How does one deal with something like that?

[Deleted member 68927]

I was never liked. Then again, the people around me were honest about it from the start.

Today, when I am finally getting better and the clients are telling me that my German is just fine, I got mocked by my colleagues. Today should have been a happy day for me. My scores are improving. We have this wall where our managers write our NPS(Net Promoter Score).
After the scores were updated, I got called a pig by a colleague to whom I was nothing but nice since I first met her. She did it behind my back, but I heard it, because I was between calls. Everyone laughted.
This job pays a lot, but I find it hard to deal with coworkers who just wait for you to put on the headphones to talk shit about you, and clients who will yell at you as soon as you tell them no.
My hair has began to turn white, and I have trouble sleeping.Doing a writing session every day is pretty much the only thing which keeps me going.
So...how do I rub their noses in? I will never have their love, or respect, but if I am going to get their hatred, I might as well earn it.

Because I might be tired, but I am getting heathier and I don't want to quit my job because of people to whom I have done nothing.

 

[RepresentingDesire]

That's the funny thing about behaving good, it doesn't matter if you have inherent qualities they dislike.
I bet you could be an asshole to everyone but your boss it won't change a thing or they just see it as another reason to hate you.

My answer would be to become hateful or unwelcoming to them, but I just have a problem with people in general and only some are malicious or annoying. Indifference would be another option, indifference is bliss for a reason.

 

[BouncyCactus]

Just keep up a professional attitude. Act nonchalant about their behavior, let them know that you know, but give jack shit about it. You are there to do your job, and the job shall be done, and their petty office politic is nothing to you. Show that you are no pushover, be firm, factual, and efficient. Be so good and efficient that you have no choice but to rely on you, even if they don't like you. Show that they are worse than you, who they called a pig. Nay, you ain't a pig, but a hog. And no one stands in the way of a hog.

Just fuel your existence with spite. Live your every day knowing that they are nothing to you. They need to put you down to feel better about their sad, miserable footnote of existence, confined by the sorry falsehood of their perceived superiority.
___
Ya know, this happened to me too eons ago. With the whole Asian-Confucious culture of respecting the elderly and all, and know your better. It is a good core to live by, but more often than not you have the entitled elders who think they are better just because they are older, and deserve better treatment and respect. And the whole face-saving culture too, which is a breeding ground for back-talk and gossip, where everyone pretends to be happy and smiles at each other, but always has thing to say about you, just so they can feel better about them.

Over time, I just jaded up and ran out of shit to give. One day, I exploded, and all the social pressure just evaporated. Some stupid Karen learned to wipe her ass that day, and I became the rude kid of the family, but no one crossed me anymore, and I became the favorite cousin lol.

 

[ConansWitchBaby]

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[Vnator]

Sounds like a toxic work environment. It's not that you have qualities they dislike, it's that the company culture mandates the existence of a scapegoat for people to shit on and treat poorly, and you just so happened to join at a time where they were looking for one, or you had some kind of kind quality that they interpreted as something to take advantage of.

These are not good people, that isn't how you treat someone who shows kindness. A company shouldn't let its culture degrade to such a sorry state.

The best thing you can do is find another company to work at where the employees will treat you decently. When interviewing, see how interviewers treat you, talk to other employees while visiting their office and see if they're properly friendly with you and everyone else in the office. Start interviewing while doing the minimum required at your current job, and put in your 2 weeks notice (or regional equivalent) once you've signed an offer letter from another company.

You're not quitting because they "got to you", but because you know you deserve better, a place that isn't so annoying. You're too good for their shit. Wouldn't you shoo away or swat a mosquito if it landed on you instead of letting it suck your blood? It's not that you're not tough enough or let it get to you, it's that it's annoying and you don't want to deal with it. Same thing here with your current job.

Good luck finding a better place!

 

[owotrucked]

average female coworker experience

 

[AstreiaNyx]

I can't say I've ever experienced that myself, even after years in the workforce. I've been fortunate enough to work with confident colleagues who wouldn't stoop to such tactics to boost their own egos.

It makes me wonder if people who resort to putting others down are simply insecure or jealous. It's definitely worth talking to your supervisor, as this is workplace harassment. Talk to HR as well.

 

[owotrucked]

If you want to keep that job, my serious advice would be to avoid becoming spiteful and make a target out of yourself if you're isolated.
A possible path is to double down on acting kinder (not too much because you need to expect them to be ungrateful), except for the one who made the joke. Another option is to play the game of ruining reputations and use your ammunition when people have beef against her

 

[melchi]

Send her an email asking her to why she called you a pig so you can have a paper trail to turn into HR.

I would suggest not getting into a pissing match though. Because that only ends with everyone smelly. Though Vnator's idea is not bad too, if someone is willing to pay you the same or better for a similar job might as well give it a shot, or at least if you have a job offer you could use that to talk to your boss about why you want to leave. Showing that you can leave makes it a more serious discussion.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Well, here's the thing, sounds like you are working in a place as toxic as when I was a bill collector.

People like them are evil, and what you need to learn is that not giving a fuck hurts them. Honestly, they NEED you to suffer, if you don't, it drives them nuts. It's a dopamine thing. Basically, they're addicts. Like most addicts, they need to get a fix. This fix is supplied by having power over others, mostly by hurting them. If they don't make someone else feel like shit, they feel like shit. Being an addict basically suppresses their conscious. They have empathy, they just can't experience because they have dopamine addiction.

The solution is to focus on the money and stop caring about the feelings of others. The moment you walk out the door, you need to forget the place. When you walk back in, you focus on money. When they talk to you, you respond with, "And this makes me money... how?" stare at them with complete incomprehension saying, "I can't believe you actually care about me that much. You should focus on your work. I don't give a crap about you." If they say they don't care you say, "You can't hate someone without caring, and given how much free rent I have in your head, you must care A LOT. In contrast, I'm not sure what your name is. I couldn't even describe you. I don't remember your face, just your outline. If you ever changed your hairstyle, I wouldn't be able to recognize you."

GREED. EMBRACE THE GREED. You are being paid to put up with toxic co-workers. It's just part of the job. take to giggling in your spare time. Every time they hate you, their job performance goes down and you look better in comparison. Be insanely happy when you o o work, because if you are happy, it will drive them INSANE. Your happiness is their pain, so giggle, smile, and enjoy every minute there, so they go into a talespin of self-destruction.

Oh. And document to HR about the harassment. Say you don't care right now, you just want a paper trail when the person loses their mind. Make it clear, don;t do anything, I just want to point it out when it gets worse later.
Also, next time this happens, turn to them and say, "Look. I have tried to make it clear, but it is clearly not getting through to you. I don't Date Co-workers. Okay? Please stop the flirting. It's getting distracting. I'm here to WORK, nothing more." EVEN BETTER IF IT'S A MALE CO-WORKER.

Now, when they say, "I'm not flirting!" You quote all the insults you've overheard and then say, "Now considering I'm living Rent Free In Your Head, You clearly CARE about me and are just socially awkward. After all, Hate and love are just two sides of the same coin, and you can't feel either without caring about someone. I get that you have feelings, but I'm just here to work."

NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY TRY TO MAKE IT CLEAR THEY HATE YOU, JUST KEEP SAYING YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED AND NEVER DATE PEOPLE AT WORK. Then threaten to call HR if they don't stop flirting. PLAY IT STRAIGHT. It works, EVERY TIME, because when people start talking about it, you just say, "Yeah, he/she's so Tsundere. I don't mind the attention, but my experience is that office romances always end badly. Don't shit where you eat, that's what I always say."

If you just keep smiling and acting like every insult is them coming on to you, TRUST ME, they either back off, or the rumor mill goes CRAZY.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

I've been there. It's tough. Not just names behind my back but pranks as well. They put tapioca pudding in my boots and talked about rubbing poison oak in my sleeping bag to make me think I had herpes. Either I'm not allergic to poison oak, or they never got around to actually doing that because I reported that right away. I was shaking as I walked to the camp office.

You did the right thing getting if off your chest. Keep breathing and doing your best. Get professional therapy if needed.

 

[georgelee5786]

I'd say ignore them. If it is a well paying job, be longsuffering. It isn't worth getting mad over borderline strangers mocking you. Ignore them, collect you paycheck, and return to writing.

 

[BearlyAlive]

Those people are like wolves. They smell fear. Either you tell them to btfo or you collect ammo to screw them the legal way or both. Just don't just nod and say "sure, I'll work on it" or something else.

 

[TheKillingAlice]

That's just ass. I hope you get back at them properly. I hate people who go behind your back the most, it's disgusting.
If you can't tell it to my face and get bitch slapped, you shouldn't try going behind my back, unless you want to risk being hit by a hoove.