First, solid narrative voice. The narrator speaks like a believable person and I enjoy their cadence.
Second, don't be afraid of longer paragraphs. Long story short, too many short paragraphs just turn a chapter into one long paragraphs. You need variation to promote narrative flow. I'll just show you an example from your first chapter.
My name is James. I'm a junior accountant. By the time you finish this I'll have accidentally ended several lives. I didn't mean to. That probably doesn't help but ... well ... just stick with me for a moment. The first thing I did every morning wasn’t brush my teeth or check my phone - it was opening The Pirate Bay to see what new freebies were waiting for me. Not because I needed anything, just… habit, I guess. Most days there was nothing new. Still checked anyway, just in case.
It can all go together because 1- the same person is doing all the action. 2 - It's all in the same rhythm. And 3 - it's all accomplishing the same goal (an introduction).
I think you need a better explanation for why someone who isn't 5 or 80 (sorry 5 and 80-year-olds in the forum) is clicking random links. Are they doing it because they have a solid antivirus? Because they have a virtual machine to test viruses on safely? Anytime you have someone do something no ordinary person would do, you have to at least hint at why.
I'm just going to add chapter 2, because just chapter 1 alone is not a full chapter. You aren't done with your hook.
Good banter between characters. Honestly, you are doing well with narrative flow for the most part. Those are the best sections to read.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with letting your protagonist end on the backfoot sometimes. I'm looking at the conversation with Lisa and his smart-ass retort. It's justifiable. But characters are more believable when they don't always have a clever retort or solution for everything. Especially in the beginning, before character growth.
She didn’t respond, I picked up my bag and headed out. Freedom.
These are three very different things happening. And because they aren't witty banter, you seem to want to rush past them. You don't need to dwell forever on her lack of response, him picking up his bag, and then pulling a mini-Braveheart. But you need to spend just a little more time crafting your scenes. The opening, the boring details, the end. Even something as simple as:
She pretended not to hear me.
With a sigh, I picked up my bag and made for the door, waiting until I was standing again in the sunlight that told me I was finally free of corporate tyranny.
Obviously not perfect, but you get the idea. You just need to take a little more time with crafting your scenes.
Moving to Chapter 3 and then 4, because we still haven't hit the hook.
Some people don't read in darkmode, so lime green text is not very legible.
Moving to Chapter 5
The computer finally acting up, and the quiz are fun. I wish there was a little more to it. Maybe even further on the bizarre spectrum. But the setup is fun, and has a lot of potential. Also, it's the hook of your story. Which means chapter 5 is the end of your first chapter.
Honestly, this has high potential. You should definitely keep working on it. I just wanted to give you some feedback for things to work on. I hope they help, best of luck!
