Recent content by GreenStudio

  1. GreenStudio

    [CLOSED] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3 (read the rules)

    You might remember me. I'm not sure if this is allowed but I made a ton of changes to my story and would like to know your thoughts. Totally get it if your answer is no. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2244075/cursed-crowned-crimson/ And my prime number is 71.
  2. GreenStudio

    [IMG] Alice Inari from my series.:blob_aww:

    Alice Inari from my series.:blob_aww:
  3. GreenStudio

    Thoughts on pure Slice of Life?

    Personally, as long as the dialogue is fun and I can tell who's who, I'll enjoy it. Doesn't' matter the genre or the plot or how deep the world is. Watching people talk has always been a hobby of mine.:blob_melt: But yeah, most people would probably prefer a deeper world. I'll never forgive...
  4. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    I just made revisions to all of these. I also completely changed the turning point with the gun to make it less cringe and more "interesting." I'm still learning. I'm always incorporating what I hear. I just end up asking a lot of questions to get the most clarity I can. Sorry if I made anyone...
  5. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Thank you, man. This is some critique I can get behind.
  6. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    This is 100% correct. The problem at hand though is that you keep separating the narrator and Akuma. They are one in the same. The only reason I chose 3rd person limited instead of 1st person is to give distance. Now this I can get behind. I had thought I did this with this moment here: I'll...
  7. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Lol. Believe me, I know these people are crazy. Unfortunately, my story features many, many gods and beliefs. The main villains are literally angels. At some point I'd have to reveal the truth. I know it'll offend a lot of people, but I'm not here to masquerade my story under the guise of...
  8. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    You're the second person to express dislike about the intro. I understand that it doesn't really mesh with an ordinary world, but that's exactly why I added it. So the reader can know that there was world beyond this one. That way when this scene pops us: It works as foreshadowing to the fact...
  9. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    I can get behind that. I do hold out on Akuma to keep him at a distance. It's a double edged sword.
  10. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Just a little. Mostly, why did you assume the Pov was omniscient? It is a limited. Even in the intro, the narrator is constantly speaking in Akuma's voice. I'm also hesitant on your advice for the dialogue. You completely changed Akuma's character to be more expressive. I also find your...
  11. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    Thank you for this, greatly. I really do appreciate you taking the time to go through my story and share your thoughts like this. You've given me tons of ideas already.
  12. GreenStudio

    Could I get your honest thoughts?

    The way Mushoku shows Rudeus' inability to naturally feel things because of his over the top self-awareness. He constantly overthinks and subtly distances himself. Until his wall slowly fall thanks to those around him. I try to do the same with my mc. Touma's whole hero aesthetic. He was tossed...
  13. GreenStudio

    Low attention span reviews and ratings [Open]

    I see your point. I'll definitely look it over once again and see what I can do. And sorry if it came off as debating, I really was just curious.
  14. GreenStudio

    Low attention span reviews and ratings [Open]

    Why did orcboy withhold this information from me?
  15. GreenStudio

    Low attention span reviews and ratings [Open]

    How did you change the title under your name and pfp? I wanna say thanks for taking the time to read my story.
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