Looking for harsh chapter 1 feedback!

[m4gpier]

Pretty much title of the post, give me some straight feedback on what you dislike, puts you off, where you stop reading chapter one of my book "How A Slacker Replaced The Demon Lord", plus any issues with the description.

Feel free to say something nice if you want but I mainly want to know what would stop you from reading further.

Hope this is the right place to ask, apologies if not.

The Link

 

[Tetrahedron]

I think Tempokai has made a thread about roasting your work in that thread alone, though I'm not sure if it's still active