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  1. R

    I need opinions on this dialogue

    Good time of day, everyone. Apologies for bothering you. I need pointers if the dialogue in this segment sounds unnatural or too repetitive or if it has any other problems. It takes place at the start of a confrontation between the main antagonist and the MC's leader. "King" and "Wyrm Lord: are...
  2. R

    Offering Critiques [Open for submissions, adult works welcome]

    Hello! Thank you for your kind offer. If it is okay, could you please say if the story is readable (in terms of grammar) and why it is terrible? https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/overcome.144323/#post-35415779
  3. R

    For new authors

    Just to be clear, that was my bad. I read the first Cione as a Clone. Sorry. Honestly, no idea. I use Italic. But other authors have their own styles.
  4. R

    For new authors

    As usual, before we continue, keep in mind that I'm by far the worst writer around here, so take any of my suggestions with distrust. This comes as inner thoughts of the character. I recommend marking them something like: The empty space between sentences comes as unneeded, unless you plan to...
  5. R

    I'm on a once in a while, criticism spree

    Yep, that's the title. It is my side project while I'm writing my main novel here on ScribbleHub. Once it is done, I'll post Overcome here. Sorry for the bother.
  6. R

    For new authors

    Ha, it's like clockwork! Always the same pattern. I recommend not exchanging insults or engaging in dialogue with them, as this bunch is vengeful (I remember one author complaining after these fellows went after them and used review bombings). It's easy enough to understand their intentions...
  7. R

    For new authors

    Hello! Not a new writer, but I have spare time on my hands today. Just be aware that I'm the worst writer around here, so take any of my suggestions with care. Let's start with your cover and synopsis. The cover is good. Read the bolded part out loud. It doesn't roll off the tongue. Let's try...
  8. R

    I'm on a once in a while, criticism spree

    Good day to you. Thank you for your kind offer. Here's a link to my latest story: https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/overcome.144323/#post-35415779
  9. R

    Today I wrote 11k words.

    You're awesome! Keep that passion, glance at your work before posting it and may you find yourself tons of grateful readers. You go, fellow human.
  10. R

    Is this a poor way to handle the explanation of certain parts of the lore?

    Sorry to bother you, but I need your opinion on the knowledge dump chapter. Could you please tell me how awful it is and if the text is readable? (Takes place in chapter 7 and the entire 8th chapter).
  11. R

    I NEED FEEDBACK!!!!

    Hello! Before I begin, keep in mind that I'm the worst writer around these parts, so take any of my advice with caution. With that out of the way: We have no reason to care for the MC. Think about LOTR and its merry celebration at the beginning. Or Super Minion, and how the MC escapes...
  12. R

    A noble dismantling the ruling class

    One thing I noticed is about dialogues: It should be “Thanks for the fire,” I said, exhaling a plume of smoke, and waited for him to bring up the topic again, a silent challenge in the air. He did. Since "speaking" action comes before "physical action. Next: And I think you should mark...
  13. R

    First novel, would like some feedback on what I should improve.

    One thing I noticed is: He grumbled. He conjured. He muttered. Too many he. Unless you are hiding the character's identity on purpose (and there's no reason for it based on what I had read), try using a name and adding an action to differentiate dialogues by the same character. But do keep in...
  14. R

    Converted my novel to webnov format. Am I going in the right direction?

    Please keep in mind that I'm by far the worst writer around these parts, but one thing that I've noticed is the overuse of the word "like." Your first chapter is under 1 300 words, yet you used "like" around 21 times. Take a curiosity or gaming approach to your chapters; let yourself wonder how...
  15. R

    NEW CHAPTER OF DARKER OBSESSION HAS BEEN RELEASED PLEASE DO GIVE YOUR VALUABLE FEDBACK WEATHER ITS HARSH TRUTH OR SUGGESTION.??

    Since this is a feedback thread: What is the reason for such a huge space between paragraphs? What does time smell like? And why the word "still" here? Maybe, "books not touched in years." I know, it sounds awful, but time doesn't smell! What? Okay, walk me throw this. Is the stench of...
  16. R

    How bad are the dialogue and action here?

    No, the fifth chapter.
  17. R

    How bad are the dialogue and action here?

    Sorry to bother you, but I need a fresh perspective about my current side project. How bad are the dialogue, scene transitions, and action in this excerpt? Do I skip on description, or maybe overly describe things? Does my vocabulary come off as poor? Am I repeating words too much, or is it...
  18. R

    SH and censorship

    Let people read what they enjoy.
  19. R

    I'll review first chapters... ?

    Thank you for your input! About AI. I've first written the story in my native language, then used Google Translate to bring it into English (instead of writing the story in English right away, as I've done with every other novel so far.). Then I've changed a word here and there (replaced killed...
  20. R

    I'll review first chapters... ?

    Thank you for your kind offer! Here's my first three chapters on a story that I'm writing in my spare time: Any input is welcomed. And apologies for the poor quality of the work, I'm still learning how to be a writer and so far the worst writer around these parts. If that is important...
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