[OPEN 2/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3 (read the rules)

[greyblob]

Generic~! Anyway, the exposition and the transition to POVs is a stylistic mannerism that I will not get rid of. I am aware that the show do not tell faction is strong here, and in English in particular, but that is a different discourse. Not that you would not know.

I never thought, though, that it would feel cringe ... and that the villains are cartoonish ... Interesting information. Also, bandits?

That being said, for your effort.

generic was the wrong choice of words. I'd say cliche is more accurate

Its not about show vs tell its about the story being relayed through the character's eyes. I find that to be more enjoyable but its subjective.

bandits or knights or ara something kindom. they jumped a carriage. tomato tomato

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

generic was the wrong choice of words. I'd say cliche is more accurate

Its not about show vs tell its about the story being relayed through the character's eyes. I find that to be more enjoyable but its subjective.

bandits or knights or ara something kindom. they jumped a carriage. tomato tomato

 

[greyblob]

week has been really busy.

Hey, since I did not mention the link last time. Here it is, B*stard of Abaddon. I have to warn you, there are a few sensitive themes.

read up to: Chapter 5 – Whispers of the night

there's a massive drop in quality in this chapter compared to previous ones. not sure why. ive read c4 days ago but im pretty sure im right.

quality drop in everything, writing quality, dialogue, flow, structure. It's why i stopped mainly. I'll continue my review as if i only read till c4.

quality was alright. check previous reviews for mentions of guides for floating dialogues and how to structure sentences with dialogues. I'll reference them in the original post for the future too. I dont have much negative to say. the writing is just premature. needs polish and that comes with time and experience. the principles are there.

dialogue needs some work. characters have no distinct voice. quirks, speech patterns, body language, all of these shape characters and make it distinct. I'd have liked to see more subtle mentions especially since this is a 'demon' world of sorts.

you need stronger vocab at times. seeing "Mistake.." whispered by ghosts and 'haunting' the mc is really comical and pulls out from the scene. mistake is when you drop some water on the floor accidentaly. It has no gravity. No oomph. its like hearing ghosts whispering 'cheesecake'. a bit nit picky but it's a major plot tool and it's really silly. circles back to polish and experience.


thats mainly it. I haven't read enough to comment further on the plot and i am not going to torture myself with unedited chapters.

 

[c37]

week has been really busy.


read up to: Chapter 5 – Whispers of the night

there's a massive drop in quality in this chapter compared to previous ones. not sure why. ive read c4 days ago but im pretty sure im right.

quality drop in everything, writing quality, dialogue, flow, structure. It's why i stopped mainly. I'll continue my review as if i only read till c4.

quality was alright. check previous reviews for mentions of guides for floating dialogues and how to structure sentences with dialogues. I'll reference them in the original post for the future too. I dont have much negative to say. the writing is just premature. needs polish and that comes with time and experience. the principles are there.

dialogue needs some work. characters have no distinct voice. quirks, speech patterns, body language, all of these shape characters and make it distinct. I'd have liked to see more subtle mentions especially since this is a 'demon' world of sorts.

you need stronger vocab at times. seeing "Mistake.." whispered by ghosts and 'haunting' the mc is really comical and pulls out from the scene. mistake is when you drop some water on the floor accidentaly. It has no gravity. No oomph. its like hearing ghosts whispering 'cheesecake'. a bit nit picky but it's a major plot tool and it's really silly. circles back to polish and experience.


thats mainly it. I haven't read enough to comment further on the plot and i am not going to torture myself with unedited chapters.

Okay, I did not edit chapter 5. That is why there is a drop in quality. If I edit it and mention, will u continue? I need to know if the plot holds or not.

 

[greyblob]

Okay, I did not edit chapter 5. That is why there is a drop in quality. If I edit it and mention, will u continue? I need to know if the plot holds or not.

probably not. I'm taking a break after these novels too

 

[greyblob]

This is mine

The Elusive Sorcerer

After spending several years in prison, Liam Tirarty realised that he had been transported into the body of a young man named Zavi Actitus, with no memory of his past before he awoke in a world on the brink of crisis, a world shrouded in suffocating supernatural forces and unsolved...

www.scribblehub.com

read up to: Little Sister

this is an unedited draft. missing punctuation, unformatted, repeatition. bad structure. telling not showing. thought bubbles explaining what literally just happened.

Is this a thing now? submitting drafts for reviews? whats the point

 

[greyblob]

My turn next?Boooook!!!
Gosh! I don't know how to link the book like other people are doing...

did you start using ai in c7/8 or did you stop editing the output?

 

[greyblob]

My turn next?Boooook!!!
Gosh! I don't know how to link the book like other people are doing...

read up to: 007) The Fool and the Mad Prophet

xianxia slop. reads like an mtl. I don't think youd be interested about what I have to say about writing quality so I'll skip this.

the characters are bland and indistinguishable. they have no unique voice of their own. the best chapter imo is thr first one. But it's fumbled hard. I though the bride was the MC from how focused the narrative wad on her. there's no hook.

the biggest red flag i saw was the word 'books'. books? In medieval china? In a rural fish village? they'd have to sell all the village's children for a scroll back then. books takes me out completely.

c8 is 100% AI written. I didnt continie further. whats the point honestly? I cant give feedback on something you did not write. i guess thats on me. I shouldve been more clear in my rules

 

[OokamiOkuri]

read up to: 007) The Fool and the Mad Prophet

xianxia slop. reads like an mtl. I don't think youd be interested about what I have to say about writing quality so I'll skip this.

the characters are bland and indistinguishable. they have no unique voice of their own. the best chapter imo is thr first one. But it's fumbled hard. I though the bride was the MC from how focused the narrative wad on her. there's no hook.

I told you so. Most xianxia reads like this. Writing quality should be the last thing you expect from them.

the biggest red flag i saw was the word 'books'. books? In medieval china? In a rural fish village? they'd have to sell all the village's children for a scroll back then. books takes me out completely.

This is very unrealistic indeed. Books in medieval China are burned and the scholars buried.

 

[greyblob]

I told you so. Most xianxia reads like this. Writing quality should be the last thing you expect from them.


This is very unrealistic indeed. Books in medieval China are burned and the scholars buried.

books in medieval china do not exist. paper is a modern invention. depends on the era its scrolls, parchement, or some shit. its a small detail but it makes a massive difference imo. it's a quality indicator imo

 

[OokamiOkuri]

books in medieval china do not exist. paper is a modern invention. depends on the era its scrolls, parchement, or some shit. its a small detail but it makes a massive difference imo. it's a quality indicator imo

True. They aren't really books. Just texts. But the events are now known as Burning of Books and Burying of Scholars.

Burning of books and burying of scholars - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

books in medieval china do not exist. paper is a modern invention. depends on the era its scrolls, parchement, or some shit. its a small detail but it makes a massive difference imo. it's a quality indicator imo

Are books not just the form?I think they are a Roman invention due to scrolls being a hassle.

 

[greyblob]

Are books not just the form?I think they are a Roman invention due to scrolls being a hassle.

books is a modern invention that could only be possible after the industrial revolution. how would you mass produce paper and printing.

the concept of writing on random shit is an ancient as humanity. egyptians wrote on papyrus parchements. It's that 'books' specifically refers to the mass produced spine-binded paper with ink printed onto the pages. romans had scrolls/parchements. thats why it was carefully guarded and very valuable. I'm not trying to hyperfixate on this but it's a major tell of how much the author researched and how much effort was put into the world. at the very least, they researched the era they are depicting and try to remain faithful to it.

this also bleeds into vocab that's faithful to the era. you would not see a roman, or midieval chinaman refer to parchement as books. thats a modern word. these are the small details that flesh out a story imo. it's the soul

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

books is a modern invention that could only be possible after the industrial revolution. how would you mass produce paper and printing.

the concept of writing on random shit is an ancient as humanity. egyptians wrote on papyrus parchements. It's that 'books' specifically refers to the mass produced spine-binded paper with ink printed onto the pages. romans had scrolls/parchements. thats why it was carefully guarded and very valuable. I'm not trying to hyperfixate on this but it's a major tell of how much the author researched and how much effort was put into the world. at the very least, they researched the era they are depicting and try to remain faithful to it.

this also bleeds into vocab that's faithful to the era. you would not see a roman, or midieval chinaman refer to parchement as books. thats a modern word. these are the small details that flesh out a story imo. it's the soul

You underestimate European productivity in this regard. The printing press really made literary material common in a widespread way even before the industrial revolution, which was one of the contributors to the explosion of education, which translated into the later scientific lead. We also had the first WEEKLY newspapers towards the end of the 16th century.

 

[greyblob]

You underestimate European productivity in this regard. The printing press really made literary material common in a widespread way even before the industrial revolution, which was one of the contributors to the explosion of education, which translated into the later scientific lead. We also had the first WEEKLY newspapers towards the end of the 16th century.

i didnt know that

but this doesnt have much to do with rome or medieval china. same point stands for me

 

[Rezcore]

Anti merge reply @greyblob

 

[greyblob]

Anti merge reply @greyblob

ty

I would like a review.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/211234/the-impossible-fate-that-leads-to-a-god-of-a-new-world/

is this ai generated?

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

ty

is this ai generated?

100%

 

[LuciferVermillion]

ty

is this ai generated?

Hmm, as if AI could write.

 

[greyblob]

Hmm, as if AI could write.

im gonna skip this one boss. I can't review something i believe to be ai gen. my apolohies