First Impression:
A huge block of text is the first thing I see in the synopsis. It's very intimidating. Turn into multiple paragraphs, please.
And you're not telling us what is special about your story. It's about an assassin guy doing martial arts stuff, or so I assume from the tags? And there's a Camelot theme going on, too. Then that's what the synopsis should focus on.
Strange powers, unexplained identity, epic tale of courage and self discovery, resilience and sacrifice, that is every single fantasy novel out there. You don't need to say that, because we already know. And we don't want to read several sentences about something we already know. It's generic, tasteless mop, reading as if it were written by AI.
Thoughts on the Story:
I went into chapter one, and was immidiately hit with the words 'prologue.' Choose. Is it the prologue, or the first chapter?
If the two are combined, seperate them. I hope that's what happened, and it was just a mistake— I only see a glimpse of the protagonist in 'A Sudden Awakening', and that' what feels like the real beginning of the chapter.
More importantly, the story screams it was written by AI.
The overused em-dash was the biggest indicator for me. The keyboard does not have the em-dash key, and AI often use em as a catch-all tool for tone shifts I'm not sure if it is, but I don't care if the answer is yes. It saps all my want to read.
The story feels like it was written by you, but you ran it through AI to make it sound 'better'. Sadly, AI is not a perfect tool. It cleaned up your story pacing, and added little descriptions, but it also sapped any semblence of unique passion from your writing. The tone, the feel you were going for, the core ideas of your story, they were all killed.
It's as if you tried to make a delicious meal, but messed everything up. Then you asked the AI to salvage it. So the AI blended it and made it look pretty. But the result is unedible. It may look pretty, but it's mixed with dirt and debris.
Without AI, it wasn't the prettiest, but at least it was edible.
Thank you for your feedback! It honestly makes me happy knowing someone took the time to read and respond to my story. I really appreciate your thoughts.
I understand where you're coming from. You probably have a lot of experience as both a writer and reader, while I’m still an amateur, currently a university student just writing in my free time.
About the em-dashes, yeah, I mainly use them for strong tone shifts or sudden interruptions. I write most of my drafts using Microsoft Word on my phone, especially during breaks or downtime. My laptop also has Word, but it doesn’t give me quick access to em-dashes like my phone does. That’s why they might pop up more often than intended.
I get that some parts of my writing might feel AI-like, but I assure you, It’s all me. I’m still learning and doing my best to improve the tone, pacing, and emotional weight with every chapter.
And for synopsis means — a brief summary or general survey of something, I just give a summary of my story, that's all.
As for the “prologue,” that one’s on me. I originally wrote it as a glimpse into future events, kind of inspired by how Solo Leveling started. But I get now that it may have caused confusion, so I’ll separate it properly from Chapter 1 moving forward.
This story draws inspiration from Solo Leveling, God of War, Monkey King Movie and even The Shield from WWE. I wanted to create a world where mythologies collide, and every fairy tale story , every history, and every god exists into one like Marvel Universe. Artreus, my main character, is still on the path of discovering who he really is.
My vision was to drop readers into a war they don’t fully understand at first, just like life. The idea is that the truth and deeper meaning are revealed through the journey. I know that might be confusing at times, so feel free to let me know which parts were unclear, I’d really appreciate that kind of feedback.
Thanks again. I'm grateful you gave my story a shot. I’ll keep improving!
First Impression:
A huge block of text is the first thing I see in the synopsis. It's very intimidating. Turn into multiple paragraphs, please.
And you're not telling us what is special about your story. It's about an assassin guy doing martial arts stuff, or so I assume from the tags? And there's a Camelot theme going on, too. Then that's what the synopsis should focus on.
Strange powers, unexplained identity, epic tale of courage and self discovery, resilience and sacrifice, that is every single fantasy novel out there. You don't need to say that, because we already know. And we don't want to read several sentences about something we already know. It's generic, tasteless mop, reading as if it were written by AI.
Thoughts on the Story:
I went into chapter one, and was immidiately hit with the words 'prologue.' Choose. Is it the prologue, or the first chapter?
If the two are combined, seperate them. I hope that's what happened, and it was just a mistake— I only see a glimpse of the protagonist in 'A Sudden Awakening', and that' what feels like the real beginning of the chapter.
More importantly, the story screams it was written by AI.
The overused em-dash was the biggest indicator for me. The keyboard does not have the em-dash key, and AI often use em as a catch-all tool for tone shifts I'm not sure if it is, but I don't care if the answer is yes. It saps all my want to read.
The story feels like it was written by you, but you ran it through AI to make it sound 'better'. Sadly, AI is not a perfect tool. It cleaned up your story pacing, and added little descriptions, but it also sapped any semblence of unique passion from your writing. The tone, the feel you were going for, the core ideas of your story, they were all killed.
It's as if you tried to make a delicious meal, but messed everything up. Then you asked the AI to salvage it. So the AI blended it and made it look pretty. But the result is unedible. It may look pretty, but it's mixed with dirt and debris.
Without AI, it wasn't the prettiest, but at least it was edible.
I truly hope you continue reading. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I’m doing my best to grow as a writer.=D
In the peaceful town of Ozamian, young Artreus dreams of becoming the strongest knight, inspired by his older brother, Arthur Reigns. But his life is shattered when the Demon King Abaddon attacks their town, killing his mother and leaving a trail of devastation. Determined to seek justice and...
www.scribblehub.com
