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Thanks! It did feel as if I was missing something; the emotion of the scene is lacking. I think this version does a much better job at showing Sophia's emotions during the confrontation. I'd love your opinion on this one too.

You're right, without context it's hard to grasp. Context: Ex-pornstar has died and been reincarnated as a succubus to save a dying world. Her goal is to become a businesswoman while also fulfilling her role. She has just left a dangerous area and has been picked up by a traveling noble boy...

Hey everyone, I just wrote my first real sex scene for my first novel, and I don't really have any friends who will give me feedback on it. Can you guys let me know if this scene is done in a way that lets you imagine it and how well it flows from one beat to the next?

Thank you for your feedback. While writing the first chapter, I spent more time wrestling with POV and tensing than I did writing it :ROFLMAO:. Glad you like it, will go back and edit that section to fit the POV I want it to. Swapping from DND third to solely first was a big hurdle.

Hello to anyone who may pass by this. I am an amateur writer who decided to start because story crafting DND was too much fun for a weekly session. I've been on the readers' side of manga, web novels, and light novels for almost 10 years at this point. Due to the lack of any large mainstream...