Hello, hello! Can I pretty please have help with my synopsis?

[TheMonotonePuppet]

This puppet needs help with the synopsis of her story... Pleeeeeease? My newest story, with a few chapters set to be released about a month from now, is called "Fighting the Plot." What it is about, to simplify quickly, is a MMA fighter (so if you don't have synopsis advice, I could equally use advice and/or books for MMA fighting and exercise routines for that type of thing) who dies, coming to life as a wee zombie gal with magic powers in an anime. She has to fight off the world's tropes and cliches, from a fellow reincarnator -a bland teenager trying to make a harem with his Romance system- to the hero worship that pervades society -and the true protagonist of the story- to the world nudging her into a weak loli archetype -along with all of the classic sexist tropes.
It could use MAJOR stream-lining and refining, so if you all have advice or ideas for it, just let me know!
Here it is!

Spoiler: Synopsis of "Fighting the Plot"

"From the ring comes a rising prodigy of Metal Mixed Martial Arts, a vicious titan of muscle and steampunk style shakes the ground, prepared to pound her opponent into next week with her signature jabs walks in." At the height of her career in the year 2070, the 21 year old Praelia Norman was ready for the night of her life. Shining lamps Silver blocky pistons lining her arms and legs vented boiling steam around her grinning face. She luxuriated in the surrounding blood lust, throwing her hands up to the wild whoops and hollers of the adoring crowds.


Yet as she smiled reassuringly to her nervous family in the audience, she keeled over in front of her loving parents and siblings. Blood dribbled down her golden lips and rainbow lines of code crawled over her lenses. Her mom and dad tried to restart her chips, while her brothers and sisters screamed out for their sister to wake up. Paramedics had to take away her screaming family away forcefully to help her.


Her heart had completely exploded.


An aggressive cyberattack that, not too amusingly, downloaded every single last episode of anime onto her pacemaker and cyber-modifications. A cruel way to go for one so young. She had already decided how she wanted to die before now, and it was to be surrounded by her family. But she was to be deprived of even her deepest wish. The excessively long One Piece anime irreverently shrouded the faces of her family members as she hemorrhaged convulsively.


But perhaps she would have appreciated finding herself in the One Piece anime, rather than the last show the untraceable cyberattack gave her. For she did find herself in the most popular one of the year: Whimsical Hearts.

 

[Deleted member 84247]

This reads way to much like a chapter, and not like a synopsis. It is also too long.

I could take snips from this though:
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Praelia Norman was ready for the night of her life. She luxuriated in blood lust, throwing her hands up to the wild whoops and hollers of the adoring crowd. Yet as she smiled reassuringly to her nervous family in the audience, she keeled over in front of her loving parents and siblings. Blood dribbled down her golden lips and rainbow lines of code crawled over her lenses.

Her heart had completely exploded.

An aggressive cyberattack downloaded every single last episode of anime onto her pacemaker and cyber-modifications. A cruel way to go for one so young. The excessively long One Piece anime irreverently shrouded the faces of her family members as she hemorrhaged convulsively.

But perhaps she would have appreciated finding herself in the One Piece anime, rather than the last show the untraceable cyberattack gave her. For she did find herself in the most popular one of the year: Whimsical Hearts.
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I am not sure how I would personally rewrite this, but it is wise to keep a synopsis concise. One paragraph should be enough to hook someone into the story.

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

This reads way to much like a chapter, and not like a synopsis. It is also too long.

I could take snips from this though:
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Praelia Norman was ready for the night of her life. She luxuriated in blood lust, throwing her hands up to the wild whoops and hollers of the adoring crowd. Yet as she smiled reassuringly to her nervous family in the audience, she keeled over in front of her loving parents and siblings. Blood dribbled down her golden lips and rainbow lines of code crawled over her lenses.

Her heart had completely exploded.

An aggressive cyberattack downloaded every single last episode of anime onto her pacemaker and cyber-modifications. A cruel way to go for one so young. The excessively long One Piece anime irreverently shrouded the faces of her family members as she hemorrhaged convulsively.

But perhaps she would have appreciated finding herself in the One Piece anime, rather than the last show the untraceable cyberattack gave her. For she did find herself in the most popular one of the year: Whimsical Hearts.
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I am not sure how I would personally rewrite this, but it is wise to keep a synopsis concise. One paragraph should be enough to hook someone into the story.

That helps a lot! Thanks! I wasn't sure what I could cut out and what I should leave in. This should really help. I'll take this and change it a bit.

 

[LilRora]

...Frankly. This is one of the best synopses I've read in a long time. Not because of its quality, as I do have a few things to say, but they're not because of style. The style is one thing I have absolutely no complaints about, if only because I don't think I've seen any other similar synopsis.

But it's not all sunshine, so lemme point out a few things that caught my eye (and I'll warn you now that I tend to focus on negatives, so don't feel too pressured by all of this since it's hard to point out good things).

First, the most important thing, there is no proper transition in the second paragraph (that or I misunderstood something). I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to achieve, but as it is, it feels like... she's standing on stage before the match, then abruptly keeling over among the audience for no reason. I see how it can work, because it's jarring, but it's jarring, if you get what I mean. You don't have to change it, just think if that's the effect you want.

Second, the opening sentence is a little weird. It doesn't exactly have to be gramtically correct with what it is supposed to be, but it irks me. I'd write it like: "From the ring comes a rising prodigy of Metal Mixed Martial Arts! A vicious titan of muscle and steampunk style, she shakes the ground, walking on stage confidently as always, prepared to pound her opponent into next week with her signature jabs!"

As a side note, I would end this paragraph at that and move all the rest to the next. And speaking of the rest, the Shining lamps fit there like a second doughnut in a single box. I would do it like: "Lighting from floodlights reflected off blocky silver pistons that lined her arms and legs, venting boiling steam around her grinning face."

The rest of this paragraph is good, although you might consider replacing either of bloodlust and adoration, because they don't exactly match.

The second paragraph is good past the thing I mentioned first, just one nitpick. I'd replace "brothers and sisters" with "siblings" as it gets rid of the repetition.

Third large thing, I think replacing the heart line with something more vague would be good. For example "Her life was slipping away <like something>, all for such a stupid reason."

The same issue is with the One Piece. I'd use either an indirect reference or something totally vague. I'm not sure if it could cause problems with copyright or something, but even if not, it feels unnecessarily specific, even more so than the anime thing, which is already slightly too close to summarizing the book for me.

Honestly though, I say all these, but it's all minor changes to form. The idea is great in my opinion, and the mood feels just the mix of seriouness and metal with comedy I sense from the description.

Also, the length, it's indeed a little long. You should consider shortening it, but it's not a large issue. And in regards to length, me after writing this thing:

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

But it's not all sunshine, so lemme point out a few things that caught my eye (and I'll warn you now that I tend to focus on negatives, so don't feel too pressured by all of this since it's hard to point out good things).

No worries about that! I have troubles with focusing on negatives when I provide criticism! You are already balanced it with positives in the first sentence! So sweet! I really appreciate the compliments on style!!!

First, the most important thing, there is no proper transition in the second paragraph (that or I misunderstood something). I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to achieve, but as it is, it feels like... she's standing on stage before the match, then abruptly keeling over among the audience for no reason. I see how it can work, because it's jarring, but it's jarring, if you get what I mean. You don't have to change it, just think if that's the effect you want.

It is supposed to be jarring. But not that kind of jarring. TOTALLY didn't notice that. Oops! *facepalm* Thanks for pointing that out. I'll definitely fix that. That can be a story killer. Yikes!

Second, the opening sentence is a little weird. It doesn't exactly have to be gramtically correct with what it is supposed to be, but it irks me. I'd write it like: "From the ring comes a rising prodigy of Metal Mixed Martial Arts! A vicious titan of muscle and steampunk style, she shakes the ground, walking on stage confidently as always, prepared to pound her opponent into next week with her signature jabs!"

... It is grammatically incorrect, isn't it? Much obliged! I am idiot. I will definitely being using your refined version.

As a side note, I would end this paragraph at that and move all the rest to the next. And speaking of the rest, the Shining lamps fit there like a second doughnut in a single box. I would do it like: "Lighting from floodlights reflected off blocky silver pistons that lined her arms and legs, venting boiling steam around her grinning face."

All great ideas! And lol! I have never heard that example, but it is so APT in this situation! *snorts*

Third large thing, I think replacing the heart line with something more vague. For example "Her life was slipping away <like something>, all for such a stupid reason."

I want something directly heart-related, since hearts is a HUGE part of the story. A family's heart, the heart of magic, a loving heart, etc. I can combine those two things though... *thinking pose*

The same issue is with the One Piece. I'd use either an indirect reference or something totally vague. I'm not sure if it could cause problems with copyright or something, but even if not, it feels unnecessarily specific, even more so than the anime thing, which is already slightly too close to summarizing the book for me.

You know... I didn't think of that. Definitely getting rid of the direct reference to One Piece and replacing it with indirectness.

Honestly though, I say all these, but it's all minor changes to form. The idea is great in my opinion, and the mood feels just the mix of seriouness and metal with comedy I can sense from the description.

THANK YOU! I really appreciate that you like the idea, and the mood of the synopsis!

Also, the length, it's indeed a little long. You should consider shortening it, but it's not a large issue. And in regards to length, me after writing this thing:

LOL! Don't worry! I'll shrink it!

 

[beast_regards]

Writing the synopsis for any web novel is always a pain since it follows different rules than ones for the traditional publishing. In traditional publishing, it is often vague and spoilers free, since you are supposed to buy the book and then be told "no refunds"

In web novels, you need the opposite, tell people exactly what is going to happen, so they won't make you regret your decisions with rating later...

How to do it?

I have no clue, to be honest, your guess is as good as mine since the audience can be very fickle.

But as much as you laugh at the light novel titles, they do work the way it makes sense for the web novel

 

[Succubiome]

@LilRora covered most stuff I can think of-- and quite a bit of stuff I didn't think of.

She is dying with her family around her, so she is technically getting her wish-- maybe just not quite the wish she had hoped for -- so I'd cut or change that?

Second and fourth paragraph have the most cuttable stuff, I feel like? You could merge them and make the heart exploding more active and the second paragraph-- "Then, her heart exploded." or whatever. But that does change pacing a lot.

Despite length issues, I'd include a little more information about Whimsical Hearts-- is it a romance anime? A magical girl anime? Is it dark? Is it a comedy? And that she's a tiny zombie girl definitely seems worth mentioning, as does the focus on fighting against tropes(at the very least sidewise, if nothing else).

You're trying to catch people with the synopsis, and for Isekai you can often get away with a heavy focus on backstory, but you should give them some vague idea of what's coming in the actual story after the prologue.

It doesn't need to be more than a sentence or two, but I'd put at least something to set up the concept.