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^^ this The style is great actually yeah. It's just bogged down by word jargon soup

>me when fifty morbillion proper nouns appear in the first five paragraphs >Insert bocchi glitch gif Okay, seriously though, as usual take my words with a grain of salt and do not use them as end all be all for advice. I'm a pretty shit writer in my own right. So back to the start: You're info...

I'd actually like to comment on your synopsis. For once I decided to check it, mostly because of Eldoria's comment on the mature tag. And boy is it vague posting to the max. It's actually not that bad, but I'd like you to actually explain what that one small moment of courage is to make the...

Omegalul moment

Kamijou Touma combined with Katsuragi Keima?

I'm sad AI has replaced just generic grammar checking. You don't need any of the shitter llms to check if what you have is grammatically correct. Google docs does that for you. Also if you use AI to generate "ideas" then lmao.

Das my EW squad

Yes. The speed at which you read needs to follow the action and pace of the fight. ^ This is supposed to be the buildup to the climax, but it reads terribly slowly. There's an attempt at drama with "through his blurred vision, he saw a figure ahead", but it just reads corny. What I see is...

Yeah you're both lacking and overdoing it. You're lacking the actual tension and scene of the fight, and you're overdoing everything else. Web novel-esque prose is already short, so for action it needs to be incredibly tight and evocative. There's a lot of unnecessary words that extend the...

Ohh this is an AU. I'm not a fan of them 🥹 But honestly the way you write is engaging, and my personal preference in style. This isn't for me, but the little I read I did enjoy! Keep it up

"I use it if I can't think of something" :blob_neutral:

Holy run-on sentence batman

It's wrong lmao Web novels and physical novels are different, yes, and you can facilitate easier reading experiences by having shorter paragraphs. But not this one. It makes it look like a different person is talking. Let's not put up amateur mistakes as "snappy" please. Otherwise, some minor...

Hmmmge. It's better yeah. But since I'm in proofread/editor mode, it still doesn't fully sit right with me, and I have no capabilities of explaining why atm LMFAO. "And the newly-named" in particular being the thing to throw me off. But don't let that be a hang-up for you. Just let it be for me...

I mean yeah, that makes sense. Having descriptive prose is a standard for writing. I just had a weird feeling about the way Eldoria described it because it felt like some "y/n" type of thing where the narrator isn't supposed to be a character, it's supposed to be you the reader.

Wait what? Since when are first person pov's always supposed to be making the reader the main character? Have I been reading wrong? Was I supposed to be like "ah yes, I am Katniss Everdeen" or something? Because from a cursory glance of the prologue, shit looks proper. Better than the usual...

Hmm. Gotcha. I feel like it'd be a much easier read if you named the two girls immediately: That way it's easier to associate the pronouns with actual characters rather than some void blob of words and ideas. Also that entire paragraph bit for the synopsis is awkward. The latter sentence feels...

Yeah I'm confused with the pronouns. Is Thomas they now because he's two girls or what?

Oh, yeah, this is what I got with Tapas like 10 years ago. Had a very convincing email sent to me about signing me up for a contract. Good thing 16-year-old me was a coward!

>me when i want to read, but the god damn page is nuked