week has been really busy.
Hey, since I did not mention the link last time. Here it is,
B*stard of Abaddon. I have to warn you, there are a few sensitive themes.
read up to: Chapter 5 – Whispers of the night
there's a massive drop in quality in this chapter compared to previous ones. not sure why. ive read c4 days ago but im pretty sure im right.
quality drop in everything, writing quality, dialogue, flow, structure. It's why i stopped mainly. I'll continue my review as if i only read till c4.
quality was alright. check previous reviews for mentions of guides for floating dialogues and how to structure sentences with dialogues. I'll reference them in the original post for the future too. I dont have much negative to say. the writing is just premature. needs polish and that comes with time and experience. the principles are there.
dialogue needs some work. characters have no distinct voice. quirks, speech patterns, body language, all of these shape characters and make it distinct. I'd have liked to see more subtle mentions especially since this is a 'demon' world of sorts.
you need stronger vocab at times. seeing "Mistake.." whispered by ghosts and 'haunting' the mc is really comical and pulls out from the scene. mistake is when you drop some water on the floor accidentaly. It has no gravity. No oomph. its like hearing ghosts whispering 'cheesecake'. a bit nit picky but it's a major plot tool and it's really silly. circles back to polish and experience.
thats mainly it. I haven't read enough to comment further on the plot and i am not going to torture myself with unedited chapters.
Generic~!
Anyway, the exposition and the transition to POVs is a stylistic mannerism that I will not get rid of. I am aware that the show do not tell faction is strong here, and in English in particular, but that is a different discourse. Not that you would not know.
