[OPEN 2/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3

[Rosica]

You have three people (assuming @Macha @minacia and @minacia aren't clones) doing a lot of work on your opening chapters.

I called Yuzu twice and forget about the magic 8-ball. Sorry @Mellohwa

thats about it. not enough info to make any judgement. 2nd part of 2nd chapter felt off though. didnt fully understand whats happening and the pace was too fact, different from the rest, rushed.

The novel is less than 10,000 words. I'm surprised you still give it feedback.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

It's refreshing to hear something harsh once in a while. The other people I asked about it only have good things to say about it.

Ah, you haven't been to my thread yet.

@greyblob Spot for me plz?

 

[Erysion]

Ah, you haven't been to my thread yet.

Our thread. We are the same person.

 

[greyblob]

I called Yuzu twice and forget about the magic 8-ball. Sorry @Mellohwa


The novel is less than 10,000 words. I'm surprised you still give it feedback.

not much of a feedback but im known to be generous (humble)

Ah, you haven't been to my thread yet.

@greyblob Spot for me plz?

is the link with us in the room?

 

[Castoroftheink]

Yes please!

Gaia Gone: Dirty World

In this day and age, a guy's dna was either a lottery ticket or a slow death sentence. Some people get the jackpot- Super strength. Telekinesis. Laser eyes. The rest of them? They get drugs that barely work to keep 'em human. Jack was 'barely human' until a freak accident...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rosica]

not much of a feedback but im known to be generous (humble)

Good goy greyblob.

 

[AliceMoonvale]

not much of a feedback but im known to be generous (humble)

is the link with us in the room?

This Is How I Lived [A Post-Apocalyptic Diary]

I found this thing while rummaging through a house. Think I'll write in it for myself, I need... something. Ever since all this crazy shit started, all the tech just… had a massive aneurysm. Phones won’t turn on, computers are dead, and the internet is gone, which I didn’...

www.scribblehub.com

edit: Posted too quickly, sudden irl issue. Apologies~

 

[Louhi]

forgot to mention that i liked the intro. the character unlocking her memories from the cinema to the accident. great overall. main thing that kept me reading honestly

Glad you like it. Macha is the one who stirred me to that direction. The original is very exposition heavy.

You can choose to stop reading after three chapters, which is the first 10K words. But you keep going three times over. I appreciate that.

 

[Erysion]

Glad you like it. Macha is the one who stirred me to that direction. The original is very exposition heavy.

You can choose to stop reading after three chapters, which is the first 10K words. But you keep going three times over. I appreciate that.

Your chapters length are too long. 40 chapters in my novel is 10 chapters in yours.

If you split your chapters into multiple shorter one, you can have 4x more views and readers. I don't think you care about statistics, though. Why else don't you promote your story? No wonder Tabula say it's underexposed in his review.

 

[Rosica]

Your chapters length are too long. 40 chapters in my novel is 10 chapters in yours.

If you split your chapters into multiple shorter one, you can have 4x more views and readers.

Take notes, everyone.

800-1500 words are the ideal chapter length for optimal visibility and exposure.

The more chapters you publish, the more often you appear on the latest updates.

 

[Leti]

Your chapters length are too long. 40 chapters in my novel is 10 chapters in yours.

If you split your chapters into multiple shorter one, you can have 4x more views and readers. I don't think you care about statistics, though. Why else don't you promote your story? No wonder Tabula say it's underexposed in his review.

Take notes, everyone.

800-1500 words are the ideal chapter length for optimal visibility and exposure.

The more chapters you publish, the more often you appear on the latest updates.

Why don't you two Ashkenazis open your own feedback threads? This one is greyblob's but you two keep giving feedbacks like you own the place.

 

[Erysion]

Why don't you two Ashkenazis open your own feedback threads? This one is greyblob's but you two keep giving feedbacks like you own the place.

Silence, Sephardi.
Zooltrak!

 

[Rosica]

Why don't you two Ashkenazis open your own feedback threads? This one is greyblob's but you two keep giving feedbacks like you own the place.

Silence, Sephardi.
Zooltrak!

>Be Erys
>Live in Spain
>Is 7/20 Ashkenaz

>Be Leti
>Live in Poland
>Is a Sephardi

I sense a disturbance in the force.

Worry not, I will stop commenting on the thread. Can't have us do all greyblob's works.

 

[Erysion]

>Be Erys
>Live in Spain
>Is 7/20 Ashkenaz

I live in Spain, but the S is silent.

@greyblob do your thing peacefully now. I will just watch.

 

[OokamiOkuri]

This is the meta these days. A lot of popular webnovel MC as of now is a complete dickhead. The design is very Qidian.

If you are writing Xianxia/Xuanhuan but the MC is a doormat and not a psychotic sociopath, then you are doing it wrong.

 

[greyblob]

Why don't you two Ashkenazis open your own feedback threads? This one is greyblob's but you two keep giving feedbacks like you own the place.

its alright i treat all of the clones as a single hivemind. as far as im concerned, they asked for the review together

 

[Rosica]

its alright i treat all of the clones as a single hivemind. as far as im concerned, they asked for the review together

I want to open mine, but plenty of people who want feedback keep creating their own threads and ignores threads created for the purpose of giving feedback. This one actually have some engagements.

Is it fine if I stay here? You can keep giving your feedback, and I will tell people what you missed or how to execute your advice.

 

[greyblob]

I want to open mine, but plenty of people who want feedback keep creating their own threads and ignores threads created for the purpose of giving feedback. This one actually have some engagements.

Is it fine if I stay here? You can keep giving your feedback, and I will tell people what you missed or how to execute your advice.

you can do whatever you'd like i dont mind

Hope you don't mind if i take one of the open slot

Building World Peace with My Bloodthirsty Demon Army

Welcome to planet Talvaris, your generic isekai world filled with magic, dragons, and voluptuous female elves who look like they escaped from an illustrators search history. Everything here is as beautiful as the goddess Celes envision it, if you just ignore the slavery and racism on the corner...

www.scribblehub.com

read up to: Chapter 6: Roll and Action! (Part 2)

I like the premise. i like the antihero trope a lot so i was excited to see this would go then i was disappointed when 180 years were skipped. wanted to read the zero to hero experience but it is what it is.

the story is isekai slop. It's pretty funny at times I'll admit. It started out pretty strong too with decent quality and story telling but then quickly decended into chaos. everything is all over the place. we're jumping from one scene to another, from one country to another, one group of characters to another, etc. it's still coherent but it's too fast paced and too random for me.

another thing is the scenes are too shallow. they leave nothing for the imagination. i know this is supposed to be slop but it's necessary to have some type of intrigue/foreshadowing where I can guess what the next scene is about but I do not know for sure. circles back to the chaos part i guess.

my final note is that i do not enjoy blatant propaganda a lot. I can appreciate implicit propaganda a bit but when the xianxia protag establishes his 'chyna' sect and kowtows to the sect leader, i can't really put up with that. there's also a lot of references i dont get because im not from the US so im not the taget audience for this. this is the main reason why i couldnt read more

 

[Rosica]

Reserved as greyblob requested.

 

[greyblob]

@Bimbanana review is up but got merged