stilts to quatruple it's land speed. Then stack so many buffs on my toad it can "stroll" at approximately six times the speed of sound. (Although as a thought experiment, I once figured out all the buffs, everywhere in d20 3.0/3.5, and calculated how to get my toad familiar to sprint to Barnard's Star (about 50 light years away) in six seconds.

Oh, and the advantage of Glorytongue is that it is a CONSTRUCT, so my tongue basicaly becomes an animated robot in my mouth, and can take actions on it's own. So while you would use Pain Transfer, I used Share Pain with my own tongue, so when I take damage, my tongue takes half the hitpoints. YES, occationally that means if I take enough damage, my tongue will disintegrate/explode, but you can just re-manifest the power for one power point and it grows back.
Uh— You'd better make a service for lonely gals. I'm sure money will come raining in.
 

MintiLime

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Sensation Transfer. Move a sensation to a different part of your body. For example, pain in the leg could be moved to the tongue. Larger areas can diffuse sensations over larger areas, but smaller body portion concentrates these sensations. Each portion of the body has a maximum amount of sensation they can hold.
 

rain-090

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We witches actually have a game called mage cup where we limit ourself to one kind of curse or ritual we can employ and then we have a battle royale.
My favourite choice is summon steel pipe.
You mean steel crowbar?
 

Rhaps

Evil to the very Core
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Spell: Left Testicle Twister (specifically the left one) (Its just Mage Hand)

I don't need to explain anything
 

APieceOfRock

Yuri Lover, endeed!
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Sensation Transfer. Move a sensation to a different part of your body. For example, pain in the leg could be moved to the tongue. Larger areas can diffuse sensations over larger areas, but smaller body portion concentrates these sensations. Each portion of the body has a maximum amount of sensation they can hold.
I guess that weird part where you don't feel anything on your elbow is going to finally be useful.
 

ChocolateLover030

Devourer of the Cocoa
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I would make an useless but mildly inconveinent spell or curse that will make the target stub their toes whenever they are walking pass a table or something.
 

BearlyAlive

I'm not savage, you're just average
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Probability manipulation. I'm already halfway there, now I just need to master the "good luck" half of it.
 
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