Need opinions on my first fully immersive system

[RavensQuill]

It goes without saying that I've played around with systems before, with varying levels of success. My main problem in the past has been a lack of effort and forethought, which meant I either stopped caring about the system or lost interest in the story it was made for halfway through.

So this time, I'm doing it right. Building a brand-new, fully-custom system from the ground up. It's gonna feature in an upcoming reader-driven story, but I wanna make sure I iron out all the wrinkles before I put it live.

So, here's a link to the Project Terra Handbook. It's written in the voice of the system's "creator" within the story, so it should (hopefully) be a consistently casual and sarcastic tone. You will notice as you skim through it that it has multiple hyperlinks to other documents. This is because I'm keeping to the theme of a "game document" offered to players. Readers will also be able to peruse this document at will.

A few notes:

• Not all the extra documents are complete, and some are even untouched, as I'm still organizing my notes and ideas.
• The idea is to be as "realistic" as possible, with death consequences, inventory, etc.
  • Also, the goal is to have 90% of this story develop from reader interaction (votes, characters, factions, etc.), so I'm keeping it relatively simple. Basically, I'm averse to adding any new subsystems or skills (but if you think of a cool one that can be built upon, please let me know).
• I'm going with the (not so) unique viewpoint of incorporating player knowledge and skill. This means no special moves with weapons. You're only as good as your training.
  • This applies to weapons and magic by default, but will also feature in recipe production for other skills. This way, characters in the "game" can progress technology further by getting immersed in the system.

Holy shit, dude, this post is getting long enough. What's your point?

Well, it's simple. my experience with writing doesn't extend to making a system from scratch like this. So I need critique, opinions, balancing suggestions, etc. Really, anything within the document you see that needs improvement or doesn't make sense, fire away. I'll take it all in, and make appropriate revisions. Be as in-depth or picky as you like. I promise you, you can't hurt my feelings.

With that in mind, thank you in advance for your time and thoughts.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

Sarcastic tone.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

It goes without saying that I've played around with systems before

*Sailus when he read that.*

 

[RavensQuill]

Sarcastic tone.

You know, I remember you, not for your name, though you've commented on every other of my posts, but because of that dog face meme.

As I said last time you posted it, I can't argue with that face.

*Sailus when he read that.*

Sorry if that's strange, but the last time I came into these forums with a theory crafting-esque topic, I was flame for not mentioning prior experience xD

Just covering my bases

 

[RepresentingWrath]

 

[TheEldritchGod]

What do you mean by system?
Like TWIRPS? OR amber? Hero? Point based or random stat generation?

 

[RavensQuill]

What do you mean by system?
Like TWIRPS? OR amber? Hero? Point based or random stat generation?

You'll be able to tell by reading the document, but I do have a basic character sheet made up. No stat points per se, just a ranking system.

 

[John_Owl]

It looks fairly good thus far. A friend and I are in the midst of making a fully fleshed out TTRPG system to our liking, which I'm planning to also use in an upcoming isekai. that said, I'd recommend a playtest or two to ensure you've got all the bases covered when it's "done". I know from first hand experience, you can get about 95% done, forget about that last 5%, then frantically scramble for it when you remember "I was going to do that later!! crap!"

 

[GabrielTenma]

It goes without saying that I've played around with systems before, with varying levels of success. My main problem in the past has been a lack of effort and forethought, which meant I either stopped caring about the system or lost interest in the story it was made for halfway through.

So this time, I'm doing it right. Building a brand-new, fully-custom system from the ground up. It's gonna feature in an upcoming reader-driven story, but I wanna make sure I iron out all the wrinkles before I put it live.

So, here's a link to the Project Terra Handbook. It's written in the voice of the system's "creator" within the story, so it should (hopefully) be a consistently casual and sarcastic tone. You will notice as you skim through it that it has multiple hyperlinks to other documents. This is because I'm keeping to the theme of a "game document" offered to players. Readers will also be able to peruse this document at will.

A few notes:

• Not all the extra documents are complete, and some are even untouched, as I'm still organizing my notes and ideas.
• The idea is to be as "realistic" as possible, with death consequences, inventory, etc.
  • Also, the goal is to have 90% of this story develop from reader interaction (votes, characters, factions, etc.), so I'm keeping it relatively simple. Basically, I'm averse to adding any new subsystems or skills (but if you think of a cool one that can be built upon, please let me know).
• I'm going with the (not so) unique viewpoint of incorporating player knowledge and skill. This means no special moves with weapons. You're only as good as your training.
  • This applies to weapons and magic by default, but will also feature in recipe production for other skills. This way, characters in the "game" can progress technology further by getting immersed in the system.

Holy shit, dude, this post is getting long enough. What's your point?

Well, it's simple. my experience with writing doesn't extend to making a system from scratch like this. So I need critique, opinions, balancing suggestions, etc. Really, anything within the document you see that needs improvement or doesn't make sense, fire away. I'll take it all in, and make appropriate revisions. Be as in-depth or picky as you like. I promise you, you can't hurt my feelings.

With that in mind, thank you in advance for your time and thoughts.

I'm not fully sure what you're tryna do but from what I see it looks pretty fleshed out so far. Just some questions :

Are you not planning on adding jobs, classes, etc of any type?

The rare monsters all have E stat levels like the common and uncommon, are you gonna fix em later?

How is the inventory system supposed to work? Is it taken out from somewhere or something else?

Sorry if my questions seem dumb, not sure what the system is supposed to be for (I read the entire prompt but my smol trash brain is still not sure!

 

[RavensQuill]

I'm not fully sure what you're tryna do but from what I see it looks pretty fleshed out so far. Just some questions :

Are you not planning on adding jobs, classes, etc of any type?

The rare monsters all have E stat levels like the common and uncommon, are you gonna fix em later?

How is the inventory system supposed to work? Is it taken out from somewhere or something else?

Sorry if my questions seem dumb, not sure what the system is supposed to be for (I read the entire prompt but my smol trash brain is still not sure!

Jobs? I might add some later, if I can find a natural way to tie them in. But no, I don't plan to add any classes. I want a "classless" kind of gameplay here.

I will indeed fix the monster stats, as well as their drops and special notes. The Animals doc is one of those I haven't had the chance to complete quite yet.

The inventory system will work much like any game system. I outline it in the "Inventory and Storage Management" document, but basically all players have a certain number of slots (very low at the start to encourage other forms of carrying items).

No dumb questions :) One of the things I really wanna nail is to make sure it's clear to anyone reading that document. So if there's parts that are confusing, then I'll have to do my best to tidy them up!

 

[GabrielTenma]

Jobs? I might add some later, if I can find a natural way to tie them in. But no, I don't plan to add any classes. I want a "classless" kind of gameplay here.

I will indeed fix the monster stats, as well as their drops and special notes. The Animals doc is one of those I haven't had the chance to complete quite yet.

The inventory system will work much like any game system. I outline it in the "Inventory and Storage Management" document, but basically all players have a certain number of slots (very low at the start to encourage other forms of carrying items).

No dumb questions :) One of the things I really wanna nail is to make sure it's clear to anyone reading that document. So if there's parts that are confusing, then I'll have to do my best to tidy them up!

Alright, I skimmed the document but I'll do a reskim and tell you if I have any more questions :)

 

[melchi]

1.) Exp point, get rid of them. Milestones are better for a written work.
2.) Percentages, get rid of them. They just make the math harder. Getting sent to respawn should be something simple. Loose a level? Loose all inventory and have to go back and salvage corpse?

This stuff is better in an actual game rather than a story.

Remember: KISS (keep it simple stu.....)

 

[Indicterra]

Systems are like guns, every extra number is an extra bolt and every extra bolt is every extra complication

Keep it simple with a few rules would be my advice