My current concept draft for the 2nd chapter can anyone tell me if its good or not (feel free to roast me)

A_the_king_of_all

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Contains spoilers to Foundation Of Talents (you can read the 1st chapter as there is only One with only a thousand Words)




So my current draft for the 2nd chapter is

Mc running away from his tutors

Meeting a legendary monster/beast catcher

Seeing his One older brothers training

Getting forcefully dragged in

On the way to his room hearing voices and sensing a bond

Gone to check to bond

Found the legendary monster catcher negotiating with his father about monster sales to the empire's militry mounts and war tools

Asking his father to buy the monster as his familiar

Forming a familiar contract and naming the monster

The Character end

Bonus information (it's a thing i do with each chapter like i put bonus information about the world, characters, items, races etc.)

My current progress (non refined, so there will be mistakes) (also idk what's tags to put)

[Chapter Two]: The Fateful Encounter

[5 years, 3 months and 27 days later]

The light of the rising sun was leaking through the large windows of the main Elrod estate as a small kid looking around the age of five, with his platinum white hair shining below the light and his heterochromic Golden-crimson eyes softly glowing. As the sound of his little footsteps running while a tired voice of figure with green eyes, red hair and freckles on his face yelling with low energy.

“YOUNG MASTER A PLEASE STOP RUNNING, YOU NEED TO LEARN THE FAMILY HISTORY AND THE BASIC ROYAL EDUCATION!”

A replied with zero sarcasm in his light voice, as his running speed slowly increased as his energy slowly started to deplete.

“Teacher, you can just teach them to me at night, as it will help me in sleeping.”

Something bumped into A, A looked up and saw a dark skinned man with a claw-like scar on his face with black hair and left eye missing. The man ignored A and just left towards the throne room while one of the 2 guards escorting him knelt down to A apologising with genuine passion.

“Young Lord A, i apologise on the behalf the beast catcher Kraken, he doesn't know who you are, I hope you can understand”

A looked confused for half a second as he remembered, the excitement on his face couldn't be hidden as he yelled.

“THAT RUDE GUY IS FAMOUS BEAST CATCHER KRAKEN!”

Guard taken aback by the sudden excitement of A, he slowly nodded then asked A if he could return to his duty.



I already have the bonus information done before hand

[Name]: Divinity (followed by its primary type)


[Origin]: Lost to time itself.

[Appearance]: Hair color is usually decided by genetics; the eye color of a Divinity represents their concepts, but it's not necessary—it shows both concepts, as in most cases it only shows one color. Other than that, they look identical to humans with no major differences.

[Abilities]: Each divinity is born with a 'minor concept' and a 'major concept.' Each divinity is also born with an innate ability to control divine energy to the perfect degree.

[Minor concept/Divine Power Type]: A minor concept is a term used to refer to the natural divine energy type of a divinity, such as perfection (represented by the color 'gold'), Control (represented by blue), etc. A minor concept can be found across multiple divinities, unlike 'major concepts.' <Only common, understandable concepts can be minor concepts.>

[Major concept/Divine Attributed concept]: A major concept is a term to refer to the nonnatural, higher divine energy of a divinity, as it's completely unique to a single divinity until 108 years after their death. A major concept can be things such as chaos (represented by crimson), war (epresented by red), etc.
 

Cananga

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Dear child, keep your story and your chapter structured. Your structure feels messy. Keep the skeleton simple, you can flesh it out later.
And try to use a reliable structure like three act structure or kishotenketsu to easily pinpoint the important events.

And this is just a wild guess. If you started writing without blueprint then I think tour storry will be messy and directionless. Not much worth to read. At the very least have the ending decided and the point of each chapter before starting to write.
 

A_the_king_of_all

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Go
Dear child, keep your story and your chapter structured. Your structure feels messy. Keep the skeleton simple, you can flesh it out later.
And try to use a reliable structure like three act structure or kishotenketsu to easily pinpoint the important events.

And this is just a wild guess. If you started writing without blueprint then I think tour storry will be messy and directionless. Not much worth to read. At the very least have the ending decided and the point of each chapter before starting to write.
Got it, thanks
 
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