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Alright, I can start with the concept score here. So let's pick at "They killed my father" here. It's a durable revenge plot, but it is common as fuck all. Like, yes, it immediately places everybody in familiar territory for a revenge plot, kind of like Gladiator and John Wick. That ain't bad...

:blobsip:

So the title to this thread says this: Competitive straightforward biased blunt reviewer here If I were to go off of that title, I'd say this is all intended to be for fun. So if this isn't your idea of fun, I'd suggest not dipping another toe into the pool if it's affecting you that poorly...

Ever notice what "A for Effort" means? Phonetically, it's all there. You've got "A"... "for"... but the last bit, that little "t", is missing. That's what crosses the whole effort, literally finishing the job. And here's the catch: effort alone doesn't hand you an A when there's still work to be...

I only had two fingers of vodka, but that might've been enough for me to not comprehend what snappy means here. I know what it means, but not in the context of that narrative. Wait... maybe I do? See, when I see something as snappy, I think of it fitting together, but that's not what I saw when...

This is good. If you haven't seen those series, then let's touch on an older franchise like... okay, Star Wars? First arc: getting the fuck out of Tatooine. There's One Piece's island hopping right there. :blobthumbsup:

That... that took me a few rereads to grasp who was chasing what. :blob_dizzy: We're lacking a lot here, but something crucial would be a mirror or something to anchor us. Right now, we're still floating on that dreamy hill. He works at a school? Teacher? Janitor? Or is this part-time work...

It's a 5.5 overall? I don't suppose you could simplify the reasons based on each subtracted point? If not, it's cool; not my novel.

Figured as much, but what is the deal with that? Like... why? Why are they writing like that? Is this a new trend I missed out on?

Right now? This reads like you are describing a trailer, not writing a trailer for the main event. Like, it feels like a list rather than something you constructed around something much bigger; a teaser still needs rhythm to feel alive, like the beat of a heart. This though? This is one image...

What's your definition of a story arc?

Concept: 7 out of 10. Execution: 5 out of 10.

What is this thread? @Nolff Are you some sort of masochist, baiting people here to ping you up the ass or something? :blob_hmm:

@SenseiHusky Here, this fella is willing to rate your stuff. :blobthumbsup:

First off? You weren't lying about the intent. Yeesh, this isn't edge for edge's sake here. You got a through-line of fear that's got teeth and it's hungry. Look at how it uses that fear as theology, as a political weapon, and as a psychological infection. That's pretty real for a theme, and...

Careful about hijacking someone else's thread, there. :blob_okay: Hey, may I ask you a question about this dialogue? I've noticed quite a few people now are doing this and I'm not sure why they create a break between the same character who's still speaking. See what I mean here?