Low attention span reviews and ratings [Open]

[Lufli]

You must be tired. Here, take a seat .

 

[Eryxoo]

There is no strict format for my feedback, but here is my general approach:

1. I read your synopsis, then I read Chapter 1 until I stop. That could be the first paragraph, or it could be the entire chapter. If it interests me, due to personal preference, I will continue to the next chapters.
2. I will tell you why I stopped if I think it might be constructive for you. When I don’t, it is usually along the lines of: I think you have a lot to work on and I am not qualified or patient enough to be your writing coach, or I don’t want to read generic, worldly, unedited AI-assisted content. I won’t use an AI checker, not that they are reliable anyway, so I will not accuse anyone of using it. I simply don’t want to continue reading.
3. If I make it to the end of the first chapter with my low attention span, which is difficult, I will give you a 5-star rating. Even if a piece doesn’t grab me til the end, I’ll give it 5 stars if I think it’s outstanding. I don’t rate anything lower than 5 stars.
4. If I really, really enjoy the work, I will give a constructive (or try to) review, and it can include criticism. But for me to write an essay about it, I have to like it first.

About me:

I am not going to brag about what qualifies me as a feedback giver. I will outright tell you that my feedback is subjective, personal, and it does not necessarily mean you are a bad writer if I stopped reading. It simply means the work did not interest me.

Here's mine, Her Last Rain this is my first novel so I don't know that much about writing, anyway I'll appreciate any feedbacks you might have :)

Have a good day...

 

[Makimaam]

Care to try my story out?

Link?

Oh, man, yes please!

Gaia Gone

Nature wants to evolve. The Government and Big Pharma are making a profit by stopping it. In the middle of it all, are regular people, going about their lives, trying to live the best they can. Who needs a hero when you got neighbors like these?

www.scribblehub.com

Dead link.

Hi! Im a new author so any feedback is much appreciated. Thanks.

Spoiler: My Work

Villainess of Stolen Destinies

Lilithra’s story should have ended on Earth. One moment she was a tired young woman with a life going nowhere, and the next she was waking up in the dying body of a succubus villainess — a girl whose fate had already been sealed long before she arrived. The original...

www.scribblehub.com

Not a fan of the prose. Dropped.

 

[GreenStudio]

Link?

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2244075/cursed-crowned-crimson/

 

[Makimaam]

I don't know if you would read an early that starts the begining of story or not. But If you do, could you also do my story :

After Returning From Another World, My Sister Became Obsessed With Me [Rework]

'What is the most precious thing in the world? For me, it was 'home' ... until I burned it to the ground.' A single mistake I've done cost me everything, my parents' lives, my face scarred by Disgusting burns, and my sister’s ability to walk. For years, Rika looked...

www.scribblehub.com

I would like to start by saying I disliked the prose the moment I set eyes on it. Everything is overly dramatized to the point of being on the nose. The way you describe emotion, the tone, the action, the dramatic dialogue all read like a soap opera.

Drama needs breathing space to make an impact. When you keep hammering every dramatic, cluttered adjective you can find, it becomes exhausting to read, like a constant scream. And not the good kind of exhaustion.

Second, the POV dangles awkwardly between close third and omniscient then back to close third.

The floor of the third-floor girls' bathroom felt like a slab of frozen concrete.

Dirty, grey water from an overturned plastic mop bucket soaked rapidly through the thin fabric of her white school skirt. The cold moisture clung to her skin, sending a sharp chill up her spine. Her head was forced backward at a painful angle. A burning friction tore across her scalp as a hand twisted a thick fistful of her dark hair, pulling it tight enough to strain her neck.

At first, we are in the bullied girl’s POV. Also, there are too many words and adjectives for something so simple, not to mention that it’s unoriginal. Why do we need to know the bucket is overturned and plastic when it is the bullying you wanted to get at?

"I am so sick of looking at your pretty face,"

Sure. A bully would say “pretty face.”

She was undeniably beautiful, possessing sharp features and deep, expressive eyes.
In another wing of the large school building, a young man stood quietly at the front security desk.

Now it shifts to omniscient.

Rika snapped. She twisted her arm violently, slapping his hand away. The sharp sound of flesh hitting leather echoed loudly against the metal lockers, causing a few students nearby to stop and turn their heads.

Overly dramatic.

Dropped.

 

[Eldoria]

I would like to start by saying I disliked the prose the moment I set eyes on it. Everything is overly dramatized to the point of being on the nose. The way you describe emotion, the tone, the action, the dramatic dialogue all read like a soap opera.

Drama needs breathing space to make an impact. When you keep hammering every dramatic, cluttered adjective you can find, it becomes exhausting to read, like a constant scream. And not the good kind of exhaustion.

Wow.. this feedback is similar to my previous one. One reviewer's response may be biased... but if other reviewers confirm similar issues, then the assessment becomes quite valid.

In short, @Kazehiro you need to refine and simplify your prose, avoiding over-description and melodrama.

Spoiler: My feedback

I'll be honest with you, dude. I'm a tolerant reader, and I won't complain about occasional diction and grammar errors. I'm more concerned with the visualization and immersion of the scene based on my reading experience.

After reading your two chapters, I'm pretty sure... your narrative contains a narrative structural error that causes the pacing to feel slow: over description and melodrama.

When I read your narrative, I felt tired, even though the plot is quite simple.

After I examined it, it turned out that your narrative was too over-descriptive: the use of excessive sensory details, the use of character movements that were too mechanical, and the narrator's voice providing exposition within a single paragraph of narration.

Your narrative feels more like it's forcing the reader to feel the character's feelings rather than letting the reader experience what the character feels. That's melodrama.

It's not good because it overloads the reader's mental burden of processing information. It's why I felt exhausted while reading your narrative.

Also, your narrative also mixes showing and telling in one scene. For example, when you describe a character's emotions, you provide a lot of sensory details, actions, psychological reactions, and atmosphere. But you still insert the narrator's voice to explain what the character is experiencing (e.g., "confused," "angry," "sad," etc). It creates redundancy; the narrative is too wasteful.

You seem worried that the reader won't understand what the character is experiencing. It's why you insert a narrator's voice into your narrative while the scene is in progress.

The solution? Well, simplify your narrative! A scene will feel more impactful, more immersive, if it comes alive in the reader's imagination.

Every descriptive detail should add value to the scene. If a descriptive detail doesn't add value to the scene, you can remove it.

You need to be more selective in your descriptions, choosing sensory details, actions, psychological reactions, and the most prominent atmosphere to narrate the scene alive.

Also, remove the narrator's voice describing the scene. Trust your readers! You don't need to explain "she/he is sad" (telling) when the narrative already provides narrative clues related to the character's sadness (showing) such as tears rolling down his cheeks, his voice cracking when the protagonist hugs his injured sister.

I think if you can trim your descriptions by about 50%, your narrative will be more efficient without reducing immersion... and avoid melodrama. As a result, the scene is more vivid and the pacing feels faster.

 

[Makimaam]

Wow.. this feedback is similar to my previous one. One reviewer's response may be biased... but if other reviewers confirm similar issues, then the assessment becomes quite valid.

In short, @Kazehiro you need to refine and simplify your prose, avoiding over-description and melodrama.

Spoiler: My feedback

I'll be honest with you, dude. I'm a tolerant reader, and I won't complain about occasional diction and grammar errors. I'm more concerned with the visualization and immersion of the scene based on my reading experience.

After reading your two chapters, I'm pretty sure... your narrative contains a narrative structural error that causes the pacing to feel slow: over description and melodrama.

When I read your narrative, I felt tired, even though the plot is quite simple.

After I examined it, it turned out that your narrative was too over-descriptive: the use of excessive sensory details, the use of character movements that were too mechanical, and the narrator's voice providing exposition within a single paragraph of narration.

Your narrative feels more like it's forcing the reader to feel the character's feelings rather than letting the reader experience what the character feels. That's melodrama.

It's not good because it overloads the reader's mental burden of processing information. It's why I felt exhausted while reading your narrative.

Also, your narrative also mixes showing and telling in one scene. For example, when you describe a character's emotions, you provide a lot of sensory details, actions, psychological reactions, and atmosphere. But you still insert the narrator's voice to explain what the character is experiencing (e.g., "confused," "angry," "sad," etc). It creates redundancy; the narrative is too wasteful.

You seem worried that the reader won't understand what the character is experiencing. It's why you insert a narrator's voice into your narrative while the scene is in progress.

The solution? Well, simplify your narrative! A scene will feel more impactful, more immersive, if it comes alive in the reader's imagination.

Every descriptive detail should add value to the scene. If a descriptive detail doesn't add value to the scene, you can remove it.

You need to be more selective in your descriptions, choosing sensory details, actions, psychological reactions, and the most prominent atmosphere to narrate the scene alive.

Also, remove the narrator's voice describing the scene. Trust your readers! You don't need to explain "she/he is sad" (telling) when the narrative already provides narrative clues related to the character's sadness (showing) such as tears rolling down his cheeks, his voice cracking when the protagonist hugs his injured sister.

I think if you can trim your descriptions by about 50%, your narrative will be more efficient without reducing immersion... and avoid melodrama. As a result, the scene is more vivid and the pacing feels faster.

I guess I could phrase it more nicely like that.

 

[Bimbanana]

Oh hiiii, its me agaain,
Just wanna check if there's a long line waiting in here or not

 

[Makimaam]

Oh hiiii, its me agaain,
Just wanna check if there's a long line waiting in here or not

It doesn’t matter if there is. It depends on my mood how much “feedback” I can complete in one go.

 

[Bimbanana]

It doesn’t matter if there is. It depends on my mood how much “feedback” I can complete in one go.

Ok then i'm gonna leave this link here

The Necromancer Who Can't Raise The Dead

A little bit something to "improve" your mood,

Adieu~

 

[OmegaC]

This is mine. My first child, whom I've been taking care of for over a year now: How to Gaslight YHWH

 

[Rosica]

One reviewer's response may be biased... but if other reviewers confirm similar issues, then

...they're based.
@Lloyd, 2022

 

[RaeSovereign]

Reopening this because I’m bored, but I want to stress one thing: if you think you can fool me with your llm generated story, think again. Polish it until I can’t tell the difference. That is all.

Mind checking out Starsong and tell me your thoughts? I’ve yet to receive an honest review

Starsong

Synopsis “Second chances are rare, few and far between in this galaxy of broken worlds. Kazia’Taeia, a soldier in defense against the Deep Space invaders, now forgotten and discarded. Lucian, a Terran medic, whose good intentions stained his hands with blood. Both exiles and pariahs, finding...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Eldoria]

This is mine. My first child, whom I've been taking care of for over a year now: How to Gaslight YHWH

Please read my feedback. I've provided a detailed review. Please appreciate those who pay attention to your fiction.

 

[Amedette]

Want to try my book?

 

[Bimbanana]

Please read my feedback. I've provided a detailed review. Please appreciate those who pay attention to your fiction.

Why you haven't read mine? I need your validation

 

[Eldoria]

Why you haven't read mine? I need your validation

Dude... your fiction has been validated by the market, look! There's already one reviewer commenting and praising your work, even though it's only just been released.

There's a saying: if the customer likes it, let it be. If you ask for our validation, you'll only get author validation. If you let the market decide, you'll get real reader validation.

 

[Bimbanana]

Dude... your fiction has been validated by the market, look! There's already one reviewer commenting and praising your work, even though it's only just been released.

There's a saying: if the customer likes it, let it be. If you ask for our validation, you'll only get author validation. If you let the market decide, you'll get real reader validation.

But i don't want just reader and author validation, i want the eldoria validation. I want the Yosh Yosh from you
*rolling on the floor*

 

[Makimaam]

But i don't want just reader and author validation, i want the eldoria validation. I want the Yosh Yosh from you
*rolling on the floor*

Eldoria’s validation is much nicer to hear than my feedback. There! One down.

 

[Bimbanana]

Eldoria’s validation is much nicer to hear than my feedback. There! One down.

No, no, no

I still wanted your heels and whip validation miss Makimaam.

There's a different excitement from it