How much dating a person could go through in life

[ACertainPassingUser]

If one goes to date and break-up repeatedly due to incompatibilities, then how much it would take before the memories of the partner candidates started to blur together and you're starting to lost count ?

And assuming one date succeed and eventually break-up, how many more succeed->break-up cycle a person could usually handle in their lives ?

 

[Tempokai]

Assume that the ordinary human can keep up with roughly 150 connections. If a man is hikikomori who doesn't participate in society, probably can remember longer each and if a social maniac, he could mix things up in any second.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

What Tempokai said.

 

[Woolen_Monkey]

What Tempokai said.

 

[Rhaps]

What Tempokai said.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

The ones you love the most stand out and stay fresh in your memory, even decades later. The ones who didn't make much of an impression can be difficult to recall, but I'm now thinking of about twenty people I haven't thought of in a long time.

 

[Bartun]

Humans are wired to pair bonding from an evolutionary perspective, that's why the first crush feels so intense and that's also why the first breakup hurts so much. People do develop a tolerance for social interactions, and any subsequent serious or casual relationship feels less intense.

With an increasing number of partners your capacity for pair bonding diminishes to the point you can actually destroy it. Attractive people have an abundance of potential partners and they need to develop apathy and a tolerance to guilt if they actually want to exercise said abundance. That's why we see an increasing rate of divorces, coupled with the weaponization of divorce courts.

In theory, people could go dating through life indefinitely but at the expense of their empathy and their capacity to form meaningful bonds with other human beings.

But I'm just a dinosaur and this is just my humble opinion. ?

 

[Succubiome]

In theory, people could go dating through life indefinitely but at the expense of their empathy and their capacity to form meaningful bonds with other human beings.

My pair bonding has gotten more intense each time I've done it.

Treating people as a means rather than an ends will tend to kill your empathy and capacity to form meaningful bonds, I agree-- but having more relationships over time (or at once, for that matter) doesn't innately do that.

...Anyways, re: memory, it probably matters how intense and longlasting and meaningful the relationships were as much as how many of them there were?

If you hook up with someone at a bar, decide to date that evening, and then find out the next morning you're incompatible, you probably aren't going to remember them as well as say, a childhood friend you have an increasingly mutual attraction to and start dating and are planning out your life together, but then they have to leave the country to take care of their parents, and you can't follow them because you have to stick with your job if you want to get anywhere in life, and you try to keep the relationship alive, but within a month you both just aren't feeling it and go back to doing your best to be friends, but it's a little awkward now.

 

[Cipiteca396]

Assuming you start dating at the age of four, with an average turn over of 10 days, over the course of 25 years you could date eight hundred and ninety people.

Now, there's a similar number you might be more familiar with. It's the number of class mates you've had in school. Let's say you had a class size of 30. Now, class number isn't consistent over time, ranging from one to however many you wanna take later on. I'm gonna say... 45, as a low estimate. That gives you 1,350 acquaintances. Arguably, you'd know these people better than your one-week-stands. You spent a whole year with them, after all, even if you didn't give them your full focus.

Now somehow, I don't confuse random strangers I meet with kids I knew in high school. Even my peers that I spent hours and hours of my time with don't make reality fog up for me.

Now, there is a case where reality fogs up for me. It's pets... Every time a pet annoys me, I cycle through all the names of my pets cause I'm stressed and they all do the same shit. Uh... Well that's that.

Unless your character is dating all these people at the same time, it should never, ever be an issue. They aren't spending enough time with a single person to have that person be central to their mind. And if they ARE getting hung up on one person, then it's because of that ONE person. So then, it's not about quantity.

Following through on that, if your character is easily attached, and ends up having a large number of significant relationships...

Sorry, I didn't sleep.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

Humans are wired to pair bonding from an evolutionary perspective, that's why the first crush feels so intense and that's also why the first breakup hurts so much. People do develop a tolerance for social interactions, and any subsequent serious or casual relationship feels less intense.

With an increasing number of partners your capacity for pair bonding diminishes to the point you can actually destroy it. Attractive people have an abundance of potential partners and they need to develop apathy and a tolerance to guilt if they actually want to exercise said abundance. That's why we see an increasing rate of divorces, coupled with the weaponization of divorce courts.

In theory, people could go dating through life indefinitely but at the expense of their empathy and their capacity to form meaningful bonds with other human beings.

But I'm just a dinosaur and this is just my humble opinion. ?

Humans evolved to pursue a variety of mating strategies to cope with changes in the environment. That's why our species has invaded nearly every ecosystem on our planet. Did you know that more gay people are born in times of famine? Having a few people around who won't reproduce but instead help the breeders can be very beneficial to a community. Also, humans aren't the only species who engage in a variety of mating strategies!

I don't feel that dating many people reduced my capacity for pair bonding. There were a lot of people I simply wasn't compatible with, but I fell deeply in love with someone many years after my first love. I think the idea of diminishing your capacity for pair bonding is myth used to shame people into sticking with someone who doesn't really suit them. It's something I remember hearing in my teen years, and getting that concept in my head contributed to depression in my early twenties. After my first love (2007) stopped talking to me, I stuck with someone who wasn't right for me for far too long (2009-2014). I fell in love hard again in 2015, but this time, after that was over, I found peace in the pain because I knew it meant I could fall in love like that again.

Now I've gotta cut this short and get back to the kid.

 

[MintiLime]

I’ve really only had one meaningful, significant relationship (the one I’m in now). I think it depends on the person. I get attached to people quickly as Friends but Not Partners. I love platonically super easily, but romantic love is hard for me. I have to be friends with you first, then go to dating, then go to love. I think how many partners you have and how you remember them depends on what forms the relationship. Is it sexually driven? Mutual trust turned romantic? How about just freely loving for the heck of it, the fun and emotional bond you can feel? That could probably happen over the course of a couple days and be super meaningful, vs. a relationship built on a sense of mutual responsibility that can also be super meaningful but take years to build. Some people go in thinking of it as a lifelong commitment, some as good times for good times sake. Neither is wrong, but it will change the frequency and length of relationships.

 

[Succubiome]

Also, come to think of it, one of my grandparents lived in a city, remembered basically everyone they interacted with by name, and often other details about them, which I found impressive. They said this made a huge difference to people, and suggested doing it. And also like, I think most people could probably list a thousand fictional characters if given a couple hours?

So if you genuinely cared about each of the people you dated, or made a genuine effort to get to know them and be a good companion to them in an attempt to get to the state of genuinely caring, I think you'd probably remember them on some level. I don't know that they'd be on the top of your mind, you might forget details, but I think there'd be something there.

...also depends on how good your memory skills are, I guess.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Assume that the ordinary human can keep up with roughly 150 connections. If a man is hikikomori who doesn't participate in society, probably can remember longer each and if a social maniac, he could mix things up in any second.

The Dunbar empathy limit is estimated to be between 148 and 250. However, if you look into the field more, I have the personal theory that everyone has a different limit. Like a sociopath, and I have met and provided treatment for several, might have a Dunbar limit of say 3.

It is curious that most sociopaths do have people they "like". As in. Favored pet. It is very surreal if you become one.

Do not complain to sociopaths about anything. They will either not care, or help. And helping... is so much worse.

 

[Sebas_Guzman]

You guys all make it sound like we're in the 80's. It's the age of smartphones and body counts exceeding 200.
In the case that you somehow can't remember people's faces, despite all of us being extreme consumers of fiction and able to recall hundreds of characters, you have your smartphone.
You have that smartphone or maybe, if you're really into the old ways, a black book with all the conquests in them. if you cant remember, they'll remember for you.

You'd only really lose count if you don't care. But since body counts are a matter of pride for social men, and a source of shame for a good amount of social women, you're probably going to remember unless you're drugged up

 

[TheEldritchGod]

If one goes to date and break-up repeatedly due to incompatibilities, then how much it would take before the memories of the partner candidates started to blur together and you're starting to lost count ?

And assuming one date succeed and eventually break-up, how many more succeed->break-up cycle a person could usually handle in their lives ?

Before they become broken? About three to five.

You get to double digit, they're broken. Do not date. Avoid like plague.

You guys all make it sound like we're in the 80's. It's the age of smartphones and body counts exceeding 200.
In the case that you somehow can't remember people's faces, despite all of us being extreme consumers of fiction and able to recall hundreds of characters, you have your smartphone.
You have that smartphone or maybe, if you're really into the old ways, a black book with all the conquests in them. if you cant remember, they'll remember for you.

You'd only really lose count if you don't care. But since body counts are a matter of pride for social men, and a source of shame for a good amount of social women, you're probably going to remember unless you're drugged up

Biologically, you humans have not had any interesting mutations or changes to your brain structure for about 100k years.

You really think your smartphones have changed anything? You just created a large city you can carry in your pocket. Put people in a small town, they date like a small town. Put people in a big city, they date like a big city.

My pair bonding has gotten more intense each time I've done it.

Oh. Yer male.

Males can form strong bonds for years. The speed changes, but men can bond fairly well for years. Different for women. And with good reason.

When your ancestors were running along and the male had a chance to die defending his wife and child, or save his own ass, you descended from the male who died for his child's survival.

When raiders came in and killed all all the other men, the women who died with their husband's could not protect their children. The women who saw the writing on the wall let go of the dead husband and let themselves become the property of the winners, thus they could beg for your child's life.

You descended from the woman who cut her losses.

There is nothing wrong with this.

Sorry if this offends your modern cellphone dating sensibilities, but I would like to point out humanity is dying out. Your numbers are decreasing as you ignore your biological nature. Which is fine. This is just part of the process. It is self selecting.

Like the man who saved his own ass and abandoned his family, the modern age is a filter.

I wonder what you will become in time.

 

[Succubiome]

Oh. Yer male.

Nope, but interesting conclusion to draw.

It is curious that most sociopaths do have people they "like". As in. Favored pet. It is very surreal if you become one.

I feel like there's a story here.

 

[Bartun]

Humans evolved to pursue a variety of mating strategies to cope with changes in the environment. That's why our species has invaded nearly every ecosystem on our planet. Did you know that more gay people are born in times of famine? Having a few people around who won't reproduce but instead help the breeders can be very beneficial to a community. Also, humans aren't the only species who engage in a variety of mating strategies!

I don't feel that dating many people reduced my capacity for pair bonding. There were a lot of people I simply wasn't compatible with, but I fell deeply in love with someone many years after my first love. I think the idea of diminishing your capacity for pair bonding is myth used to shame people into sticking with someone who doesn't really suit them. It's something I remember hearing in my teen years, and getting that concept in my head contributed to depression in my early twenties. After my first love (2007) stopped talking to me, I stuck with someone who wasn't right for me for far too long (2009-2014). I fell in love hard again in 2015, but this time, after that was over, I found peace in the pain because I knew it meant I could fall in love like that again.

Now I've gotta cut this short and get back to the kid.

Well, I said I was just a dino and that was only my humble opinion. ?

My pair bonding has gotten more intense each time I've done it.

Treating people as a means rather than an ends will tend to kill your empathy and capacity to form meaningful bonds, I agree-- but having more relationships over time (or at once, for that matter) doesn't innately do that.

...Anyways, re: memory, it probably matters how intense and longlasting and meaningful the relationships were as much as how many of them there were?

If you hook up with someone at a bar, decide to date that evening, and then find out the next morning you're incompatible, you probably aren't going to remember them as well as say, a childhood friend you have an increasingly mutual attraction to and start dating and are planning out your life together, but then they have to leave the country to take care of their parents, and you can't follow them because you have to stick with your job if you want to get anywhere in life, and you try to keep the relationship alive, but within a month you both just aren't feeling it and go back to doing your best to be friends, but it's a little awkward now.

Mine too. More intense but way less crazy, to the point where I could stop to think twice about it and decide if it was good for me or not instead of jumping headfirst. ?

 

[RepresentingCaution]

Well, I said I was just a dino and that was only my humble opinion. ?

Apparently I'm a year older than you, but you're as old as you feel, I guess. When my kid eventually goes to summer camp, I've got plans to write him letters about how we got to ride dinosaurs instead of horses back when I went to camp. My parents used to write me ridiculous letters, too. I remember one was basically a "Jack and the Beanstalk" version, except with a melon plant we were trying to grow. They told me I wouldn't need curtains for my window anymore because there was a huge leaf blocking my window.

 

[Bartun]

Apparently I'm a year older than you, but you're as old as you feel, I guess. When my kid eventually goes to summer camp, I've got plans to write him letters about how we got to ride dinosaurs instead of horses back when I went to camp. My parents used to write me ridiculous letters, too. I remember one was basically a "Jack and the Beanstalk" version, except with a melon plant we were trying to grow. They told me I wouldn't need curtains for my window anymore because there was a huge leaf blocking my window.

That sounds like a good idea. Mama Dino also wrote those silly letters for me.

And yeah, you're a year older than me, the 65 million years I spent in a block of ice don't count. ?