When Monstergirls want sex and they don't ask nicely. Red shouldn't have been messing with system menu early in the morning. He messed up and transported himself to a sex dimension. The only way out is to go on an adventure to defeat the arch demon Lilium. Tons of monstergirls,...
I'm surprised @K5Rakitan isn't here yet.
Alright, here's my review.
This thing is actually very good, a little journal of meeting monster girls. A little exposition or explanation as to what the cultivation is would be nice, but considering how you are taking a mixture of absorption of monsters defeated and the classic ero cultivation, it wouldn't effect most people, but I would still reccomend doing so.
Regarding the smut part, it's not exactly up to the par, you have to dial a bit more towards the show part.
Try not to use phrases like "it feels good," show it more, like with your heartbeat or sweat, or the saliva dripping.
Describe how her mouth feels, for example. The folds, the roughness of the tongue, the suction.
And describe the women more, other than just saying they are this monster with this big boobs.
And description of the man's rod is needed, have some monsters praise it, like how big and hard it is, and the top is shiny, and it's tasty, or how it pulsates, or how the warm meat feels good when slapped on cheeks
And other than that, I actually like it.
If you are going for a wide audience, which I suggest you do, you don't need to go into any more detail than you already are, but if you do wanna go the smut road, well.....
I considered it, but I just don't have the energy. I have an active contract, and I'm struggling to edit one page a day. My son is literally draining me. He's draining milk from my nipples.
I'm surprised @K5Rakitan isn't here yet.
Alright, here's my review.
This thing is actually very good, a little journal of meeting monster girls. A little exposition or explanation as to what the cultivation is would be nice, but considering how you are taking a mixture of absorption of monsters defeated and the classic ero cultivation, it wouldn't effect most people, but I would still reccomend doing so.
Regarding the smut part, it's not exactly up to the par, you have to dial a bit more towards the show part.
Try not to use phrases like "it feels good," show it more, like with your heartbeat or sweat, or the saliva dripping.
Describe how her mouth feels, for example. The folds, the roughness of the tongue, the suction.
And describe the women more, other than just saying they are this monster with this big boobs.
And description of the man's rod is needed, have some monsters praise it, like how big and hard it is, and the top is shiny, and it's tasty, or how it pulsates, or how the warm meat feels good when slapped on cheeks
And other than that, I actually like it.
If you are going for a wide audience, which I suggest you do, you don't need to go into any more detail than you already are, but if you do wanna go the smut road, well.....
I like the story so far. I've read the first two chapters and they are great. Some of the wording could be adjusted but its fine overall. Besides the wording I was drawn into the story pretty well. Nothing broke me out of the story.
I like the story so far. I've read the first two chapters and they are great. Some of the wording could be adjusted but its fine overall. Besides the wording I was drawn into the story pretty well. Nothing broke me out of the story.
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