Ten chapters uploaded: Looking for some feedback

[FrenzyWanderer]

Hi everyone!
Looking for some feedback, as in latter chapters I've changed the writing style a bit and need to know whether it's improving or making the story bad or nothing at all, Also whether the story premise working

I refuse to level up! (Don’t ask about my sister’s opinion on this)

What would any normal person do after they isekai'ed to another world? Well that shouldn't even be a question. Grind up levels, become strong and conquer the world with overpowered cheat abilities. But Ren isn't that kind of 'Normal' What if he conquers the world without levelling up? without...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[FRWriter]

Hi everyone!
Looking for some feedback, as in latter chapters I've changed the writing style a bit and need to know whether it's improving or making the story bad or nothing at all, Also whether the story premise working

I refuse to level up! (Don’t ask about my sister’s opinion on this)

What would any normal person do after they isekai'ed to another world? Well that shouldn't even be a question. Grind up levels, become strong and conquer the world with overpowered cheat abilities. But Ren isn't that kind of 'Normal' What if he conquers the world without levelling up? without...

www.scribblehub.com

Uffffffffff

The first chapters are like using 5 different AI's to prompt each other.

Muscled and suffered my way through, and the later chapters are better... they just read like the average clanker, so there is definitely some improvement.

Not paying the 3,50 for the 11th 1.3k word chapter, though.

You should definitely also use the AI to correct your forum posts and Patreon promotions because it looks silly when you add like 3-4 mistakes in 1 sentence when your chapter is at least grammatically flawless. When selling something, you can't let your mistakes stand out more than what you're offering to sell.

As for the plot:

The memes and Batman jokes fall flat. At least to me. I cringed hard, and that cringe turned to fear... then anger, finally hate, and now all I feel is pure suffering.
As for the plot, the schtick with the "cute sister" works for a chapter or two, or maybe even three, but afterwards, everything remaining is annoyance.

Apart from that, there is a plot, but I don't think anything even remotely surprised me or stood out.

The LITRPG system is... not the worst, you at least didn't exaggerate stats and turn it into total crap.

You probably nailed the balance, which I think is the strongest aspect of this story.

Overall, I think even with your improvement by changing your AI style didn't do nearly as much as you might imagine.

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

Looks like I'm using AI too much then.... The problem Is I used to upload my chapters into AI and asking it to line edit... And use it's sugesstions. I kind get it now. What it gives looks good, but they don't kinda match the tone and vibes of what I'm describing.

Is that what making the prose Clunkier?

Chapter 01 and 02 I think is a disarster, But the problem is I don't have enough time to rewrite them now, I'll do it later.

Back to using grammarly only from next chapters.

Story is basically a parody though, not a serious one

The memes and Batman jokes fall flat. At least to me. I cringed hard, and that cringe turned to fear... then anger, finally hate, and now all I feel is pure suffering.
As for the plot, the schtick with the "cute sister" works for a chapter or two, or maybe even three, but afterwards, everything remaining is annoyance.

I assumed "MC levelling up cute sister" works as a joke. But only chapters 4,5,6 rely on cute sister archetype. Other chapters I think it's just a recurrring thing, I think "Ren Refusing to level up" is the joke there.

Thank you for the critique!

I asked for reviews in Royal road, Everyone gave a good review. No one highlighted this. somehow got a very high rating there!

Thank you for pointing out the clunkyness!
Have a nice day!

 

[FRWriter]

Looks like I'm using AI too much then.... The problem Is I used to upload my chapters into AI and asking it to line edit... And use it's sugesstions. I kind get it now. What it gives looks good, but they don't kinda match the tone and vibes of what I'm describing.

Is that what making the prose Clunkier?

Chapter 01 and 02 I think is a disarster, But the problem is I don't have enough time to rewrite them now, I'll do it later.

Back to using grammarly only from next chapters.

Story is basically a parody though, not a serious one



I assumed "MC levelling up cute sister" works as a joke. But only chapters 4,5,6 rely on cute sister archetype. Other chapters I think it's just a recurrring thing, I think "Ren Refusing to level up" is the joke there.

Thank you for the critique!

I asked for reviews in Royal road, Everyone gave a good review. No one highlighted this. somehow got a very high rating there!

Thank you for pointing out the clunkyness!
Have a nice day!

You only get 5 stars on Royal Road because they expect you to review their stories in return, and also expect 5 stars. These review swaps are absolutely fake and laughable. Don't trust them.

The only true reviews are organic reviews that appear just like that, without prompting.

I am saying your plot and story are fine, so don't misunderstand, they work.

I am just saying that it's hard to enjoy with the AI style, but as I also said. It gets better in the last chapters, so there is hope. If you can tone it down even more, it might be totally fine.

My review was honest but also harsh, since you are selling your story, which implies to me that you are on a level where you think your story is locked in and no longer at the early stage. I think if you're ready to sell it, you should really put in a lot of effort and deliver a really good experience.

 

[FrenzyWanderer]

On hindsight, I decided to complete the story like this (Story is short anyways), use these 2 platforms to get feedback, improve the story, then upload in KDP after rewriting all initial chapters, while continuing writing later chapters tonning down even more.

Thank you!

Really appreciate it.

Still getting used to English as well, Improving language comprehension alongside