Search results

That's actually my fault, and I should've known based on the fact that you straight up said fly at one point (not sure how I missed that). I took a look at the previous chapter as well, and can see the readers wouldn't get confused with what was actually happening based on what they would've...

I’ve read a few of your chapters already, and I want to say I've seen how often you're in here asking for help and I respect the amount of effort you've put in to improve as a writer. Because of that, I’ll attempt to compliment you a bit less, and focus more on what pulled me out as a reader...

Do you mean chapter 10? Or are you releasing 11 soon?

Getting to you today. What specific chapter do you want me to read?

Really been distracted with writing, so sorry about how long this took/how little I actually said during this. The fact you only have two readers is honestly surprising to me, given not only how intriguing the hook was, but how fast paced it felt. I started writing as a screenplay writer, so I...

This is most definitely my least clear one so far, so I'm sorry about this. Wrote this before work one day and bits during it the next day. I feel like you have a great ability to make characters compelling in the small amount of time we have with them. But I want to point out that, just like...

I actually really enjoyed this, even kind of expecting what would come by the end of the chapter. Classic “needs the money to pay for a sick sister” trope, but I’m a sucker for those so it worked for me. Most of your problems in my opinion stem from craft issues more than story fluidity. I do...

I’m not going to start by pointing out all the small craft details to keep you from feeling overwhelmed, but the biggest problem I struggled with as a reader with this is trying to figure out how the character felt in the moment. If you have additional questions or want something expanded on...

Feel like I didn't fully address what you asked feedback wise, sorry. This isn't meant to be a "your approach is wrong," but more so it currently isn't working imo, and this is the only way I could come up with to fix it. Feel free to tell me if I went overboard at all, or if you want me to work...

I’ll lead off by saying I don’t really enjoy super emotionless characters (which the character came off to me as), so this is coming from a somewhat unfair perspective for your story: Daniel comes off a bit cold and uncaring about the world, but if you don’t want to make him feel like a psycho...

First, I want to say I needed more context just to give you a proper review, and because your chapters were so short overall, I went ahead and just read the first three. You have a distinct voice and I assume based on what I’ve read so far you have a plan in mind for the lore. The best quality I...

I went through three of yours since they were so short, and you had the decency to proofread it first. I'll get back to you once I get back home from work.

I'll read the first chapter of your story. I'm a better reader than a writer, so my points will be focused on how it made me feel than a super in depth analysis. As such, don't expect developmental level dissection: it'll just be a wall of text about what I liked and didn't like. I also have a...

The goal was to rewrite the specific chapter that she linked in her original post. I'm pretty sure you just posted your own story. Are you asking to queue yours up, or did you misunderstand what the challenge was about?

I can't tell what timezones are on this site, but hopefully I'm not too late because It's an interesting idea. The 600 word limit was brutal as well, so hopefully it came out a little less clunky than I think it did: “What happened to it?” I asked, staring at the ruins of the Ashen chapel. It...

Biggest thing I do is write where the jokes are supposed to go before hand, and just come back to work on them after I'm done with the chapter. They usually start off pretty unfunny, but after an hour or two of working on them they're still not funny.

I feel like I’ve pretty much read most of your story based on how much of it you’ve posted in the forums. I’ll say that this is your best one that I’ve seen so far, both dialogue and chemistry wise with the characters (I know you asked about prose specifically, but I just wanted to put that in)...

If I messed up anything in my feedback or misunderstood anything, feel free to let me know: 1. I've cried at gaming montages with sad music, so keep that in mind before I continue. I started out pretty uninterested in their relationship. Guy comes in, saves the woman, and then she falls in love...

I’ll start off by saying I’m pretty terrible at writing children characters myself, so I can give you more advice based on how I felt than anything technical. Probably three or four. Affectionate, curious, easily distracted, impulsive possibly, and the innocent lens of the chapter (not fully...

I'm okay with fragments usually, but I feel like you overused them a bit here. Like when you say The arena — the only place where his pouch could get heavier. Why can't it just be The arena was the only place where his pouch could get heavier? And with "He lifted his feet up to see what it was—...