[OPEN 1/3] Unreliable Biased Feedback v3

[Rosica]

@Bimbanana review is up but got merged

Edit the merged review and that post. Put the review in that post.

 

[greyblob]

Edit the merged review and that post. Put the review in that post.

meh its still there. you underestimate my lethargy

 

[Rosica]

i like the antihero trope a lot so i was excited to see this would go then i was disappointed when 180 years were skipped. wanted to read the zero to hero experience but it is what it is.

The zero to hero experience is not very popular with modern audience. I believe the time skip is a deliberate choice because Bimbanana main platform is RRL. He know his audience well.

 

[Bimbanana]

Yeay! Thank you for reading it blob!

I like the premise. i like the antihero trope a lot so i was excited to see this would go then i was disappointed when 180 years were skipped. wanted to read the zero to hero experience but it is what it is.

Yeah, from the beginning i plan to use his time skip as a prequel for my second book materials in the future. Yes, its more of a marketing move. Will it works? dunno.

the story is isekai slop. It's pretty funny at times I'll admit. It started out pretty strong too with decent quality and story telling but then quickly decended into chaos. everything is all over the place. we're jumping from one scene to another, from one country to another, one group of characters to another, etc. it's still coherent but it's too fast paced and too random for me.

Hahah, yeah sorry bout that. Its a hold habit of mine to try to keep things engaging. But i realize now its too ambitious for my first novel so i'm learning to tone it down a bit on the second volume.

another thing is the scenes are too shallow. they leave nothing for the imagination. i know this is supposed to be slop but it's necessary to have some type of intrigue/foreshadowing where I can guess what the next scene is about but I do not know for sure. circles back to the chaos part i guess.

This, i'm quite agree. I have done re-edit two times on my first volume, and i still not satisfied and planning for the third re-edit. And somehow i feel like there will be the fourth. But i guess that's how the process goes, no complaining here.

my final note is that i do not enjoy blatant propaganda a lot. I can appreciate implicit propaganda a bit but when the xianxia protag establishes his 'chyna' sect and kowtows to the sect leader, i can't really put up with that.

When i decide to put this blatant propaganda upfront, i thought like "MUAHAHAHA! I'm going to screen my readers early so i can write whatever evil scene i want after that." Long story short, i learn that waves of 0.5 stars are more evil and scarier than me.

there's also a lot of references i dont get because im not from the US so im not the taget audience for this. this is the main reason why i couldnt read more

Yeah, can't do anything bout that. Fun fact tho, Im not even american but im proud that most of my readers are from there Muhahaha

The zero to hero experience is not very popular with modern audience. I believe the time skip is a deliberate choice because Bimbanana main platform is RRL. He know his audience well.

Thank you, i tried to. However if i could turn back time, god i wish i make it as a LitRPG with all those spreadsheet.


Thank you very much both of you. This was the most fun feedback experience. Having two people judging me feel like... Fantasy court like? you know, since.... one is grumpy blob elder, other is cold vampire queen.

Love yah guys

 

[Rosica]

Hahah, yeah sorry bout that. Its a hold habit of mine to try to keep things engaging. But i realize now its too ambitious for my first novel so i'm learning to tone it down a bit on the second volume.

Thank you, i tried to. However if i could turn back time, god i wish i make it as a LitRPG with all those spreadsheet.

The trick is to write what the target audience like as your first novel to gain a followings. Then you can write whatever you want and they will read it as long as it's not the exact opposite of that.

Establish your user bases first. This also have the benefit of them following you into other platforms when you decided to cross-post and interact with you there.

 

[Bimbanana]

The trick is to write what the target audience like as your first novel to gain a followings. Then you can write whatever you want and they will read it as long as it's not the exact opposite of that.

Establish your user bases first. This also have the benefit of them following you into other platforms when you decided to cross-post and interact with you there.

Yes i agree. I can't be that naive thinking i was special and my first novel will be a hit.
Its a timely process and i'm still learning as i walk in that path. Hopefully this novel can be a good stepping stone.

 

[Rosica]

Yes i agree. I can't be that naive thinking i was special and my first novel will be a hit.
Its a timely process and i'm still learning as i walk in that path. Hopefully this novel can be a good stepping stone.

There is a method to skip this step. Write fanfics. This way, your first original novel will be a hit because your readers are already familiar with the strengths of your works. Many authors coming from SB/SV/QQ do this. @Louhi is one of them.

 

[Bimbanana]

There is a method to skip this step. Write fanfics. This way, your first original novel will be a hit because your readers are already familiar with the strengths of your works. Many authors coming from SB/SV/QQ do this. @Louhi is one of them.

Yes there's that method. But for now i still enjoy the process of making my own worldbuilding, lore, and characters.
Maybe i keep it for later when i'm really stuck.

 

[greyblob]

Yes please!

Gaia Gone: Dirty World

In this day and age, a guy's dna was either a lottery ticket or a slow death sentence. Some people get the jackpot- Super strength. Telekinesis. Laser eyes. The rest of them? They get drugs that barely work to keep 'em human. Jack was 'barely human' until a freak accident...

www.scribblehub.com

read up to Chapter 4: Mountains and Molehills

is this 10k words? I dont think so. you lied to me bucko. dont have much to comment on. not enough read.

writing is decent. characters are intersting. dont get why they are chimeras or mutated but im guessing its revealed in the future.

your novel will never work on SH but quality is good. there are 2 minor flaws i noticed

1. The very first chapter where youre describing a sign with quotations. use italics instead. quotations are commonly reserved for dialogue
2. names following dialogue should always be for the speaker

> “What… what did you do?” Jack turned to look at her slowly, small puffs of steam rising from his wounds. Joseph seemed to shrink in on himself, face nearly pressed into the floor.

i attributed this dialogue to jack automatically and had to do a double take. the convention is each paragraph belongs to 1 speaking voice.

 

[Ararara]

I believe the time skip is a deliberate choice because Bimbanana main platform is RRL. He know his audience well.

quick interjection it hasnt been called "Royalroad Legends" for like ten years (time flies so fast!?). it's just RR now *adjusts glasses*

 

[Castoroftheink]

read up to Chapter 4: Mountains and Molehills

is this 10k words? I dont think so. you lied to me bucko. dont have much to comment on. not enough read.

writing is decent. characters are intersting. dont get why they are chimeras or mutated but im guessing its revealed in the future.

your novel will never work on SH but quality is good. there are 2 minor flaws i noticed

1. The very first chapter where youre describing a sign with quotations. use italics instead. quotations are commonly reserved for dialogue
2. names following dialogue should always be for the speaker

> “What… what did you do?” Jack turned to look at her slowly, small puffs of steam rising from his wounds. Joseph seemed to shrink in on himself, face nearly pressed into the floor.

i attributed this dialogue to jack automatically and had to do a double take. the convention is each paragraph belongs to 1 speaking voice.

Thank you so much for the feedback, I missed the part about 10k words, Im so sorry what makes you say its not right for SH though, if you dont mind me asking?

 

[greyblob]

Thank you so much for the feedback, I missed the part about 10k words, Im so sorry what makes you say its not right for SH though, if you dont mind me asking?

sh favors lightnovel style writing and weeb concepts. proper writing has no readers here

 

[Rosica]

quick interjection it hasnt been called "Royalroad Legends" for like ten years (time flies so fast!?). it's just RR now *adjusts glasses*

Tell that to @Hans.Trondheim

sh favors lightnovel style writing and weeb concepts. proper writing has no readers here

This is why Hans is struggling to get readers.

 

[greyblob]

Tell that to @Hans.Trondheim

This is why Hans is struggling to get readers.

maybe but i think its just 1 of the reasons. I think his writing is complelty fine for sh

 

[Rosica]

maybe but i think its just 1 of the reasons. I think his writing is complelty fine for sh

He don't seem to think so. Maybe he need some encouragement from you.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Bold of you guys to assume I write properly. If I did, I'm not in the mud I am right now.

 

[Rosica]

Bold of you guys to assume I write properly. If I did, I'm not in the mud I am right now.

There is no such thing as writing properly. Treat tutorials as guidelines, not rigid rules that define whether something is correct.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

There is no such thing as writing properly. Treat tutorials as guidelines, not rigid rules that define whether something is correct.

What about the critics? What about the market? Ideally, it should; nothing consists of "writing properly." But when someone got slapped by reality (like me), the dream breaks and you see yourself for who you are: someone who fell short.

 

[Rosica]

What about the critics? What about the market? Ideally, it should; nothing consists of "writing properly." But when someone got slapped by reality (like me), the dream breaks and you see yourself for who you are: someone who fell short.

Reality can be disappointing.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Reality can be disappointing.

Yes. So I stopped dreaming.