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  1. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    You seem to think that being cool is a set of accoutrements — clothing, a gun, a motorcycle, and a who-cares attitude — but as a result the character you serve up is a mishmash of cliches. Rather than the attire serving the character, the character serves their attire. In short: you come across...
  2. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    This has a good conceit and grabbed my attention when it came past in the newly uploaded category. I think you'll do well with this; the constant dodging of plot leadins is amusing and rewards the reader for knowing the webnovel genre well. Added to reading list. Not until I'm caught up on the...
  3. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your first chapter is workmanlike and fairly decent, but fails to make me feel invested in the characters. It's clear you have the technical skill to get me invested in them — the banter is solid, and there are some stakes at hand (will they capture the alpha before sleepy party member conks out...
  4. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Ah, another SV member! Good to see you. Department of redundancy department. Ouch, this sounds like it'd do a number on your neck. Your fight scene is okay, but the epithets you're using — the raider, the boarder, the bandit — make me sometimes confuse Daulet for some other nameless mook...
  5. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    I'm sorry, but I personally do not do horror as a genre. (I have an anxiety disorder.) However, I have a writer friend who very much does do horror, so I'll pass this along and see if she's willing to crit it. That may take some time to get an answer on though.
  6. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your cover is drab and unattractive — the sepia toning doesn't draw the eye and muddies the figure of the character against the background. Brighter colors would be a relief. Your synopsis, however, is actually quite good; it draws me into the world of the story and gives me a good sense of...
  7. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    The cover is obviously AI and could use a better title font. It gets the conceit across, but I think you could improve on it with use of an AI logoing tool like Ideogram.ai and some basic image editing skills. The title is kind of generic and fails to make me think "genderbent crime thriller"...
  8. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your cover seems a little questionable graphic-design wise, but I quite like the title — it feels fantasy and uniquely flavoured in a way that many titles aren't. Your synopsis fails to make your work stand out from the crowd; It makes me presume you're trying to be Fate/Stay Night, which is a...
  9. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your cover is poor; it's too dark and drab, I can hardly make out what it's a picture of. Your title is vague, and your synopsis seems a bit awkward — are you trying to do an unfiction thing here? If so, you're not capturing my interest. Opening the chapter, I am immediately hit with this...
  10. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Cover is fine, though makes me wonder if it's AI generated. The blurb is vague, but has enough of a hook it captures my interest - I like stories where protagonists decide to leave Earth behind for good of their own will, rather than just being pulled from it for arbitrary reasons - so I'd say...
  11. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Hydra Project first. I'm going to kick the Machiavellian Knight to the back of the queue because it's not fair for you to get multiple critiques when others are getting just one. Right off the bat I'm noticing clunky style. Your grammar is mechanical and has severe issues with flow...
  12. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your cover definitely does need work, but you know it so I won't belabor that. Your blurb is poor; her life changes how? In what manner? Why do I care? I don't have a sense of your character's personality yet. I see you have tagged "ruthless protagonist", but that if anything turns me off. I...
  13. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Your cover is good, it feels unique and attracts my eye. The title is a little generic, but at least tells me exactly what's in the tin. Your blurb feels a little... I think I'd call it stiff. It reads like marketing material, if you get what I'm saying. And it fails to tell me any of the...
  14. goth_dropping_in

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    The thread is presently open for submissions. I critique one piece per person per post. If you post multiple works together I will only critique the first one. Please wait for at least 4 other critiques to pass before presenting a second piece or presenting the same (revised) piece again...
  15. goth_dropping_in

    Feedback for my first novel: The heir of truth

    Your title is fine to good. Your synopsis is terrible; it fails to express any specifics, instead relying on ominous vagueness. Opening your chapter, I'm immediately hit with very purple and over-wrought prose. It reads like you're trying to make it deeply dramatic and cool while having no...
  16. goth_dropping_in

    READ MY MASTERPIECE NOW (RIGHT NOW)

    I really tried to write constructive criticism here, but frankly the issue is that you, the author come off as being a dick. That may not be what you intended to write, but it speaks for itself. The ego boiling off your synopsis is so intense as to immediately turn me off the novel, as it...
  17. goth_dropping_in

    roasting an action novel

    It's serviceable. Your chapter titles could use proper capitalization, it looks sloppy and is likely turning people off. Your synopsis is fine; though it lacks flair, it at least communicates the thrust of the novel well. The opening situation hooks me. I got three chapters in before I started...
  18. goth_dropping_in

    Suggestions please

    Wonderful, a shill thread! A Housepet's Trade is a smut series I've recently completed book 1 of. It's about a girl (Hyacinth) who's reincarnated into the housepet gender in a new world, and her dominant, Liath, a succubus (gender) with a thing for sadism. Both of them are girls with dicks in...
  19. goth_dropping_in

    What are your Smut hidden gems?

    My personal favorite of others' work is Trouble With Horns, but it's very big. I need to read more of the genre, to be frank. To blatantly shill my own stuff, there's A Housepet's Trade, which is dickgirl pet!sub x dickgirl sadist!domme with magical healing, and has a secondary progression...
  20. goth_dropping_in

    Is It Normal to Have Literally Zero Views on Day 1?

    In my opinion, your cover is weak (not the right genre of cover for scribblehub, anime art is more preferred) and your synopsis does little to separate your story from many other similar LitRPG Harem situations. Reading your introductory chapter, it's dark and gives little hope of things...
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