Recent content by Grizzly18

Well first off we can’t give a rating without a post. Moving on from that without knowing more about what the story is about I can’t give any real judgements about the cover. I will say it does look interesting but without context I can’t give a real evaluation.

They already mentioned it but sound can be cancelled out if you invert the amplitude basically causing the soundwave to flitter out. Discordant noise is also a good idea like a louder version of jazz or maybe something extra loud like an airplane engine or a bass speaker. Also look into the...

I find the fact you don’t have any backups at all besides whats posted extremely suspicious. You didn’t save one anywhere else?

The mouse isn’t as trigger happy as say the Japanese company that shall not be named that owns the IP for the red plumber the boy in the green tunic and the monster fighting game, but I would say unless it’s a fan fiction where you’re writing a fan fiction about Star Wars you should be fine...

Dolores Umbridge is definitely up there. She’s evil but not kill babies evil. She’s institutional evil the evil that exists because of bureaucracy and sycophancy. There’s Joker for the pure psychopathy. But there’s also guys like Hannibal Lector, Norman Bates from Psycho, or Patrick Bateman...

Write out your plot line in bulleted points try to clump them together into logical groups.

“Eyes are the windows to the soul.” Yakusu is right. Take your MC’s character traits do a deep dive on what colors mean in various cultures and throughout history and match what your MC is like characterwise to the colors. Just two is limiting but you can use light from the environment to change...

Blue and gray

Honestly I think complaints about passive/active voice are bullish!t. I’ve been told by teachers and professors for years that I write in the passive voice too much but I don’t see the difference.

Okay first off you need to change the name of the world. Avalorn? Seriously? I tried to type it in and autocorrect automatically changed it to Avalon. You know that mystical realm related to the King Arthur myth? You added a single letter. Very Original. Alaric is okay and falls into the...

Honestly not a bad idea but the not remembering anything is kinda a deal breaker. It could also be horror with someone remembering everything just imagine dozens or hundreds of years of collective memory. It could drive anybody insane. Unless it’s only a short story, I don’t think the not...

Not an author just a long time reader so my opinion might not hold the same weight. In my experience people who post more than one story at a time fall into a couple categories. One either they are a very talented writer who successfully writes multiple stories and keeps them updated reliably...

Then I’d take a look at your writing before posting or get a proofreader or editor to read your stuff before posting it.

According to the internet the upper middle and lower dantian already exist in the bodies as the vessels which essence is taken and turned into qi. So maybe your lore can start with everyone having only one as an excuse to make one? I will say that in most wuxia manwha there’s only one dantian at...

Honestly it looks great ?