I just wrote peak( honestly) and i dare any of you to prove me wrong!

[Danielbanda]

Yeah, just as the caption above states, I indeed have written peak fiction( in my head of course).

That said, I would like to hear your thoughts on the story, even if it just 2 chapters in.
Give me critiques on the Mc, originality, pacing, world, grammar and the like, cause at the end of the day the reader's opinion matters

A continuous Dream - Chapter 1 | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Meyaow]

Having read your first chapter, and being thoroughly honest with you, I can't say that I'm too impressed or that I know what you want to achieve with this chapter/story. However, this feedback I'm going to share with you comes from someone seriously unexperienced, please keep that in mind.

Feedback (Where ya can improve):
- Grounding: So far, I've understood where this chapter is set, who we're following and where we are currently, but that's just about it from my perspective. It feels as if you as the author can vividly see what you're writing while we the reader are left out. What does it look like usually? Is there a night sky where Prince Idel is at, nothing spilling out of the curtains, or is it a fiery red that bathes the entire sky? How does it feel to be in there, is the air always warm? Is it cold? --Of course, these do not have to be answered right away, but I fear that this chapter spends too little time grounding the reader before immediately moving onto the next scene, something to be weary of at least.

- Chapter's Purpose: While I was reading the first chapter, a single thought kept arriving in my mind; What are we doing? What will we do? Why are we doing this? I'm not one to speak since I haven't published any books, only written to myself, but stories tend to hook readers with a sort of promise from the very get-go. It promises the readers on the themes and what to expect from their story without saying it out loud. I think your story would benefit immensely from a sort of prologue because currently, it's just: Prince Idel is in his bed -> Exposition about his status among the realm -> Dream Realm -> Something goes wrong. Do you see where readers could potentially not see the future vision of story? As readers, I believe we should always be asking "What will happen next?" and as authors, we should be delivering those breadcrumbs one by one, eventually leading to a whole loaf of payoff.

- Descriptions: Kinda goes hand in hand with the Grounding feedback, but it's the lack of descriptive imagery that really bogs this chapter down from being appealing for me. I'm sort of an imaginist so all I do when reading is imagine the scenes unfolding in front of me, some may differ. When you introduce Idel, we know he is frail and slothful from the prose, but what else do we know of him? He's short, but what else does he look like? Human-like? Red Skin? Horns? You have such a compelling setting that would really benefit these types of expression, even a small "his scarlet skin" or whatever would be sufficient in imagery. Stay imaginative, be bombastic with your descriptions.

But that's just my unqualified opinion. If I got anything wrong, do feel free to correct and grill into me about it, but keep in mind I've only read the first chapter of your story.

Good luck!

 

[Danielbanda]

Hands down, your criticism is valid.
To be candid, am not that much of a descriptive writer, atleast not as deep as you expect me. However, you have to pardon me cause going into this story I was kinda leaning on to the saying "Trust in the readers intellect, do not spell everything for them, and most importantly let their imagination take control."

I know at first glance this sounds deplorable cause what do I mean let the reader's imagination take control?

If that is the case then why write the story?

Well, according to me, I describe a novel as a portle or gateway to a world full of adventures, and, I, as the author need only to cast the key and give it to the reader. Then, it is up to them to twist and turn in attempt to open the gateway.

As for chapter's purpose in all fairness, the only thing that I agree with you is the exposition but even it serves the overall purpose of the chapter: getting to know about Idel’s current struggle. Anything that was left out was as i willed it.

Adding a prologue is in fact a good idea though, that I cannot deny.

Well, that said, thanks for sparing time to read the chapter...and my apologies for it not being your cup of tea, mate.

 

[Meyaow]

Hands down, your criticism is valid.
To be candid, am not that much of a descriptive writer, atleast not as deep as you expect me. However, you have to pardon me cause going into this story I was kinda leaning on to the saying "Trust in the readers intellect, do not spell everything for them, and most importantly let their imagination take control."

I know at first glance this sounds deplorable cause what do I mean let the reader's imagination take control?

If that is the case then why write the story?

Well, according to me, I describe a novel as a portle or gateway to a world full of adventures, and, I, as the author need only to cast the key and give it to the reader. Then, it is up to them to twist and turn in attempt to open the gateway.

As for chapter's purpose in all fairness, the only thing that I agree with you is the exposition but even it serves the overall purpose of the chapter: getting to know about Idel’s current struggle. Anything that was left out was as i willed it.

Adding a prologue is in fact a good idea though, that I cannot deny.

Well, that said, thanks for sparing time to read the chapter...and my apologies for it not being your cup of tea, mate.

I'm glad to here there are merits in my criticism, and there is no need for apologies, even if it's not up my alley I do wish to give people honest feedback when no one else will.

As for the descriptive writer comment, I'm not sure if the way I learned it is practical, but when I was first starting out (about 3 years ago now) I used to describe scenes that I would see on a daily basis, like the sunset by my neighbourhood swings and how it felt being there, y'know? If it helps ya.

I certainly see it now that you've mentioned what the chapter is for, but it should be extremely clear that it is delving into his struggle right from the get-go. If the readers miss it from the very start, it'll no doubt sour their reading experience and interpretation for your work.

Take these aspects into careful consideration and happy writing, I'm always a message away if you need more feedback, meyaow.