This thread feels like getting drop kicked by Tickle Me Elmo after he snorted 3 kilos of cocaine while memes keep pushing the screen down. Fine, you can drop kick "Help! Evil Wizards Turned Me Into A Girl!"
Get outta here elmo!
So here we go!!!!!
"Welcome to fifth annual Mackenloo Academy Fencing Tournament,
Oh wait... wrong fencing
Nathan had gleaming black hair which he parted to the right. There was a slight wave to his hair.
Like this?
He was a thin boy who had grown quite strong.
How did the thin boy become strong.
Nathan shook his fist for the crowd
Just shaking it huh.
A few girls swooned for him as cheers erupted. Jody Fischer stuck out her tongue, though it seemed more a playful gesture than an insult.
Sticking out tongue playfully?
A somewhat dour expression was affected by the tendency to purse his lips, which he was doing extremely tightly at the moment.
Did he eat something sour?
Would he fail to win in front of the entire fencing club, the entire school, Jody? He was determined not to let his summer recess be ruined by defeat in this crucial match. It was time to unleash some of his special abilities.
Ohhh yeahhh. He's going to use a gun!
"Silence," yelled the announcer, the crowd quieted, "Is that legal?
FUH NAH GNG
Droplets of perspiration flung outwards from Nathan's mask as he removed it.
That sweaty of that intense match!
While doing so, Nathan spotted an elderly man in a black suit who was standing with the support of a black cane.
That seemed unusual, being that this was a fencing tournament between private high schools
Men in black?!
After a few sips, he was face to face with his former opponent,
Now kiss
"I was going to grab a pizza with everyone. I'll ride my bike home."
As long as it's not hawaiian. I think we cool.
change into a clean pair of jeans with a hole in the left knee
I know where that hole came from! Archery!
Bill and Howard were waiting by the bike racks, guarding Nathan's black and white mountain bike. None of them had brought their own bikes along,
It's fine. Just pretend the cycle.
Jody pulled her light blonde hair back into a loose pony-tail that hung past her shoulders so it wouldn't fall into on her slice.
Not true. Still hair
Howard was more unique; he was tall and his chest was so broad it made the cheap cotton shirts he wore tight.
"It's a good thing you're so powerful," Jody said, "because that guy was a pro. His technique was amazing; and everyone could see you were exhausted before that sudden adrenaline rush you pulled."
I just realized that if you remove the words fencing from your novel. You are actually writing yaoi.
As he hopped on his bike, the old man in the black cape from the gym watched from across the street, but disappeared into an alley before Nathan ever noticed him.
He didn't do anything!
Verdict :
Fencing is a sweaty sport! I haven't got to the fantasy yet but the cape man is very suspicious!
That's a
hook!
I understand the type of writing you are going for immediately from the first chapter. It does give a lot of character to character interactions?
But it does make me want to read more!!
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing
