[OPEN 2/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3

c37 · 2026-04-20T05:53:59+0100

Hey, since I did not mention the link last time. Here it is, B*stard of Abaddon. I have to warn you, there are a few sensitive themes.

greyblob · 2026-04-20T05:55:02+0100

c37 said:
Hey, since I did not mention the link last time. Here it is, B*stard of Abaddon. I have to warn you, there are a few sensitive themes.

youre too young to warn me about sensetive themes

c37 · 2026-04-20T06:17:54+0100

greyblob said:
youre too young to warn me about sensetive themes

How old are you?

RebelLion · 2026-04-20T06:40:24+0100

c37 said:
How old are you?

Old enough to be friends with @Assurbanipal_II the third king of the Neo-Assyrian Empire from 883 to 859 BC.

Assurbanipal_II · 2026-04-20T06:45:37+0100

RebelLion said:
Old enough to be friends with @Assurbanipal_II the third king of the Neo-Assyrian Empire from 883 to 859 BC.

Fwiends~?

c37 · 2026-04-20T07:10:36+0100

RebelLion said:
Old enough to be friends with @Assurbanipal_II the third king of the Neo-Assyrian Empire from 883 to 859 BC.

I don't want to say it, Ain't no party like-

Cookiez_N_Potionz · 2026-04-20T07:26:07+0100

Hacking The System: KINGDOM OF STONE [LitRPG]

'Freedom. Peace. Hope.' It's 1979 and society has advanced thanks to the urban dungeons that sprouted throughout the world. Inside these mazes are magical artifacts and treasures guarded by mythical monsters. To collect these spoils of war Guilds were established by the Government. 23...

www.scribblehub.com

Eldoria · 2026-04-20T07:52:12+0100

Cookiez_N_Potionz said:
Hacking The System: KINGDOM OF STONE [LitRPG]

'Freedom. Peace. Hope.' It's 1979 and society has advanced thanks to the urban dungeons that sprouted throughout the world. Inside these mazes are magical artifacts and treasures guarded by mythical monsters. To collect these spoils of war Guilds were established by the Government. 23...

www.scribblehub.com

Sis... you've already been reviewed by OP. Did you forget?

Assurbanipal_II · 2026-04-20T08:20:26+0100

greyblob said:
read up to: Arc II Chapter 7

writing quality is decent and it's easy to read which is probably the biggest note i have on this. characters are distinct. at least the mc. I didn't read enough to form an opinion on the party.

info dumping was heavy in act one. skimmed most of it. really big turn off for chapter 1.

i dislike how you handled pov changes also. i find it lazy. exposition in the bandit's pov explaining their motiviation, thoughts, etc feels very lazy and boring to me. this introduces my next point

your descriptions are good but yoi have a habit of showing which is good but it can be better. showing with actions. I'm sure there's a term for it.

instead of describing the surroundings, have the character interact with the environment and describe it through them. makes the experience much more tolerable and more interesting to see through.

other than that i dont really have much to comment on. villians are cartoony. their dialogue was boring. very shounen

i dont like the mc. the change in behaviour in this act made me stop because i was cringng too much. mc is 14 but acts like she's 5 and everyone is okay with it. I didnt want to torture myself with that. I doubt im the target audience for this.

overall pretty decent. kinda generic but thats not necessarily a bad thing

Generic~!

Anyway, the exposition and the transition to POVs is a stylistic mannerism that I will not get rid of. I am aware that the show do not tell faction is strong here, and in English in particular, but that is a different discourse. Not that you would not know.

I never thought, though, that it would feel cringe ... and that the villains are cartoonish ... Interesting information. Also, bandits?

That being said,

for your effort.

Cookiez_N_Potionz · 2026-04-20T14:43:03+0100

Eldoria said:
Sis... you've already been reviewed by OP. Did you forget?

No? Does OP not accept multiple Webnovels? If so, I guess I missed that info and I apologize.

Ngl, Eldoria. Your everywhere, lol

greyblob · 2026-04-20T15:07:55+0100

Cookiez_N_Potionz said:
Hacking The System: KINGDOM OF STONE [LitRPG]

'Freedom. Peace. Hope.' It's 1979 and society has advanced thanks to the urban dungeons that sprouted throughout the world. Inside these mazes are magical artifacts and treasures guarded by mythical monsters. To collect these spoils of war Guilds were established by the Government. 23...

www.scribblehub.com

I gave feedback on this in your thread no?

Amedette · 2026-04-20T17:40:28+0100

Can I come along?

FrenzyWanderer · 2026-04-20T18:41:36+0100

I refuse to level up! (Don’t ask about my sister’s opinion on this)

What would any normal person do after they isekai'ed to another world? Well that shouldn't even be a question. Grind up levels, become strong and conquer the world with overpowered cheat abilities. But Ren isn't that kind of 'Normal' What if he conquers the world without levelling up? without...

www.scribblehub.com

Mine too please

Also I still couldn't find the way to edit individual chapters, I desperately need to edit ch01 and ch02, there are few puntual mistakes there.

5 chapters up!

greyblob · 2026-04-20T18:42:32+0100

FrenzyWanderer said:
I refuse to level up! (Don’t ask about my sister’s opinion on this)

What would any normal person do after they isekai'ed to another world? Well that shouldn't even be a question. Grind up levels, become strong and conquer the world with overpowered cheat abilities. But Ren isn't that kind of 'Normal' What if he conquers the world without levelling up? without...

www.scribblehub.com

Mine too please

Also I still couldn't find the way to edit individual chapters, I desperately need to edit ch01 and ch02, there are few puntual mistakes there.

5 chapters up!

does this have at least 10k words? im going to stress this now for these last 3

RepresentingEnvy · 2026-04-20T18:43:55+0100

greyblob said:
does this have at least 10k words? im going to stress this now for these last 3

It doesn't even have 5k words, blubby

FrenzyWanderer · 2026-04-20T18:44:24+0100

greyblob said:
does this have at least 10k words? im going to stress this now for these last 3

Sorry... only 4,300 words

FrenzyWanderer said:
Sorry... only 4,300 words

Sorry I'll post next week after writing 10k words

greyblob · 2026-04-20T18:56:13+0100

FrenzyWanderer said:
Sorry... only 4,300 words

Sorry I'll post next week after writing 10k words

its impossible to give feedback on such a short length of work. this would just be an editing session which is not the purpose of this thread. I skimmed through the first two chapters. this is really similar to ThirstyWater's novel. check the feedback i gave him. I think it'll benefit you. check the subsequent replies too. your LN syndrome case is much more severe

[OPEN 1/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3

Because K5 is the one giving it. If it's AliceShiki, you will never sleep at night again. I see u/AliceShiki123 everyday in r/gachagaming and r/umamusume :sweating_profusely:

forum.scribblehub.com

Amedette · 2026-04-20T23:46:12+0100

This is mine

The Elusive Sorcerer

After spending several years in prison, Liam Tirarty realised that he had been transported into the body of a young man named Zavi Actitus, with no memory of his past before he awoke in a world on the brink of crisis, a world shrouded in suffocating supernatural forces and unsolved...

www.scribblehub.com

[OPEN 2/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3

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