Andriod Phone
Samsung Internet
Canada
Amazon "you've won" page
Ad pops up entirely on its own needing to back away off the page to get rid of. The worst kind of popup.
fixing some of the spacing, and the one sentence was definitely a run on.
Gonna fix "It was perpetual self feeding heat" to "Plasma was a perpetual self feeding heat" just to make it more straightforward.
Definitely need more screen time for Rei to flesh her out. She's only got two chapters so...
He was so much fun to write. Also I run a pathfinder/starfinder game based on this setting and he hires a 2nd group(the players) to find this one. He's technically fully off screen for that game but his weak willed brother is eventually present.
Thanks, I struggled a bunch with that first chapter and writing between 1st and 3rd person perspectives, I think my later chapters do a better job at it though. I wanted the writing to have Zarine's own brand of sass behind it, but I can probably do that more with liberal use of italics and her...
Hey, I'm looking for some feedback or constructive criticism and maybe even discussion on my story to help me maintain motivation. Also wether or not I should add Isekai as one of my tags (for more views). I may also add girls love depending on how my next chapter goes, though unsure yet.
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