Hello everyone! This is my first novel, and I’d like to invite you all to give it a read. I’m open to any feedback and criticism.

Hello everyone! This is my first novel, and I’d like to invite you all to give it a read. I’m open to any feedback and criticism.

cool cover, I guess.
going to list your tropes/tags?

The night was unusually quiet.

A strange pressure hung over the city. Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath.

Then, exactly at 00:00…

The sky cracked.

It truly cracked.

Like invisible glass shattering, massive purple fracturesspread across the sky. The stars trembled, and fragments of light began falling from the heavens.

People stepped out into the streets. Phones were raised.

Some thought it was a meteor shower.

But then…

A voice was heard.

Not through the ears, but directly inside the mind.

A deep, clear voice that reached the entire world at once.

Click to expand...

Try again.
Properly
this time.

AI cover, you're not an artist.

Peagreene said:

AI cover, you're not an artist.

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he's talking about his novel, not his cover

Nneeil said:

he's talking about his novel, not his cover

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Just in case he started to get comfortable.

Nneeil said:

he's talking about his novel, not his cover

Click to expand...

He is posting in the Artists section, though... Also no link to the novel, only the cover. Also no details about what the novel even is, though the title already points towards LitRPG power fantasy turned to 11, which... eh, not what I'm looking for, so I'll see myself out.

Arkus86 said:

He is posting in the Artists section, though... Also no link to the novel, only the cover. Also no details about what the novel even is, though the title already points towards LitRPG power fantasy turned to 11, which... eh, not what I'm looking for, so I'll see myself out.

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just noticed, but yeah no link to the novel or anything else... I wonder if he expected everyone to simply go look it up

This might be one of those internet mysteries. Like Cicada.
@Makimaam : how did you get a text sample. I can't get anything on the search by title name.

I did find this, though...
YingYan : Of course, this will also depend on your support.

I'm trying to read the tea leaves here.

Moved the thread to story feedback.

Also, link your story so people don't have to look it up. It'll help you get more clicks.

TinaMigarlo said:

cool cover, I guess.
going to list your tropes/tags?

Click to expand...

Makimaam said:

Try again.
Properly
this time.

Click to expand...

Nneeil said:

he's talking about his novel, not his cover

Click to expand...

Peagreene said:

Just in case he started to get comfortable.

Click to expand...

Arkus86 said:

He is posting in the Artists section, though... Also no link to the novel, only the cover. Also no details about what the novel even is, though the title already points towards LitRPG power fantasy turned to 11, which... eh, not what I'm looking for, so I'll see myself out.

Click to expand...

Zinless said:

Moved the thread to story feedback.

Also, link your story so people don't have to look it up. It'll help you get more clicks.

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Dude... the members here already care enough about your thread. But if you don't reply, provide clarification, or fix it, how are we supposed to care?

Peagreene said:

Just in case he started to get comfortable.

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hahahaha, that's diabolical

I guess peagreene won't be doing an indepth review then.
there goes one dream OP might have had.

It might be none of my business, but I’ll post the link on your behalf.
I want to use my time as productively as possible.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2222469/aetherbound-infinite-evolution/
The introduction is easy to follow in terms of information, but overall it reads more like explanation than an actual scene.
In particular, the protagonist’s individuality and the unique sense of strangeness that should belong to this world are still quite weak, so it currently feels within the range of familiar LitRPG tropes.

If the story has its own distinctive edge, it might be stronger to show it earlier—not only through the explanation of the hidden system, but also through the protagonist’s perspective, the unsettling nature of the world, or possible costs and consequences of the abilities.

Since many LitRPG stories today share very similar structures, revealing “something unique to this story” at an early stage would likely make it much more engaging for readers.

TinaMigarlo said:

I guess peagreene won't be doing an indepth review then.
there goes one dream OP might have had.

Click to expand...

How they'll cope with it, idk.

K_Nishi said:

It might be none of my business, but I’ll post the link on your behalf.
I want to use my time as productively as possible.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2222469/aetherbound-infinite-evolution/
The introduction is easy to follow in terms of information, but overall it reads more like explanation than an actual scene.
In particular, the protagonist’s individuality and the unique sense of strangeness that should belong to this world are still quite weak, so it currently feels within the range of familiar LitRPG tropes.

If the story has its own distinctive edge, it might be stronger to show it earlier—not only through the explanation of the hidden system, but also through the protagonist’s perspective, the unsettling nature of the world, or possible costs and consequences of the abilities.

Since many LitRPG stories today share very similar structures, revealing “something unique to this story” at an early stage would likely make it much more engaging for readers.

Click to expand...

Wow, I genuinely respect your effort here. Hats off to you, mate!

K_Nishi said:

It might be none of my business, but I’ll post the link on your behalf.
I want to use my time as productively as possible.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2222469/aetherbound-infinite-evolution/
The introduction is easy to follow in terms of information, but overall it reads more like explanation than an actual scene.
In particular, the protagonist’s individuality and the unique sense of strangeness that should belong to this world are still quite weak, so it currently feels within the range of familiar LitRPG tropes.

If the story has its own distinctive edge, it might be stronger to show it earlier—not only through the explanation of the hidden system, but also through the protagonist’s perspective, the unsettling nature of the world, or possible costs and consequences of the abilities.

Since many LitRPG stories today share very similar structures, revealing “something unique to this story” at an early stage would likely make it much more engaging for readers.

Click to expand...

okay. disclaimer, I don't read LitRPG or cultivation or whatnot.
still, being in WN land. Not like I'm not around it.
Blurb reads decent, like the exciting print on the back cover of a paperback on the shelf.
OP nailed that whole epic talk thing to it.
"to challenge the gods... is he to save the universe, or destroy it..."

cover is cool enough.
Hey, anytime there's not an anime girl on the cover?
I call it "daring" and "different", lol.
oh, what the hell. Maybe just a peek into chappie one:

I wonder things.

from the roof.

How does MC know the other screens are blue.

I thought he was... alone.

i admit.

Normally the MC just makes up in the game.

Here, whole world wakes up and IS the game.

Decent twist.

Marrying it to mythology/religion.

Is anyone ever going to do this kind of novel?

With paragraphs.
---------------------------------
YinYang, I can hardly blame him one bit.

He studied the most popular WN's and distilled what seems to be the most popular. He's not dumb, doing that. Perhaps he even wants to use real paragraphs, but the *system* doesn't like that. Perhaps he *wants* real sentences, but again, the *system* hates that. It pushes back, and lets you know. He doesn't want accused of navel-gazing. He doesn't want accused of meandering. No useless flowery sentences or any of those long boring paragraphs that require *real* readers, to skim and skip over them. No, he knows how WN's are done "correctly".

Back where I came from before landing here, the lads would have called this "a master class in web slopping, bravo!". Watch what's trending and scorching up RS fast and making numbers quickly. Choose that genre, and those tropes/tags that are giving performance. YinYang ticked those checkboxes all off. Originality? Only a certain amount of that is allowed in the *system*. OP assembled all the most popular tropes and tags, and added just one or two things, to claim his originality points. Here, the world awakens in thh system. Not just the MC. Ordinary boring person for MC? Check. No screwing around for an opening. Put the MC or betetr yet the whole world in peril? With sentence one! Check. The Fantasy-Fiction-Formula is being adhered to. The web-novel is being done... correctly.

This puppy might set RR on fire, who knows.

This guys biggest problem might be where to spend all those *sweet* patreon bucks.

Short choppy sentences. Check.

One sentence paragraphs. Check.
[meandering has been neutralized]

Sentence one, immediate peril. Check.
[fantasy fic formula. activated]

Boring gamer dude for MC. Check.
[self insert, activated]

MC is obviously going to be massively OP. Check.

No preamble. Dude no one cares.

Just cold open on action.
[slaughter in the streets. game on.]

All he's missing? Is the big boobie girlfriend.
who likes to sit there looking up with soft doe eyes.
between his curb stomping rampages, watching his power grow... grow... grow.

YinYang looked at what the market responds to.
This.
-------------------------------------
OP?
good job.
you're doing litRPG "correctly".

decent AI cover.
tropes and tags, checked off.
no obvious spelling/grammar problems at a quick glance.
This is high quality slop.

toss in some titties, you got a winner.

TinaMigarlo said:

okay. disclaimer, I don't read LitRPG or cultivation or whatnot.
still, being in WN land. Not like I'm not around it.
Blurb reads decent, like the exciting print on the back cover of a paperback on the shelf.
OP nailed that whole epic talk thing to it.
"to challenge the gods... is he to save the universe, or destroy it..."

cover is cool enough.
Hey, anytime there's not an anime girl on the cover?
I call it "daring" and "different", lol.
oh, what the hell. Maybe just a peek into chappie one:

I wonder things.

from the roof.

How does MC know the other screens are blue.

I thought he was... alone.

i admit.

Normally the MC just makes up in the game.

Here, whole world wakes up and IS the game.

Decent twist.

Marrying it to mythology/religion.

Is anyone ever going to do this kind of novel?

With paragraphs.
---------------------------------
YinYang, I can hardly blame him one bit.

He studied the most popular WN's and distilled what seems to be the most popular. He's not dumb, doing that. Perhaps he even wants to use real paragraphs, but the *system* doesn't like that. Perhaps he *wants* real sentences, but again, the *system* hates that. It pushes back, and lets you know. He doesn't want accused of navel-gazing. He doesn't want accused of meandering. No useless flowery sentences or any of those long boring paragraphs that require *real* readers, to skim and skip over them. No, he knows how WN's are done "correctly".

Back where I came from before landing here, the lads would have called this "a master class in web slopping, bravo!". Watch what's trending and scorching up RS fast and making numbers quickly. Choose that genre, and those tropes/tags that are giving performance. YinYang ticked those checkboxes all off. Originality? Only a certain amount of that is allowed in the *system*. OP assembled all the most popular tropes and tags, and added just one or two things, to claim his originality points. Here, the world awakens in thh system. Not just the MC. Ordinary boring person for MC? Check. No screwing around for an opening. Put the MC or betetr yet the whole world in peril? With sentence one! Check. The Fantasy-Fiction-Formula is being adhered to. The web-novel is being done... correctly.

This puppy might set RR on fire, who knows.

This guys biggest problem might be where to spend all those *sweet* patreon bucks.

Short choppy sentences. Check.

One sentence paragraphs. Check.
[meandering has been neutralized]

Sentence one, immediate peril. Check.
[fantasy fic formula. activated]

Boring gamer dude for MC. Check.
[self insert, activated]

MC is obviously going to be massively OP. Check.

No preamble. Dude no one cares.

Just cold open on action.
[slaughter in the streets. game on.]

All he's missing? Is the big boobie girlfriend.
who likes to sit there looking up with soft doe eyes.
between his curb stomping rampages, watching his power grow... grow... grow.

YinYang looked at what the market responds to.
This.
-------------------------------------
OP?
good job.
you're doing litRPG "correctly".

decent AI cover.
tropes and tags, checked off.
no obvious spelling/grammar problems at a quick glance.
This is high quality slop.

toss in some titties, you got a winner.

Click to expand...

screw it.
I'm going and giving this puppy, five stars. (I'm not kidding)
back where I came from, this is how WN's are supposed to be done.
me, I'm the one with a screw loose.
this guy, gets it.
I don't.

first review, best review.
5 stars, YinYang.

Peagreene said:

How they'll cope with it, idk.

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when he's buying a top of the line gaming laptop with all those *sweet* RR patreon bucks?
he'll somehow get over that particular angst-filled existential crisis.

TinaMigarlo said:

first review, best review.
5 stars, YinYang.

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hope i get a review swap out of it.
and if I do, I hope its on "the bad stuff".
(in literature, that's known as "foreshadowing". Knowing is half the battle, kids)